Message I got from a survivor: "What are you, disabled?" (Updated)
I'll preface with this: this was a while ago and I didn't reply to them. Rolled my eyes, deleted the message, life goes on. I was also a bit wary of posting this since many people feel they need to defend themselves as if I am making an accusation or "woe is me" type post. I do not know life differently, it's not something I see a negative as much as just life. I am not posting this for sympathy, nor am I accusing anyone of doing these things. Some may also think I'm lying, since I deleted the message because I don't care what some random toxic survivor thinks of me. I have no reason to lie, but this is the internet, so you should be taking things with a grain of salt anyways.
Yes, I am. I was born with a disability that severely impacts my motor function. And it took me more than a decade of extremely nuanced OT to be able to even properly hold a PS4 controller.
I am very disabled when it comes to manual dexterity and motor function. Always have been, I was born with it. I am 19 years old and it takes me 2 minutes to tie one of my shoes. I couldn't play anything more difficult than Pokemon as a child. It took about a decade of specialised therapy to be able to do what can now. Taunt me all you want, I'm just happy I can actually play the game from a physical standpoint.
But I'm not the only bad killer who gets taunted for being bad. And I'm not the only disabled person playing the game. It doesn't bother me on a personal level because I am just happy that I can play, but it very much bothers me that people feel like they can go around saying these things.
I'm not accusing anybody of anything, of course, I will always give the benefit of the doubt.
I just think it's important to know that there are people who are fully okay with saying these things over a VIDEO GAME. If this person met me irl they wouldn't know I had a disability because I've learned to live with it in a way that lessens the burden on me, and makes me look more normal.
In the end though what does it matter? This person has the audacity to say these things, my life goes on and I'm the one using government funds to buy more DLC.
(But also...please don't do this)
UPDATE: Thanks for the support everyone. I'm glad to see most of us are on the same page. To the people who think it's generational: I've had more older people call me things such as the r-slur to my face so idk about that. To those who think I need to grow thicker skin...I thought it was clear that I am not angry at this incident. I have been called every name in the book. I have been physically attacked. I have been cyberbullied. I have been sexually harassed on and offline. I have been insulted for playing as a female character in games such as dark souls where gender changes nothing. If I didn't have a thick skin and the ability to forgive I'd have a bad time with everything. Not to mention, I use the knowledge I was forced to obtain to help others: I have been hit, pinched, bitten, choked, had my clothes ripped, been drooled on, had my lunch stolen, been sneezed on, been spit on, I've had my glasses taken off my face, I've had student's spit objects into my hands (worked with a student with a rare eating disorder called pica. It causes one to have the urge to eat non-food items and this student was developmental so he didn't know not to).
And there is a positive side too. It is technically a mental disability -- it affects me physically too because of the parts of my brain that it affects. I have the physical ability to do something, however it is often much more difficult and requires lots of therapy. In spite of this, certain parts of my mental capacity are above average. I have an eidetic memory and can memorize things very quickly and effectively. I am also hypersensitive to, uh, everything (which can be a blessing or a curse). Basically, there's extra neuron activity in my sensory perception and memory and less activity in my motor strip.
Comments
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I think you’re being too lenient.
That person was likely being a troll, and really didn’t care whether you really do or do not have a disability.
And it’s really none of their business either. Anyway, don’t tolerate those messages. If they’re doing it to you, they’re doing it to other players that might be more easily hurt than you. Highlight the message and select that report option.
On another note, kudos to you for overcoming the challenges necessary to do something you previously could not. Hopefully your physical abilities and aptitude continue to improve.
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Yeah we're not going to taunt you (outside of the trial). I'm hard of hearing and pretty mute irl so there's a whole portion of the game and killers like Spirit that I really struggle with (I still have her adept). That said I've lived in the red ranks ever since they stopped dropping you back to 13 every rank reset. I wouldn't let it get to you.
If you're on Steam set your profile to private. I'm sure the other platforms have other ways to stop random messages, so just do that and no salt will ever penetrate your mailbox.
He/she/whatever doesn't know your story. Keep doing the video games!
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Sorry to hear about that, but here is some harsh advice for you that you need to hear... grow some thicker skin. It's the internet, so don't get too bent out of shape over some person's comment when they have no idea who you are and won't think for more than a split second about what they've said after they've said it....
Is this a millenial thing? (I am a millenial btw, but everyone seems to get offended by everything nowadays.. the gen-z/soccer moms would not have been able to handle old-school cod lobbies or UT2004 when people could spam you with a lot worse).
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Is it a millennial thing to have zero reading comprehension? You clearly didn't read the part of the post where this didn't bother him personally as much as it bothered him that people are just going around saying that to people who might take it a little more personally.
Which is good, because normal people shouldn't have to "grow thick skin," ######### should just be banned immediately and without recourse. If they don't like being banned, they can grow thicker skin.
