Thoughts of a Survivor player who would like to play Killer but I'm standing in my own way
This is probably going to be a long text. If you don't feel like reading long texts, that's understandable. It's all good. Then just skip my post, but please don´t comment some rude things please. I´m not feeling well right now.
If you're bored right now or like reading, grab some snacks and something to drink and here we go. :)
I've been playing DBD since the pandemic. I started playing survivor, but after a few weeks I also played killer (even more often than survivor) because it's more interesting to play a character with unique strengths. Since I had absolutely low MMR at the time, the killer gameplay was easy. I got my killer Iri 1 achievement with Freddy, which says a lot about how low my MMR was. Freddy will always be a special character for me, just because of that.
Then my MMR increased, the matches got sweatier, I had to play against more groups of friends, they were often very toxic in the match and then abusive in the chat afterwards. And I developed anxiety. I felt alone and helpless. I noticed that I felt more comfortable sharing the burden with other people as a team. Since then, I've only played survivor. Solo killer suddenly felt impossible for me, and my fear went through the roof. It may have something to do with the fact that I was bullied for a longer time during my school days, and this behavior of some survivor friend groups triggered something in me that I thought I had forgotten.
Time jump 2024. 2v8 was introduced.
The survivor gameplay bores and frustrates me, I still have an inner desire to play killer.
I thought "Cool, with someone else I might finally have the chance to play killer again without being so scared."
When 2v8 was first introduced, I couldn't play killer. I had little time for DBD at the time and the queues were just too long.
The queues in the current 2v8 are still disgustingly long, but I would even be willing to accept that. However, I am now faced with a problem that I never thought I would have.
As mentioned above, I thought it would be easy for me to queue for Killer because I know I have someone with me.
But I notice that I am still very anxious. And this is where the long queues become a problem.
If I queued for Killer and would find a match in the first 5 minutes, then I would be able to pull it off.
But the longer I have to wait, the stronger this VERY uncomfortable feeling of anxiety builds up again, which ends with me no longer being able to bear this building tension and quitting the queue after 10 minutes at the latest. :/
Now you could say "Find a friend, talking in the lobby will distract you from the tension."
That might be right, but there are also reasons why that doesn't work.
- I have no friends. I am an extremely introverted person, it is enough for me to have regular contact with my family. All other people and conversations are stressful for me. And I don't want to look on discord because
- I'm female and have had some bad experiences as soon as other gamers knew my gender. Which is unavoidable because of my voice.
And to be honest, because of my introversion, like I said before I don't want to talk anyway.
So much text for a simple question.
Are there people here who also feel a strangely strong fear of playing killer? And can give me some advice on how I can cope with this tension in the 2v8 killer queue and stop myself from quitting the queue?
And even if you don't have any advice.
Thanks for reading, it felt good to get it off my chest. Have a nice week :)
Comments
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From my experiences, 2v8 feels less stressful as killer no matter the actual match outcome just because of the idea of someone else sharing the mental burden. I dont NORMALLY use the DBD discord, but I used it for finding partners for 2v8. They set it up so its fairly easy to get paired with people. So far the experience has been mostly positive and if you DO get someone who's a creep, you can just ditch em and try again.
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Well, my fellow Freddy enjoyer, I remember reading posts here about people who experienced anxiety when playing killer, but unfortunately I don't remember who exactly who wrote those posts, sorry.
I am sure they will find their way here eventually :)
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It's a difficult question right? Like "how do I stop being me?" I think the key is to realized that none of it matters. We're all just space dust that will return to being space dust. Like the saying goes "The small stuff doesn't matter and it's all small stuff". Once you can accept that you and everything else doesn't matter and that nothing you ever do, big or small, will ever matter then you'll be free.
Do whatever brings you joy and don't worry about anything else. That is true about all things much less a video game. Not sure what brings you joy? Try things. What's the worse that can happen? Remember, nothing matters much less the outcome of whatever you are trying. Don't like it? Don't do it again. If you like it then do it again.
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For years I was playing DBD entirely solo and I too have anxiety issues but I got a friend into the game and they introduced their friends into it and so we all became friends over Discord. I hope eventually you can find someone that you will be able to play with regularly even without comms
Also could anonymous mode help negate possibilities of getting grief for other players?
