The entity's hangout (we have a discord now! all are welcome)

friendlykillermain · May 2019

https://forum.deadbydaylight.com/en/discussion/comment/456682#Comment_456682

post whatever you wnat this has been a journey this is our first real milestone

LCGaster · May 2019

This is from 101 to 200

Dr. Bright is not O5-█-J. No such position exists at this time.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to give SCP-239 a copy of any Harry Potter books.
1. What did you do?
Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-141 to give people parking tickets.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to send anything into the past, future, or to alternate dimensions.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to accuse people of being duplicates of himself with the intention of having them terminated, unless they actually are duplicates of himself.
1. Dr. Clef is not allowed to convince people Dr. Bright is a copy of him.
Dr. Bright may not put "A cup of orgasm" from SCP-294 through SCP-914 on the Very Fine setting.
1. Dr. Bright may not use SCP-294 to create a "cup of memetic orgasm" and use it on worldwide television.
2. Dr. Bright is not permitted to use SCP-294 to create orgasms of any kind, memetic, sentient or otherwise.
3. Given the results of requesting a cup of "Dear God No", Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to use SCP-294 directly or outside of approved testing.
4. Given that he asked another staff member to request a "Cup of Explodium" from SCP-294 to "see what would happen", Dr. Bright is not allowed to ask other staff members to access SCPs for him, no matter how instructive, funny or helpful the results would be. The only exception to this is SCP-963.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to get on the PA system at site 19 and announce that he just won The GameYou know what, Dr. Bright is just never allowed on the PA system for any reason, ever.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to organize, authorize, or create in any form, a "Foundation Demolition Derby, starring SCPs 2383-J, 708, 666-J, 2558-J, 1543-J, 2041-J, 2103-J, 968, 462, 115, and 225 for the grand finale" No.. just no. Not even if you try to throw in 682 trying to disguise it as a termination attempt.
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed access to SCP-732 infected documents along with SCP-239. MTF-Lambda-2 has been dispatched to contain "Chowderclef".
Dr. Bright is not allowed to make, accept, or take a rake-off on, bets concerning XK-class End-of-the-World Scenarios.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to request access to all cubical SCPs to make a fort of any kind.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to order anyone to infiltrate the women's locker room.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to play "hot potato" with SCP-963.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to arrange, schedule, advertise, promote, or sell tickets to, "cage matches" between Able and SCP-682 any SCPs.
We don't care HOW many O5's agree to it and how many precedents there are, Dr Bright is not allowed a pet SCP.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to combine a cadaver infected with SCP-008 with SCP-217.
Dr.'s Bright and Clef are no longer allowed to engage in research any activity involving 40 gallons more than a pound any amount of superballs.
1. Also, the aforementioned are not to convince blackmail compel D-Class personnel anybody into conducting such activities for them.
"Challenge Accepted" is not a valid excuse for anything.
Dr Bright is not allowed to lease out SCP-002, even especially if he includes the option to buy.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to dress up as Joseph Stalin and ambush Agent Strelnikov in the hallways.
1. Actually, Dr. Bright shouldn't be allowed to dress up as any Communist dictator, there's no way it could end well.
Dr. Bright is not to be allowed access to the cafeteria menu more than a day in advance six hours in advance at all, nor is he to get anyone else to access it for him, directly or indirectly.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to introduce small children to the "the Giving Tree."
Dr. Bright is not allowed to 'borrow' SCP-159 for his office.
Dr. Bright is not allowed near any carbonated beverages while in possession of Mentos-branded mints. The last time that happened, he somehow managed to cause an earthquake in the East Coast of the United States. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim responsibility for earthquakes and other natural disasters unless he is actually responsible for them.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to dare new personnel anyone to play 'peek-a-boo' with either SCP-569 or SCP-173.
When ordering things online, send them to PO Box ████ and not directly to Site 19. We've already had three postmen show up at the front door. (How did they even find us?) Dr. Bright is not to give directions to Site 19 to non-Foundation personnel.
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to give navigational directions to Site 19 anywhere, even especially to Foundation personnel.
The SCP Foundation does not have any such position as "Chief Defenestrator".
1. Wrong.
  1. Agent Clef is not allowed to create new positions.
Any proposed containment procedure that includes the phrase "Giant Robot" is to be automatically rejected.
Excessive force is not the same as the Force, therefore using it does not make Dr. Bright a Jedi.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-914 to craft items from Team Fortress 2.
