(Joke Post) New Killer: Montgomery Burns (re-shared).
I came up with this ages ago just for fun. Found it while browsing my phone. We’ve had a lot of new members so I thought it would be entertaining to share it again.
The Billionaire.
Height: Short.
Base M/S: 0.6m per second.
Terror Radius: Map wide.
Abilities:
Disapproving Glare.
You’re in charge. Push the attack interaction to let the survivors know just how annoyed you are that they’re present before you by glaring at them menacingly. Hold down the attack interaction to both glare and mutter/mumble disapprovingly under your breath.
Summon Smithers.
Your trustworthy assistant can always be relied upon for the most menial to most outrageous tasks. Loyally helping you sacrifice 4 poor souls at the request of a deity shouldn’t be any different. Push the Power Button to summon Smithers into the trial. Upon summoning Smithers he will assist you with any downed survivors by wheeling them to a hook in a wheelbarrow. Additionally a number of contextual actions and passive abilities become available to you.
Hurl Malibu Stacey.
You may be the richest, most powerful man in Springfield, but you’re not in denial about how feeble you are. Plus you didn’t amass such great fortune to then have to still do things yourself. After summoning Weyland into the trial push the Power Button to have your loyal assistant throw, and injure survivors with Malibu Stacey. With each throw the doll encourages survivors to “Let’s all forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream.”
Spruce Moose.
Press the Active Ability Button to have Weyland defy the laws of space and physics by boarding and flying your model plane. Weyland will perform reconnaissance and reveal the auras of survivors he has spotted for you.
Sycophant.
When Smithers isn’t currently engaged in an activity the passive ability Sycophant activates, whereby he will shower you with unearned praise and adoration. Each gesture of praise and adoration from Smithers fills your power bar. Once the power bar is full this intensifies Disapproving Glare so you can make it 110% clear to survivors just how irritated and offended you are. A full power bar also upgrades Spruce Moose to Spruce Caboose.
Spruce Caboose.
Once the ability is available, press the Active Ability Button to have Smithers mow down survivors in the greatest train that couldn’t stay on the tracks.
Unique Perks.
Excellent.
Things go your way. Things ALWAYS go your way. This pleases you greatly. Money is power, and you own everything. Upon the survivors successfully repairing the last generator, show them just how affluent and powerful you are. A number of generously compensated “legitimate businessmen” will enter the trial to power down the gates by damaging and fully regressing all the repaired generators, requiring the survivors to start the process all over again. “Because never forget. You’re here forever.”
Paper Cup.
You are able to delude the survivors into a false sense of safety, security, and partnership. For each survivor you allow to be revived from the dying state, or each survivor you allow to wiggle themselves free from the wheelbarrow will be inflicted with the Broken & Hindered status effects for the remainder of the trial.
Hex: Three Eyed Fish.
Some things you don’t want the EPA to know about. The perk spawns a trapped hex totem into the trial. Upon a survivor cleansing the totem they will be inflicted with the Mutation status effect, making the survivor grow extra appendages, a superfluous nipple, get cancer, and die.
Comments
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I would much prefer to see Bender as a killer but this is funny and would also want to see this.
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Thank you. It’s just an entertaining joke post.
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