To the people of Dead By Daylight, won't you stand with me?

I'm bed bound at the moment, my back hurts as all hell and I have absolutely no idea. So here I am, drinking rum and loathing at a particular topic that hits close to home. Killer mains, you'll understand this plight.

It was the 2017 when I joined, survivors were strong, but the developers started giving us love. Hope was returning, we were on par for once, twas glorious days.

I've been here for years now, I've watch the graph shoot up and down, complaints for both sides of whom is truly the worst, but in the end, we were all together. Through thick and thin.

But... it all changed when the dreaded survivor nation attacked....

It's June 16th, 2020. Pyramid Head was released, survivors were at a riot, complaining about his power, he's OP, he's scum. But.. the developers never did anything about it. Survivors were huddled together and thought "So the devs won't listen to our complaints about his power.... so what can we do to win this?" As they discussed, an unnamed Survivor comes up with the most dreaded idea in the world. An idea that split the community for once and for all. The shot around the world.

A survivor took this photo.

Do you see it? It's cake.

Our version of an escape cake. An escape from reality. Something that highly motivates us to wake up and play killer, something that pushes back our tears and allows us to be happy.

The dreaded survivor complained. "It's too sexual, it hurts the character's intergraty!" More and more evil survivors joined together in arms and rioted.

#NERFTHEBUTT

An evil trend that followed Bhvr on Twitter, attacking their ankles like my neighbor's stupid chihuahua when I try to grab my paper in the morning.

Bhvr couldn't handle the onslaught and had to make the ultimate sacrifice. They had to nerf the killer's greatest asset. Our butt. The butt that carries us to salvation, our light in dark times. They had to remove it.

On the accounts of it being too sexual.

TO HELL TO THEM CLAIMS I SAY!

Do you know what this is?

To the untrained eye, it's a butt. But, not just any butt. The scientific name for it is called the "gluteus maximus." Why does it have a scientific name? Simple. Because it's a muscle. A muscle that can be trained via squats.

Why does that matter? Because the bigger the butt muscle, the more that person can carry, having a big butt isn't just for appeal, it's for strength. Which side uses strength the most?

THAT'S RIGHT

KILLERS

Killers lift heavy survivors day in and day out, they have muscles, they're strong. Amanda most likely has a six pack! So, with all that crouching to pick up survivors is bound to build strength to the gluteus maximus.

But... that's not true.

EXHIBIT A.)

Do you see that cinderblock? What on God's green earth is that?!

Do you want more proof?

Exhibit B.)

WHY IS IT A BRICK WALL?! HE NEEDS TO CARRY THAT BIG GREATSWORD EVERY DAY

Exhibit C.)

Nemesis is supposed to be Umbrella's attempt at the perfect human being.

SO WHERE IS THE CAKE?!

Here are my attempts to fix them

But... I'm only one person. I can't do this alone.

Won't you join me? Good Survivors! Killers! Join me in arms so we may have our butts back!

#Bringbackthebutts