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The community for this game can be demoralizing especially to Killer players, and the stronger the Killer you choose unfortunately the nastier they are if you struggle. I say screw them. You have to play for you, not for anyone else. Keep that endgame chat closed and just try, you never know if you don't try. Start on Wraith, he teaches fundamentals very well.
I enjoy Killer and first got into it because I found a Killer I really connected with, liked, and have tons of fun with. I have always liked stealth games and Scream, so eventually gravitated to Ghostface. Two years later and many other Killers learned under my belt, I still keep coming back to Ghostface because he's just the most fun to me and the one I can do the most damage with. He taught me to love Killer side, and I love him for that. Maybe that's all you need - finding someone you truly enjoy, regardless of strength, and learning them inside and out.
It can be hard. It's really hard if you're like me and enjoy M1s, especially ones not traditionally thought of as strong. I find great joy in figuring out what little things I can do to make such weak kits stronger, I see it as a challenge to best. But then, I like hardcore games, and I admit my mindset isn't for everyone. Just keep practicing and learning from really good players of the Killers you like. That helped me. :)
Post edited by SidneysBane1996 on1 -
I wish he would get finally some attention from BHVR, it´s a shame they made him so weak. I wasn´t even there in his strong times. I am not good with fast killers like Blight, Billy, Oni or Nurse (well, tbh I suck with them) all I want is to play my comfy , cozy M1 freddy and actually have a chance with him again.
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I actually have 2 killers I truly enjoy.
Freddy
and
Doctor
I really don´t like M2 killers, I always prefer M1 killers but well, most time you will get humiliated with them.
Can´t imagine that got better in the last 2 years. But maybe it´s just a skill issue. Pretty sure there are even Freddy and Doc mains out there who are able to wiping the floor with survs xD
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Well, he is set for changes in January, so maybe there is a chance.
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Let´s hope they doesn´t ######### it up. He really deserves it !
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Yes, he does. Freddy has suffered long enough.
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I DID IT !!!
I survived the queue without quitting, I had my first 2v8 killer match as a wraith together with a spirit. We even managed a 6K.
Thanks for the supportive words. Some really helped to calm my nerves a bit. And it was fun. It really feels different to have someone with you. I suspect next time it won't be half as bad to queue for killers. At least in 2v8.
I'll probably never play 1v4 killer again. Or only with a XXL bar of chocolate to calm my nerves.3 -
A fellow Doctor connoisseur! I understand the way you feel because I experience the same. I'm very introverted, socially anxious, and my voice doesn't help me engage in videogame communities either, for the very same reasons you explained. I, too, get killer anxiety. And contrary to what happens to most, it's even worse in 2v8 because when it's 1v4, if I ######### up, it only affects me. If I ######### up in 2v8, I'm screwing up the game for someone else, too.
My advice would be, in all honesty, not to play killer in 2v8. The queue is insanely long and most games it's not worth it. Go for 1v4 matches instead. Close the chat so you don't see what the other players say to you. Try to imagine that everyone else is a bot. Use anonymous mode. And if the matches get too toxic, take a break. Some players in this community can be nasty, in both sides to be honest. And if you suffer of a short temper like me, try to remember that it's just a game and that some matches will just be miserable. Sometimes you'll get looped for ages and survivors will teabag at every pallet and they will flashbang and flashlight and blast mine you a trillion times. And then they'll be toxic in endgame chat and call you trash. It happens. Don't let it get to you. Easier said than done, tho. Most times I see so red that I end up lashing out on unrelated folks (like, family or friends) and then feel like #########. But I believe it's an ability you can train, you know? Not letting it get to you.
Besides, if you wanna improve at killers' basics, try playing Wraith like someone up here said. He's a fairly simple killer who will allow you to learn the core mechanics and strategies without having to worry about anything else, since his power is so straightforward. You can also watch some content creators play, since they usually offer very useful tips! Especially if you ever want to start learning a new killer. Watching someone else play them and absorbing every little piece of advice they provide can make the learning curve much easier.
It does get better. Some years ago I used to get a stomachache simply from sitting down and queueing as killer. Now I get a bit nervous but it's not as bad.
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for 2v8 you could look on the forums for someone to q with you, that way you'll be more familiar with who you're playing with, it is a long shot but could be worth while.