1. Yes, a Medigun would be a useful tool for the Foundation medical staff. No, we are not going to waste any more SCP-500 attempting to make one, especially not after SCP-427.
2. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-914 to craft items from Minecraft, either. Also, your "Diamond Pickaxe" has been confiscated.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell future hosts that "You are about to become very Bright".
1. And he can't tell anyone that "Possession is nine-tenths of the law".
2. Dr. Bright is not allowed to refer to D-class personnel as "extra lives".
Dr. Bright is not allowed to send SCP-1004 over an email message.
No matter the electricity savings, no product of SCP-158 is to be used for illumination.
SCP-001 is not Dr. Bright's penis.
1. The hammer is not his penis.
2. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use his genitals for construction purposes.
Dr. Bright possesses the ability of consciousness transfer and the artifact SCP-963. He does not possess any of the following:
1. "laser" eyes.
2. "laser" nostrils.
3. "laser" [REDACTED].
4. a Green Red ANY Lantern Ring.
5. an "adamantium" skeleton.
6. Anduril.
7. Mjolnir.
8. a map leading to "ALL OF THE NAZI GOLD".
9. the "Ancient" medallion.
10. a copy of the Necronomicon.
  1. A King James version of the Necronomicon.
11. cybernetic implants of any kind.
12. the "Dragonzord". I don't care how you did it, put it BACK.
13. the 7th Element of Harmony.
14. infallible "gaydar".
15. infallible "jewdar".
16. the touch.
17. the power.
18. the "secret"
19. telepathy.
20. telekinesis.
21. the original filming model of any fictional spacecraft.
22. 1337 H4x00r sKi11z.
23. the 6th sense.
24. The ability to distinguish between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
If Dr. Bright's current form is sighted near an armory without express permission, initiate Evacuation Procedure ███-██.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to test SCP-826 with his self-authored comic book entitled "Dr. Bright and the 79 Virgins" Playboy magazines anything.
#%^&@Dr. Bright iz a genius! Second best only to meh! he & I are buds lolz!#$%^
1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to give SCP-732 access to this document.
  1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to give any SCP access to this document without O5 approval.
We have never had a Jamaican Vacation Giveaway, Dr. Bright is not in charge of it, and SCP-342 is not the official Foundation Travel Voucher.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge SCP-082 to a drinking contest. (Even if he's positive he can win.)
Dr. Bright is not allowed to convince other personnel that they are actually Dr. Bright.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new D-Class personnel that SCP-439 has escaped into the barracks.
Dr. Bright is not allowed access to SCP-243 except under strict supervision. I think we all remember the great marital-aid migration of 2011.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge Dr. Gerald to a race involving any sort of vehicle. Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge Dr. Gerald to a race involving anything.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to access the IT department hotline access the IT department databaseaccess any networking equipment belonging to the IT department.
Dr. Bright is not to bring samples of SCP-1361 to Foundation potlucks, barbeques, or charity food drives.
SCP-963 is not a 'soul gem', and making a contract with Dr. Bright will not turn you into a 'magical girl'.
1. Not even if he includes a 'magical girl outfit'.
SCP-137 is never to be used on sex toys.
1. Under no circumstances is Dr. Bright allowed to expose SCP-137 to Warhammer 40K minifigures. Again. Not even in an attempt to terminate SCP-682.
2. Or anything made by Wondertainment.
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to produce, create or remind staff of "SCP Robot Wars".
Able is not Kratos.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to go trick-or-treating, ever.
Not allowed to have Able get into arguments with forum trolls.
Copies of SCP-1981 are not to be submitted to "America's Funniest Home Videos".
1. Or posted on YouTube.
2. Or on YouPorn.
3. Or to Tosh.0.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to "Just Say No!" to O5 orders on the grounds that they are instances of SCP-5200-J.
Dr. Bright is also not allowed to refer to O5 Command MTF commanders the Janitor any Foundation personnel as "the cool kids".
Dr. Bright is not the "final boss" of anything.
Dr. Bright has not "won the internet" and is not authorized to declare that any other individual has done so.
1. Nor is he allowed to claim or distribute instances of SCP-335 under said premise.
Dr. Bright is not to show junior staffers his 'cutie mark'.
1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-137 on any Hasbro product.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to "take SCP-1187 for a morning ride".
Dr. Bright is not allowed to submit any incident reports to the Darwin Awards. Not even if you are sure it would win.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to teach SCP-1370 to play multiplayer video games. It was not an improvement giving it the vocabulary of the average preteen ████ player, or introducing it to the concept of "teabagging."
The eye-pods do not need hats, bow ties or any other form of clothing.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to use expunged data in SCP reports as "mad-libs."