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Suddenly a dinosaur has appeared.
You did not expect it, but you instinctively feel the urge to approve of it.
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that survivor has smol pp
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That's really too bad man, I get it a lot too. people are just saying it to be trolls because you did something they didn't like. I was playing killer one time and was accused of "Engine Camping" isn't it my job to keep you off of the Generators??? it's not my problem that you were going back and forth between the same 2 of them and I knew it.
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I'm sorry that this was said to you - sadly a lot of people (from both sides of the game) tend to forget (or not care) that there is a human being also on the other side of the screen...and I am sure that most would not say anything in real life, but only online.
You can definitely hit that button though to make an in game report about this, I'm not going to say that the person would be banned but imo making fun of disabilities etc shouldn't be something that's tolerated.
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Gatekeeping verbal abuse. Classy.
The dinosaur has been approved.
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thank you for this post, it made me very, very sad.
Not about you, though.
About these guys and girls which use a certain violent language and behaviour just because they are unable to empathise. Their life will be miserable if they don't realise this, unable to live with others, to love others, to be loved by others.
Good luck @Sirris , see you in the fog.
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and for the record, this is the exact mentality we need to fight.
Sirris has a thick skin, but he has empathy and what this post is all about is for us (as a community) to understand that words have a meaning, and they can hurt.
It's not Sirris that needs a thicker skin, it's the community that needs to be more sensitive - especially the ones that, like you, think "well, I do my part...".
Sorry if I come as harsh but yeah, I'm a bit upset after reading your reply, gotta be honest.
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I wee bit older than a millennial here...
If someone sexually harassed your mother or sister, would you tell them to grow a thicker skin? You NEVER have the right to tell someone how they should feel about a situation.
To the OP,
I am very sorry you had to go through that. The word disability should never be used as slander. Keep your chin up, we could all learn a thing or 2 from you.
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There was an interesting study done some years ago that said that the absolute most stressful job is working in a customer service call center. The reason for that is because you are an anonymous, faceless voice that happens to be the unfortunate soul who was there when people needed to confront their adversary and they treat you as something less than human. and these queue up one after another completely unrelated to each other and never ending. Sounding familiar?
In these circumstances we forget each other's humanity. we don't see friendly competition but rather a hostile unknown who is actively trying to deny us the reward we seek. It takes a conscious effort to set that aside and remember that the person/people in the opposing role are just as human as ourselves. Obviously we hope that everyone spends the effort to remember that and gives a "gg", but the reality is that in an online multiplayer game this sort of behavior will probably continue indefinitely.
I just take comfort in the fact that the majority of my matches are with people that just play the game and either give a gg in the end or otherwise don't message at all. for the trolls that spew toxic bile...? I silently hope they get a job in a call center somewhere 😁
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I can completely confirm this. After 2 years in a call center and being called every name in the book, I left and swore I'd never work in that field again.
Does teach you a lot of empathy, though, as well as the cumulative damage hearing nasty comments on a daily basis has on your mental health.
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Nice argument you've got there. You're demanding a person to be silenced for having a different opinion than yours? Yes, that is millenial of you. Off to twitter to rage tweet that someone "in this current year!" is disagreeing with you and your echo chamber. Fear me safe spaces!
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The difference is that people on the internet have no idea as to what you are in terms of gender/race/whatever, and talk smack to vent. This cult of personality that tries to ban people for insulting you over a video game is quite ridiculous. I am against silencing people that are talking smack as is known to happen in video games (you can't change the internet). The internet does not need to be a nanny state safe-place like how the rest of western civilization is becoming. Let people talk #########, and if you can't handle the heat then turn off game chat, it really isn't that hard.
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You and I are a different breed than the others I see that frequent the forums 😎
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The thing is that shouldn't be tolerated, one thing is speaking your mind, that you're absolutely right in doing so, another is believing you're a smart-ass and please, people who bully on internet do it in real life, it's not like "oh, I am an anonymous on internet so I can be a heartless monster if I want" but in real life they're the God of kindness or something like that.
About thick skin, I can understand your point but, harassment is harassment and even if you do have a tick skin that doesn't mean it should be tolerated. For me it's easy, respect to be respected, in real life and internet, one thing is a comment or opinion and another thing is being an #########, talking about it BHVR has indeed double standards, because this is a comment that generally the comunnity says "it's just a salty person" even devs, but when that targeted person decides to "fire back" with a... let's say racism thing then those people are banned by the racist comment. No one has the right to say hurtful things, even in internet.
In resume, you can state that certain choice is stupid, brainless, meaning speaking your mind another thing is calling another person stupid/brainless which is rude.
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It is sad and shameful that people act this way and say things like that. Kids in every middle and highschool tell other kids to go kill themselves every day and yes, I truly believe it is a generational thing.
