I am the Very Model of a Paranormal Murderer

I am the very model of a paranormal murderer,

I run a lot of sweaty perks, like Ruin, NoED, Tinkerer.

Survivors think they're quicc and thicc and demonstrate some teabagging;

I mori them to earn some salt and rants about my switch-lagging.

But dedicated servers will not give them wins fantastical;

Their boosted flashlights do no good because they run erratical.

I counter all their juking with some unexpected moonwalking,

And locate a few crouching n00bs because of all the birds squawking.

I often run my Barbecue to rack up tasty BP stacks.

I get a 4k, type gg, and get reported for wallhacks.

I can't convince the n00bs and slobs that I'm an honest slaughterer;

I am the very model of a paranormal murderer.