Robo-Dude is not a piece of the Broken God.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to create an anatomically-correct body pillow modeled after SCP-173, SCP-105, SCP-999-J, SCP-076-02, or Dr. Crow.
The following are not appropriate sources for D-class personnel:
1. Temp agencies.
2. Craigslist.
3. Reality show talent pools.
4. Jerry Springer tapings.
5. "Orphans."
6. "Urchins."
7. "Ragamuffins."
8. "Those sons of bitches who scratched up my paint job at the car wash."
9. Ex-girlfriends.
10. Ex-boyfriends.
11. Ex-partners of any gender variation whatsoever.
12. Staff members' in-laws.
13. Youtube comment threads.
14. Forum trolls.
15. Angsty teens.
16. Bad applications to the SCP Foundation. Two exceptions have been made, but the rest are off limits.
17. Occupy Wall Street.
18. The Tea Party.
19. The Green Party.
20. The "Green" Party.
21. The Gathering of the Juggalos.
  1. How the ######### do they work?
The following items are not SCPs:
1. Rainbows.
2. Double rainbows.
3. "Rainbooms", whether sonic or otherwise.
4. The tides.
5. The Moon.
6. "######### magnets".
7. Rocks that skip three times before they go underwater.
8. Soy cheese.
9. Hippies.
10. Hipsters.
11. "MILFs."
12. "G-MILFs."
13. "GG-MILFs."
14. "Actually funny SNL skits" As these do not exist, they cannot be SCPs.
15. Anyone's breasts.
16. People who can solve Rubik's Cubes (of any size).
17. Shiny Any Pokemon.
Playing the song "Thriller" in the presence of SCP-008 victims is expressly forbidden.
1. Letting out SCP-008 victims and punching them "to simulate Minecraft" is also forbidden.
SCP-682 does not have a Wondertainment logo stamped on its upper palate.
1. or on its posterior.
2. Pushing several agents in front of SCP-008 victims "to simulate Resident Evil" is not a valid excuse, either.
3. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed near victims of SCP-008.
Anything involving the words "elephant sauce". Site 19 is still recovering from the last incident.
Filming, directing, or performing in celebrity sex tapes are not appropriate work assignments for Mr. Deeds.
SCP-682 will not be sated by the ritual sacrifice of a virgin.
Dr. Bright is no longer invited to the Annual Foundation Holiday Party.
1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to host his own Foundation Holiday Party.
2. The Foundation Holiday Party is cancelled indefinitely.
SCP-173 is not a babysitter. Having SCP-173 play 'Where's the baby?' is downright cruel. Not, as Dr. Bright claims, '[EXPLETIVE] hilarious.'
"Yo mama" is not "so ugly SCP-096 didn't look at her."
The Serpent's Hand is not a synonym for masturbation.
The foundation has no Mobile Task Force dedicated to the capture and containment of forum trolls.
1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to found a new Mobile Task Force dedicated to the capture and containment of forum trolls.
"Why not?" is not considered authorization for SCP cross-testing.
The Realdoll™ Dr. Bright purchased does not have security clearance for anything.
1. Not even if it writes reports better than Dr. Kondraki.
SCP-1916 only works if administered orally. We know this. There is no reason to test further, Dr. Bright.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to stick refrigerator magnets to Foundation equipment SCP-914 SCP-882 SCP-217 victims piece of the Broken God Any magnetic objects within Foundation control.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to write a SCP-582 account in order to deal with junior staff members who get on his nerves.
The Chaos Insurgency has no interest in "summoning Daemons to the material universe to serve the Ruinous Powers of Chaos" and therefore, Dr. Bright is not permitted to inform new researchers otherwise.
Dr. Bright does not remind anyone of "the babe with the power of voodoo", and is not allowed to tell anyone else that they remind him of same.
Dr. Bright may not attempt to neutralize SCP-682 using "the Power of Friendship", "the Power of Love", or any other sort of "Power" which has not been proven to actually exist.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim he "has been trained to conquer galaxies".
The answer to a containment breach is never to "recruit a team of teenagers with attitude".
1. Or to "send five rings to five special young people".
2. Or to ask junior staffers if they are "bad enough dudes" to contain the breach.
Putting an equine, no matter how small, through SCP-914 on very fine again is strictly forbidden.
1. No you cannot keep it.
Dr. Bright should refrain from trying to convince SCP-237 to become a "Brony".
1. Not even to improve his disposition.
2. For that matter, trying to make SCP-042 a Brony will just make things worse.
SCP-963 is not a "Millennium" item.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to test internet "Creepypasta" rites using Class-D personal.
The platypus is not an SCP. No, really. No, not even an -EX.
Nobody ever refers to Dr. Bright as "Tim" and he is no longer allowed to introduce new personnel to SCP-524.
"I like a little junk in the trunk" is not valid authorization to feed SCP-1575-1 to an elephant.
Dr. Bright is, under no circumstances, to attempt possession of SCP-682.
"I touched SCP-1453 a lil' while ago" is not a valid excuse for any containment breach.
"No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" does not imply that pants and undergarments are not required parts of the dress code.
1. Doubly so, since, "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service," is not a part of any official foundation dress code.
Dr. Bright is not to use this list as a resume.
Dr. Bright shalt not may not begin his sentences with "Thou shalt not", even especially in the presence of SCP-343.