I love that you didn't take it to heart. Keep in taking pride in your accomplishments and never let jerks get the best of you.
It would be nice if Behavior allowed end game chat to be turned off so people don't have to deal with it if they don't want to.
Next time report the person and take a screenshot. Post the screenshot on the forums to force Behavior to deal with people that are bullies and not ignore it.
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As a fun fact, you can actually turn off the chat. Click the little button next to the space you type and ta-daa.
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Kudos to you for working on overcoming the hardships life has thrown at you. Things like these amaze me. Hopefully this post will make someone think twice about how they act towards a person they know nothing about.
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Just like with comments on YouTube or even driving on the road with other people it's all the same. Since there's no personal connection and there's not really any backlash for their actions people tend to do whatever they want and say whatever they want and just not care. It sucks because I play both killer and survivor but when I play killer I get lots of messages about being bad or if I get a kill they complain about me using certain builds or add-ons. I just want to enjoy the game. But I'm glad that you can play the game and you enjoy it. That's all that matters.
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Don't post screenshots on the forum, that just gets you banned for naming and shaming. Report, yes, but don't name and shame. And, if you can, leave the chat enabled. That way you can help us purge these people from the game (by reporting them) so everyone can have a better experience.
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Props to you for sharing that story of yours.
Fuck that idiot who told you that, people think it is the internet so they can act and say whatever they want. Most of them lack the ability to use their brain before they type something. The internet, depending on which country you live in or rather the person who said that #########, is not a lawless space in usual. Hope this changes in some countries as well. Continue on your way that idiot is not worth your time.
They do not need to know what gender/race a person is in order for them not to talk in that way. I doubt that even 5% of the people who use gender/race/whatever as smacktalk on the internet would even dare to say that face-to-face to another person. Smacktalk =/= gender/racial slurs. Do you think calling somebody the n-word is smacktalk?
That is why I miss the old days the most, back then not every idiot had the ability to go online and there were mostly people with a brain. You wanna talk about rights? Fine. Yeah people have the right in the usa to practically have diarrhea through their mouth and hide behind "my freedom of speech" but others do not have to listen to it. Especially since BHVR provides the space where these people chose to spread their opinion, when said opinion, contradicts the rules that BHVR makes you agree to, they can revoke the right for this person to participate any further in their space.
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You have no "rights" in a privately owned game. The terms of service are your god here, boy.
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Well that wasn't very nice of them
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Why do people think their freedom to be ######### extends into privately owned games? No, buddy, you break the rules (like being excessively rude/hateful) then you get banned. That's how it works in this game, just like that's how it works inside a Walmart. You do not own this game, and your "rights" do not extend infinitely.
It's amazing how little people know about this really basic concept. You can't walk into my house and start calling me racial slurs. Hell, you can't even do it from the sidewalk, as that's harassment. It's almost like society has rules and laws in place for relentless douchebags.
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This is the dumbest thing I've ever read. Why would you waste my time replying with this childish nonsense? Go post your drunken Facebook rants somewhere else.
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Can confirm, worked permanent overnights in a call center for two years, and another full year during days.
Current status: soulless, shattered creature
Maybe that should be the next killer XD
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As someone who has an autistic brother, I feel for you I really do. While I may not exactly be in your shoes right now, I've had people yell the R word and other ableist insults at my brother, it breaks my heart to hear. Luckily for him he doesn't understand how hurtful that word is but it still hurts to hear.
Honestly I wouldn't take anything someone says on the internet personally, they don't know you personally and they're too inconsiderate to think about your feelings, so why would you bother wasting time on them?
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If I was you i'd just shrug it off and laugh, people will insult everything nowadays, so just laugh at how pathetic they are
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Lol seriously just get off the internet if general insults upset you to the point of crying about it on forums. If you stop caring what some random 12 year old says in chat there would be no issue like grow a thicker skin. Also hilarious to me how all these leftists that hate corporations love to defend their right to censor words that hurt their feelings.
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Not sure this person was asking for your advice
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I thought OP said they weren't posting this to whine and get sympathy?
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You do realize that a vast majority of current millennials and gen z are the type of people that actually grew up in old-school cod lobby's, right? Proof read and think about what you say next time you try and comment on something.
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A lot of gen-z never grew up with games that have completely unmoderated chat. And the commonality of harsh bans for "abusive language" is relatively new and is typically supported by left leaning millennial game devs.
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No, I was just disputing your first statement of "I have all the right I want". It's actually the exact opposite. You have no rights except the ones BHVR give to you.