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View each game as a learning experience rather than a performance test. Not every match needs to be a win. Celebrate small victories like landing hits, practicing zoning, or managing hooks.
Anxiety about playing killer is more common than you think. Games are meant to be enjoyed, and if taking small steps back into killer gameplay doesn’t feel right yet, it’s okay to take your time. You’re not alone, and the community has others who relate to your experience.
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- Play a weak killer so you don’t feel as pressured to win or be good
- Play a simple one that’s not very complex Trapper is the least complex in 2v8
- Do something else while you are waiting for a match, I like to animate in blender
Realistically the more you play the less you’ll be anxious. 2v8 can actually be more stressful because of the comeback mechanic which punishes you for being good at the game. And 8 survivors means gens can fly like crazy. I know plenty of people who can’t or never will play killer because how stressful it is but I don’t know a single person who won’t play survivor for the same reason.
Being outnumbered is always stressful. 2v8 is slightly better since it’s 2 killers but survivors are FAR more toxic in 2v8 and it’s not even close. I played 15 matches the other day and every time all of the survivors would just be sitting at gates tbagging like crazy. I was the only survivor that wasn’t toxic in almost all of my games. Just force yourself to play as many matches as you can and try not to care how they turn out.
In my 20 years of gaming this is easily the most toxic community I have ever been apart of so you should practice getting used to it if you want to play killer lol. Avoid DBD Twitter and Reddit because those places are somehow worse than the actual game. I get regularly attacked and called names for trivial things. For example I made a video saying Houndmaster was bad and needs buffs and I got called all sorts of names because other content creators say she is good.
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I am sorry you feel this way. Here are some things that might help:
1 - Close the chat. Seriously, close it. You do not like to talk to others and do not want to be bullied, it is best you keep it off. No matter what tempts you, when you think you should look at it, just don't. Leave that little box closed. If you want it open when you play survivor, sure, but trust me, if you are anxious playing killer, keep it turned off.
2 - Do something else while you queue. Queues can take a long time, and if you're sitting there watching and waiting for a match you will be waiting a while which will probably make your issues worse. Instead, queue up and do something else. You can put a youtube video on in front of DBD, go on your phone, anything else. Then once you are loaded into the game, you can have fun.
if you can't get over your fears that is fine, no one is forcing you to play killer, as long as you have fun on survivor you can keep playing that.
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If you want to warm up killer with no stress, you can queue into a custom game and play against 4 bots to get comfortable. The better you are at a killer, the harder it is to bully you by any conventional means. You can also toss on lightborn, it is an easy counter to half of the stuff people complain about being bullied with.
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So, as a fellow very anxious introverted female, my only suggestion is just bite the bullet and do it. With anxiety, our minds are our worst enemy. It's always full of "what if" scenarios. What if I lose? Well that's part of the game design - we are all supposed to lose games. What if they messing around with flashlights? Well I can just bring Lightborn. What if they're tbagging? Well I can't control what other people do. What if they're abusive in chat? Well I can just not read chat post-game. Address your fears head on and reason them out. You'll realize soon enough that your mind has a tendency to overreact and make things seem bigger than they actually are.
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I think I saw someone else above suggest doing some other simple things you enjoy while waiting for your match. Maybe that can help to distract your mind while you're in the queue :)
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If you are getting humiliated with M1s, consider different perks or consider that you may be at the wrong MMR. Allowing yourself to pull back and lose sometimes will keep you from always getting the strongest teams every time.
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I had some bad experiences when I first started playing Killer because I very quickly found myself going up against bully squads without the experience or knowledge to deal with them.
I still have a little bit of locker PTSD from a game on Lery's and a head on bunny Feng duo on Dead Dog that kept jumping out of those two lockers near the gen in the Saloon. In truth, the only way for the frustration and stress to fully fall away is to keep playing Killer.
I'm so unflappable now, it's gotten to the point where Killer is the role I play whenever I want to chill. In any case, here are a few of the things that have helped me to keep my cool:
- Lightborn and Iron Grasp never leave my build. Are there "better" perks to run in most trials? Sure. But these two perks will shutdown almost all of the typical bully squad tactics. There is no body blocking the hook, sabotaging, boil over plays or flashlight saves when you have these perks equipped. Most of the time, I find bully squads / duos to be allergic to doing the gens and will start throwing as soon as they realise they won't be able to torture you indefinitely.