LCGaster · May 2019

201 to 301

Use of double triple quadruple ANY number of negatives to obtain security clearances will result in the repetition of kindergarten swift punishment.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to recreate any experiment seen on the television program "Mythbusters" using any SCP.
1. Especially not if he "can do it better."
Regardless of whether or not it exists, Dr. Bright certainly does not enjoy diplomatic immunity as the local Consul of the Islamic Republic of Eastern Samothrace.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer aphrodisiacs to colleagues anyone under the guise of administering amnesiacs any medicine by any means or for any reason whatsoever.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to put SCP-278 into SCP-914 on coarse "so I can learn to make more of them."
Dr. Bright is not allowed to transfer copy upgrade relocate SCP-079 onto ANY form of high capacity data storage device.
SCP-1156 is not Dr. Bright's "royal steed".
Dr Bright is not allowed to use SCP-1543-J to launch SCP-727-J into itself. Again.
Even if Dr. Bright is wearing an eyepatch, he is not allowed to "Keel-Haul" anyone.
1. Not even on "Talk Like a Pirate Day".
2. Talk Like a Pirate Day is not allowed to be celebrated at Site ██. Any personnel violating this rule will walk the plank be severely disciplined.
3. There is no such thing as "Talk Like a Ninja" day, and Dr. Bright is not allowed to create it.
Introducing SCP-682 to SCP-002 "just to see what will happen" is NOT recommended. Don't even think about.
1. I SAID STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to interview new personnel.
1. Even Especially not if they ask for him.
Dr. Bright is not Kenny. We also ask new researchers (and Bright) to stop referring to him/self as such.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to play "SCP Roulette" with SCP-173, a light switch and any combination of D-class and new personnel.
Dr. Bright is not to ask SCP-738, "What would you want in exchange for not making this deal with me?"
Dr. Bright works for the SCP Foundation, not the Terminus Foundation. He does not possess a degree in psychohistory.
1. And no Group of Interest is the "Second Foundation"
The Manna Charitable Foundation does not host an annual Labor Day Telethon, and Dr. Bright is not allowed to offer the services of Foundation employees as performers or phone bank operators for such.
Dr Bright is not allowed to use SCP-252-ARC on Fred Phelps any member of the Phelps family any person or organization affiliated with Westboro Baptist Church.
1. Dr Bright is not allowed to attempt to "sic the Horizon Initiative" on the above religious organization.
2. Dr Bright may not request a pool of D-Class recruited solely from members of the above religious organization.
Dr Bright is not allowed to use SCP-127 to place projectiles under his pillow for the "Tooth Fairy" to give him money.
The fact that SCP-682 regenerates all lost tissue does not make it an "infinite hamburgers machine".
1. Most especially because they tasted horrible.
Although "Secure Contain Protect" is an anagram of "Erotic Teen Cactus Porn", Dr Bright is specifically forbidden to either produce, or arrange to produce, any such material.
Dr Bright is not allowed access to Popular Science Magazine. That How 2.0 section is way too dangerous for Bright to see now that they've shown how to create cyborg cockroaches.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to "go on crusade".
1. Or on "jihad".
2. Dr. Bright is not permitted to issue fatwas against anyone or anything.
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to declare "After ten thousand years I'm free! It's time to conquer Earth!" upon assuming a new host.
All Foundation personnel are now required to attend a seminar on the difference between an originalidea and a good idea before being allowed new or continuing contact with Dr. Bright, Dr. Clef, or Dr. Kondraki.
Dr. Bright does not have ten tons of gold hidden somewhere at Site 19.
SCP-963 is not to be given away as a "good luck charm".
Dr. Bright is not a wizard, no matter what he might tell you.
1. He is not an alchemist either, and is not to be consulted regarding alchemical issues.
2. Or a witch.
3. Dr. Bright is not magic and cannot perform magic, and must give sufficient explanation for any actions he undertakes.
Dr. Bright is not, nor has he ever been, the "Undisputed SCP Intercontinental Champion".
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to run through Site 19 any site while screaming "THE KETER IS LOOSE" unless it's an actual emergency.
1. Claiming it's for research on the effects of social engineering is not an emergency.
2. Nor is using it to clear out the areas Dr. Bright is otherwise restricted from entering due to reasons given on this list.
3. Dr. Bright may not start referring to any persons or SCPs as "The Keter" in order to circumvent these rules, unless they are actually classified as Keter.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to perform any tests or experiments utilizing the reproductive organs of any dead or living being, including himself.
Dr Bright may not tell D-Class Personnel newly recruited staff anyone that SCP-920 will ''show them to their quarters''. Again. We are still looking for 12 D-class Personnel who have disappeared in the Pyrenees.