I am glad you found me funny, though. I always strive to make people as happy as I can on these forums
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as someone who has mental disabilitys im the same way doesnt bug me in the least but is annoyiung that people are so ignorant with their words... that said i wouldve launched into a massive story to the person along the lines of.. :O why yes i am been this way since i way born... ye see it started in my teen years when X Y and Z started to show ... and go on and on list each of them explain what each one does what issues it causes and so on reverse his troll into a learning seminare :D quite amusing to me ive had responses from im sorry to leave me alone i dont care to alot more racist types of things and much more in the end its still a report to them but now theyll know alot more info about such common issues in the world and maby wont be so ignorant
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Don't forget to report them. It's the icing on the cake. ;)
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I kno people who play DBD who are deaf and who have that listed in their profile.
They jus wanna have a fun time and enjoy the game.
Disparaging comments made toward them don’t necessarily make them feel welcome to come back an try to continue having a good time.
There is a competitive nature that has positioned itself amidst the good nature of DBD... unfortunately, along with it came a festering toxicity.
Remember that nothing anyone says or does can ever take away from how Awesome you are.
DBD should have a zero tolerance policy for all types of slandering.
Hopefully you will keep playing; if you do, jus be sure to report those players who use those offensive slurs against you.
Try an stay positive, not everybody in the community is mean and insensitive.
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As someone who is a disabled gamer as well,hats off to you for being able to overcome it. I know it's not easy. I'm not able to sit or lay down for more than a few moments at a time without severe pain. So usually I play a few matches and get up and walk around. After awhile I found that the games where actually helping me. I was able to play for longer periods of time than I could at first, especially during a tense match.
I also have some other issues,but I've found ways around them as well. Some games are way more accommodating to the disabled than others,but if a person loves something,it seems like they try to find a way...whether that be certain mods or special controllers or gear. I really don't see as many of the disabled/mentally challenged slurs as I used to. I have a pretty thick skin personally,but that would still bother me. You don't know the other person's circumstances. I have a friend that plays and has cancer...I'm sure it would hurt if someone used that in a remark just because they didn't like the way they played. If you're going to be mean,just call someone a scrub or say they don't play well,or whatever. At least that's not picking on something people have no control over,like race,gender, disability, etc.
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People from all walks of life play this game. Like someone said earlier. There's a human being on the other side, and we have no idea what that person could be battling. Color blindness, vertigo, ptsd, hearing problems just to name a few. A long time ago someone that I know was playing a match, and was told to go hang themselves afterwards. There's no reason for that. Think, and remember that it's just a game before you slam someone with a potentially harmful comment.
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You can have an opinion, but do not be surprised if nobody respects you for it. I think both you and the other person are overreacting, but what do I know? I am just another person online.
I agree that there is a problem within the games industry regarding that issue, but this particular post is not the right place to bring it up (because the original poster had nothing to say about or was even related to that stuff). They are talking about how they had to overcome a physical disability to even play the game, and that the after game chat makes them think about how far they have come.
Bring that stuff up during... idk... a discussion of why Janes Archive lore is bad? That particular story reeks of that stuff to me, and suffers for it.
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Yeah, that doesn't justify what was said though.
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Really, you thought that language was violent? I think I need surgery now my eyes rolled so hard.
And while highly unlikely, maybe the guy was asking OP an honest question.
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I think this thread turned into another me vs you... I believe the OP had the intention of bringing a certain type of toxic behavior to light. I, like most of you commend him/her in opening up and sharing about their hardships. I don't however, believe the comments suggesting to get thicker skin were a defense to the toxic behavior. The fact is, online you do have a certain amount of anonymity therefore you will always have people venting their own life problems in a vulgar way. So "grow thicker skin" probably meant to not give it any thought... The people who said it didn't think about it longer than it took the hit the send icon. You are giving the troll too much of your precious time by referencing them. However, I feel this was more of a PSA and awareness post so it is time well spent.
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I'm so sorry you met those kind of people. Unfortunately dbd has a real problem with toxicity especially among survivors. I get hate messages literally every other match. But all we can do is report it and try be the bigger person. I've been called racist slurs, homophobic comments and I've been called disabled. I'm saying oh poor me cuz I know those types of people are just really really stupid. I am gay and proud of it but those Homophobic slurs do kinda hurt. Unfortunately it's just how it goes but I don't want to switch of the message cuz it's nice getting the odd gg from a survivor or killer. I like discussion post game.
Hope you encounter less idoits
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I have no idea what you are talking about. what language, what guy, what the hell do you think you've read lol.
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If you wouldn't say it to your mother, don't say it to a stranger.
Sitting faceless behind a keyboard doesn't give you the right to be an a-hole.
In fact, when you feel the need to send a message insulting someone over a game... it is time to take a break. It is a freakin' game.
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I'm only responding because it looks like you took the time to research and then formulate a well informed argument. I'd advise against it with this kind of person. Judging by their grammar and way of expression, they're not the type that will understand anything you try to say unless you go down to their level, which I hope you won't.
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