- Never go to the exit gates after a frustrating trial. If they want to do their little victory dance, it doesn't mean you have to come along to watch them.
- Play Killers that you know you'll enjoy, regardless of the outcome of the match. For me, that's the simple joys of vaulting pallets and windows as a speedy Legion, getting curve downs and drifting around the map as Billy, seeing a well placed Trapper trap get value or pulling Survivors off gens as a sneaky Michael. I think it's better to focus more on the little wins and the fun you're having with your Killer powers and less on whether or not you're winning or losing (this is easier said than done if you're a more competitive player, but always worth bearing in mind).
- I keep my chat window permanently closed. I've had some nice interactions with other players in the past, but not enough to fully outweigh the not so nice ones.
- I like to vary my time between Killer and Survivor if I ever find myself becoming frustrated with either role. Playing lots of different Killers in a session helps with this as well.
- Anon mode is your friend.
The main thing is to remember that it will take time to feel comfortable with playing the Killer role. Maybe more time for you than it might do for others and that's OK. So take small steps if you have to. Everyone feels the stress (and maybe some nerves) when they first play Killer.
Anyway, I hope some of this advice will be helpful to you.
P.S. I've also struggled with anxiety for pretty much my whole life, so a lot of what you've experienced is very familiar to me. But over the years I've learned these feelings can be overcome (or at least managed) and at the end of the day, DBD is just a silly video game. It's not so important in the grand scheme of things.
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So I know it is easy to say but imho the key is to change your mindset.
- instead of "performing" (and aiming to win), try to focus on “training” and getting better. This way even if you lose it is alright cause you will still learn about your mistakes. That’s what I am doing currently as Plague.
- be nice to survivors, even when they are toxic. Pretend they are your friends you are having fun with (even if you don’t have any). That Ada Wong is furiously tbagging and clicking, trying to lure you at shack ? Haha, she is so funny and quirky thinking it’s going to work (let’s pretend she is absolutely not toxic). Let them say their insults in the end game chat and then drop a "gg you were all very good, have a nice day" and now, if they are decent human beings they will feel like fools.
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I every so often go back into training mode and let myself lose more by "throwing games" to sharpen my skills. Basically, that would mean I try to win with my power only, not just my perks and addons. I give them a game but I'm not trying very hard, so if they win, cool - free win for them, no pressure while I practice and some extra BP for me. For extra vibes I'll throw on music, so I can't hear much, so there's no real pressure to perform and I KNOW I am handicapped anyway. I actually have playlists for each of my most played Killers, and I use that to kinda just… vibe and practice.
So, if I need to derust as Ghostface, let's say, I would "throw" by trying to go for Stalking and Marking, rather than too many chases. If i lose, I lose. If I win, cool, and then I keep doing this getting better until the games start to improve or I can pretty easily 8hook and chill without feeling stressed. I do this for any Killer I need to get better at or feel like the game is too hard with. It seems to work.
When you play nonsweaty and force yourself to do so, then you not only get better, you get better less sweaty games. Turns out, nice guys DO finish first… eventually.
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It's something I've struggled with a lot in the past. I used to play competitively and had severe performance anxiety on killer to the point where I had trouble seeing the screen. So I can absolutely relate to the feeling.
The biggest thing I learned: the way you imagine you'll feel is infinitely worse than the way you'll actually feel if you do fail in the moment. It's never as bad as you think it'll be. And if you stick with it long enough, the good experiences are going to far outnumber the bad.
And ultimately, nothing that happens in DbD has any bearing on your life. You can close the game at any time and never pick it back up. Those mean players might as well not exist once you close the game.
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"the way you imagine you'll feel is infinitely worse than the way you'll actually feel if you do fail in the moment"
Thanks for the reminder.
Therapists always say that too. I have OCD in addition to my extreme introversion. And what you said is exactly what therapists say about OCD therapy.
"the way you imagine you'll feel if you don't give in to your OCD is infinitely worse than the way it will really be. Learn to endure the tension, you'll see nothing happens."I just realized from your comment that this can be applied to a lot of things. I hadn't thought of making this useful in video games before.
So again, thanks for the reminder !!!
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