Dr. Bright may never attempt to ingest SCP-184 "to win a pie eating contest", nor any other kind of eating or drinking contest.
After what happened last month, Dr. Bright is not allowed to watch Firefly ever again. I think most of the people involved (that are still alive) are still in the psychiatric ward.
1. Dr. Bright is not a Reaver and may not handle any form of sharp tool unless under protection of at least two (2) L-3 guards armed with stun guns.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to show D-Class new staff SCP-682 anyone the porn he watches. Seriously, the last guy to go through that hell had to be put in a straightjacket!
Dr. Bright is not allowed to come within 5 meters of any explosive device or detonation device. Remember what happened at Area-█.
1. Not even if Dr. Iceberg asks nicely
2. Trying to "Blow Up 682" is not a valid excuse.
Attempting to make "shadow puppets" with SCP-017 is forbidden.
1. Trying to entertain SCP-053 is not a valid excuse.
Dr. Bright is not permitted to be within thirty feet of children, "kids", "youngsters", "kiddies", "lads", "lasses", "bundles of joy", "bundles of fun", or "scoops of love" after the incident at [REDACTED]. Exceptions may be made in extreme cases of emergency.
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to stand in a corner and twiddle his thumbs.
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to use the words "swag" , "swag it", "swagginator", "swaggify", or "super swag" to define himself or any other person(s).
'YOLO' is not an excuse for anything. Most especially because it does not apply to him.
1. Neither is 'Why not?'.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to order D-class personnel convince new personnel any personnel ask anybody ever to play a game of patty-cake with SCP-049.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to ask Mr. Deeds to do any of the things on this list.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to bring chocolate into a restroom Dr. Bright is not allowed to bring food into a restroom.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to speak in a voice resembling a movie character.
1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to reenact any movie. Even G-rated ones? Even G-rated ones.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to learn cheerleader routines dress like a cheerleader do ANYTHING relating to the sport of cheerleading.
SCP-957 is NOT a prerequisite to becoming possessed by Dr. Bright
Dr. Bright is not allowed access to SCP-1197 for the purpose of corroborating with himself.
1. Dr. Bright is not allowed access to SCP-1197 for the purpose of propositioning himself.
As of 9/26/20██, Dr. Bright is not allowed access to any hotel for any reason. Site-██ budget does not allow for extra clean-up fees, especially not as a result of Dr. Bright's actions.
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to say "Everything the Bright touches is our kingdom"
1. Nor is Dr. Bright is allowed to say "Everything touched by the holy Bright belongs to Church of Bright."
Dr. Bright may not attempt to digitally enhance any of the original Star Wars movies.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to advertise himself on online dating services.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to use this list as a to-do list.
Dr. Bright is not L. Ron Hubbard incarnate, and is not allowed to tell personnel otherwise.
Dr. Bright is not Sherlock Holmes and is not allowed to say what he thinks a person's appearance means about them to any reality bending SCP.
1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to cause a containment breach of any kind just so he can have a "case."
2. Neither is he allowed to convince anyone to be Watson.
Dr. Bright may not urge bereaved staff members to "look at the Bright side".
1. Nor is he allowed to refer to any name-related puns as "[his] Bright ideas".
2. Dr. Bright is not allowed to refer to any SCPs, Foundation resources, or personnel as his "fancy dancing pants".
Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-1994-J with Dr. Kain. Hours of actual productive research are as of yet to be recovered.
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to play chicken with members of any department.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to order 'the works' from the cafeteria.
1. Dr. Bright is also not allowed to put anything on his 'tab.'
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to commit "Seppuku."
1. Even if he has an audience.
2. Especially a captive one.
Dr. Bright is not in possession of any of the following: A bright-mobile, brighterangs, a bright-claw, a bright-suit, or a baseball-bright.
1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to yell "To the brightcave!".
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to sing "Silent Night" following the "All is Bright" incident
Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to commission, produce, advertise, or display animated videos to containment staff anyone with the subject, "What Happens When You ######### Up Containing SCP (insert SCP here)"
1. NO, it is NOT educational, Bright. Not the way you show it.
Dr. Bright is not allowed funding to replicate the experiments of Doctor Krieger from Archer.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to try to convince personnel to replicate "his famous high dive into SCP-120."
1. He is not allowed to talk about his "famous high dive into SCP-120."
Dr. Bright is not to be referred to as "Rainbow Brite".
Dr. Bright is not allowed access to infants for the purpose of becoming "the Baby New Year".
Dr. Bright is not allowed to create a "The Things Dr Bright Is Allowed To Do At The Foundation" list by listing everything that isn't on this list. Just because it isn't on this list doesn't mean you should do it.
1. He may however request for one to be created.
2. He may not, however, suggest what should be on said list.
Dr. Bright is not to attempt to neutralize SCP-1013 just because he "can do Fluttershy's stare."
Dr. Bright must not create an infinite logical loop to less feeble minded individuals.
Dr. Bright is not "Troll Jegus", no matter how much candy corn he steals!
There is no such department known as "The Bright Ideas Department." Furthermore, if such a department did exist, Dr. Bright would not be in the employ of this department.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to throw himself through a window "to prove that the glass is unbreakable."for any reason whatsoever.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to convince D-Class anybody to cough in front of SCP-049
Dr. Bright is not allowed to use any green dyes for the purpose of "being creative".
"Because reasons" will no longer be accepted as a viable excuse for removing ANY SCP from containment.
Dr. Bright may not refer to anyone as a "peasant."
Dr. Bright is not allowed to attempt to convince D-Class new personnel ANYONE that shouting "Bing bong, bring it on!" while ringing SCP-513 will negate its effect.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to arrange gladiatorial arena combat between D-class, even ESPECIALLY if any SCPs are used as weapons.
SCP-173 does not "just want a hug" and Dr. Bright may not attempt to convince anyone otherwise.
"Because there's an alternate universe me who wouldn't do it" is no longer a valid reason for violating containment procedures.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to attack instances of SCP-217 claiming that "the Borg have attacked".
Dr. Bright is not allowed access to visual or audio recordings of the dance craze dubbed the "Harlem Shake" anything deemed "viral".
Dr. Bright is not allowed to start any drag races between D-classes in cars and SCP-096.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to yell out "Immigration!" near any foreign personnel.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to reenact any scene from "Pulp Fiction".
Not allowed to put a picture of a volunteer's' his ANYBODY'S breasts on a monitor for the red zone of SCP-895.
Doctor Bright is not allowed to convince new personnel ANYONE to "have a friendly staring contest with SCP-096."
Dr. Bright is not allowed to open SCP-1025 on random pages in front of anyone.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to dare anyone to finish SCP-1997.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to send a Slinky down SCP-087.
Dr. Bright is not an instance of SCP-1000, and is not allowed to claim otherwise.
1. Especially not when using the body of a primate.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-884 for shaving purposes.
1. Nor any other personal care purpose.
2. Nor for any non-approved purpose whatsoever.
3. Especially not for the purpose of making people doubt that he's not allowed to use it.
Okay, who thought it was a good idea to let him have a tiktok account to read off all of these?
Dr. Bright is not allowed to transfer his consciousness into a YouTuber in order to make serious videos about himself or his family.
1. ESPECIALLY if it's all true.
We really mean it about editing the List to mess with people on Tumblr.
For the love of god man, stop wrapping bows around aquafina bottles and sending them gift wrapped with loving sonnets on them. It was funny. Once. Stop. Please. Please.
We do not talk about Bottle Dick.
1. Especially not over the site intercom/loud speaker/mega phone/group chat/email, or any other device intended to speak to large numbers of people at the same time.
He is definitely not allowed to edit the list just to mess with people on Tumblr.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new Foundation recruits factual horror stories involving his family.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new Foundation recruits fictional horror stories involving his family.
Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim that Researcher Zyn Kiryu is the new "Master of Butterflies" due to her extensive work on butterfly-related SCP items.
1. "King of the Booterflies" is not an inheritable title. No, not even if Kondraki really is dead, which, if true, Dr. Bright isn't cleared to know.
2. Researcher Zyn Kiryu is also not to be referred to by Dr. Bright as "Queen of the Butterflies", "Mistress of the Butterflies", "Supreme Princess of the Butterflies", "Great Shepherd of the Butterflies", "Second Cousin of the Butterflies", or "Major Associate of the Butterflies," or any other grandiose title referring to butterflies.

KillermainBTWm8 · May 2019

comment

friendlykillermain · May 2019

damn thats a lot of rules

LCGaster · May 2019

I did everything I could

friendlykillermain · May 2019

quick the mods are killers were the survivors dont get banned get those generators powered

LCGaster · May 2019

REPAIRING NOISE INTENSIFIES

friendlykillermain · May 2019

18 so far 12 to go

LCGaster · May 2019

I'll start posting random SCPs

KillermainBTWm8 · May 2019

NEA IS OP KILLER

LCGaster · May 2019

Item #: SCP-008

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-008 samples have been deemed Class V extreme biological hazards, and all related protocols apply. Incineration and irradiation measures will be deployed in the event of political or military action which may result in the facility being dismantled; a power failure; or zero communications from operatives or outside channels during any given eight hour period.

The quarantine period for operatives leaving the facility is four months. If a breach has occurred, incineration and irradiation measures shall be deployed. It should be the policy of all G2 sites to not prepare an evacuation procedure.

Description: SCP-008 is a complex prion, samples of which are stored in each of the known G2 sites. Research into SCP-008 is highly classified and primarily aimed at preventing research which may lead to the synthesis of SCP-008 in the distant future. Traits of the SCP-008 prion include:

100% infectiousness.
100% lethality.
Transmission through exposed mucous membranes and all bodily fluids.
Not airborne or waterborne.

Symptoms of infection with SCP-008 manifest no more than three hours after exposure, and include:

Flu-like symptoms with high fever, plus severe dementia in later stages.
Coma onset approximately 20 hours after first symptoms appear and 12 hours after noticeable dementia. Coma onset will be considered onset of death.
A period of sporadic cellular necrosis occurs which comes to resemble gangrene. Surviving tissue assumes its original function and is highly resilient.
Red blood cells greatly increase oxygen storage capacity, resulting in slower blood flow and increased muscle endurance and strength.
Nervous and muscular systems are unaffected by total organ failure for several hours.
Metabolism may decrease to extremely low levels, allowing subject to survive for over 10 years without nutrition.
High blood viscosity results in negligible blood flow from gunshot, puncture, and slashing injuries.
Conditioned behavior, motor controls, and instinctive behavioral mechanisms are damaged, and cognitive abilities are severely ######### and erratic. Animals experience excessive brain necrosis and are inactive.
Subject can adapt to its damaged nervous systems but is limited to basic physical activities, including standing up, balancing on two legs, walking, biting, grabbing, and crawling. Subject will energetically move towards sights, sounds, and smells it associates with living humans. Subject will attempt to ingest living humans if physical contact is made.
Neutralizing fully-infected subjects requires significant cranial trauma.

There is strong evidence to suggest SCP-008 itself did not form naturally on Earth, since variants of similar complexity would have displaced much of the ecosystem. In 1959, a short collaborative effort with the USSR to locate G2 sites and eliminate SCP-008 was negotiated following their discovery. The status of SCP-008 in Russian custody since collaboration ended is unknown.

Addendum 008-1: SCP-500 has been found to be able to completely cure SCP-008 even in the advanced stages of the disease.

friendlykillermain · May 2019

LETS FINISH THIS

LCGaster · May 2019

Item #: SCP-038

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedure: SCP-038 is to be watered twice per day via overhead mister. Should the mister break for any reason, attendants should water SCP-038 by hand until it has been fixed. Lighting is provided by computer-controlled lighting array. Attendants watering SCP-038 by hand and maintenance personnel fixing mister or lighting should wear hazmat suits to prevent accidental cloning.

Description: SCP-038 was found on an abandoned farm in █████████████, New York, in 19██. It was at first thought to be a common apple tree. However, upon closer inspection, it became apparent that SCP-038 was growing things other than apples and, in fact, other than fruit.

SCP-038 has the ability to clone any object that touches its bark. Objects begin growing almost instantaneously and reach maturity within a matter of minutes. A weight limit of 90.9 kg (200 lb) per object has been previously recorded. Objects that SCP-038 has thus far cloned include: apples, oranges, watermelons, eggplants, candy bars, snack foods (See Addendum #1), televisions, toasters, laptops, keys (See Addendum #2), chairs, wine, DVDs, CDs (See Addendum #3), cats, dogs, and people.

Human and animal cloning through SCP-038 is not recommended, as they appear to age quickly. The majority of these clones live, on average, two (2) weeks. After thorough examination of the deceased clones, it has been determined that they had begun to ferment before death.

Object is currently held on Site-23 and there are currently no plans to move it.

Addendum #1: Dr. Klein has requested that personnel discontinue the cloning of items from the vending machines. (See Document #338-1)

Addendum #2: Dr. Klein has requested that personnel discontinue the cloning of personal items. (See Document #338-1)

Addendum #3: Dr. Klein has requested that personnel discontinue the cloning of movies and music. (See Document #338-1)

Addendum #4: Dr. Klein has requested that personnel discontinue the cloning of cans of Miller, Budweiser, and Foster's. Dr. Klein has furthermore expressed customary disapproval of the quality of such cloned items. (See Document #338-1b)

Document #338-1: "I would like to remind all personnel that SCP-038 is not, I repeat, not a toy. It should not be used for cloning car keys, movies, music, or items from the vending machines. If this behavior continues I will be forced to limit access to SCP-038.

- Dr. Klein"

Document #338-2: It has been noted that SCP-038 is able to clone SCP-500 — however, such pills only work 30% of the time, with chance of successful healing dropping as time since cloned increases. In 60% of the cases where the infection is permanent, symptoms of infection remain, though further infection is neutralized.

SCP-038 Partial Testing Log - select experiments only

For full test records and reports, contact affiliated researchers for authorization

Date: 11/08/████

Intent: Confirmation of mass limit: investigation into consequences of exceeding limit.

Summary of test results: 400 pound steel ingot made contact with the outer bark of SCP-038. Chamber vacated as a precaution. Cloned ingot grew at typical speed, but growth halted abruptly short of completion. Examination of the end of the aborted facsimile revealed a rough texture superficially resembling miniature-scale tree bark. Item detached from SCP-038 as typical, and was subsequently found to weigh 90.91 kilograms, or almost precisely 200 pounds.

Date: 11/08/████

Intent: Investigation into duplication of non-biological animate matter.

Summary of test results: SCP-173, deemed a suitable test subject because of its lack of verifiable life processes, introduced into containment chamber by Class-D personnel. Contact made with the outer bark of SCP-038, and SCP-173 returned immediately to containment. SCP-173 facsimile began development at typical speed, beginning at point of contact. As consistent with previous results, growth halted at the 200-pound threshold, in this case terminating development after replication of the head, right arm, and partial upper torso. Class-D test subject was ordered to break eye contact with clone. When test subject eventually blinked, no movement was observed in cloned material. Extinguishing and reestablishment of containment chamber light supply revealed no apparent reaction from cloned material. Experiment concluded. During storage of cloned portion of SCP-173, it was observed that the partial facsimile was in fact making violent gestures, at a dramatically slower rate. Movement was shown to continue regardless of state of observation.

LCGaster · May 2019

Item #: SCP-073

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-073 is to be kept in a two (2) room cell furnished with all non-organic furniture and items, and a bathroom. Subject is allowed to freely wander the facility and eat in the main canteen. A tracking device has been attached to SCP-073's person and is not to be removed. Subject is disallowed any contact with the surface, and is not allowed outside the facility. Subject is allowed no contact with plant-based SCPs under any circumstances. Violence is not to be used against SCP-073 under any circumstances.

SCP-073 is currently kept in Site-17.

Description: SCP-073 appears to be a heavily-tanned male of Arabic or Middle Eastern descent in his early thirties, 185 cm (6'1") tall and 75 kg (165 lbs), with black hair and blue eyes. Arms, legs, spinal cord, and shoulder blades of the subject appear to have been replaced with artificial versions of unknown make and metal. Subject only takes notice of this when it is pointed out, and states that it has no knowledge of how, why, or when these replacements took place, stating it had had them as long as it could remember. There is a symbol engraved into the forehead of the subject, which appears to be of Sumerian origin. Symbol has of yet been untranslated, and subject appears distressed when the symbol is mentioned at all, refusing to speak on it. Subject does need to eat and drink on a regular basis, but is strictly carnivorous owing to its effect on plant-based items.

SCP-073, who refers to itself as "Cain", is generally polite and genial to all who speak to it, though it has been described as being cold and somewhat mechanical in its speech. It is very helpful, and enjoys aiding personnel in their daily actions, whatever they may be. It has highly detailed knowledge of ancient to recent events in history, and most commonly spoken languages in the world, including ones that have since died out. Subject has professed to having a photographic memory, remembering word-for-word all text in an eight-hundred-page dictionary that was flicked through in a minute and a half. It has scored above average in all intelligence tests given to it.

SCP-073's presence is inimical to any and all life grown in soil, causing death to any such life within a twenty (20) meter radius. Any land SCP-073 has walked on (and any within the twenty [20] meter radius) becomes barren as all anaerobic bacteria dies, rendering the soil incapable of supporting life until new bacteria are introduced. Anything that is derived from soil-grown life, such as wood and paper, immediately rots and disintegrates upon touch of SCP-073. Further affected derivatives include anything hydroponically grown.

Violence directed towards SCP-073 reflects any damage inflicted on SCP-073 directly back onto the attacker, although SCP-073 visibly remains unharmed. This applies to any damage directed at SCP-073. Attempts to get tissue and blood samples have proven futile: when the procedure was initiated, personnel carrying out the action felt the sensation of whatever was applied to SCP-073, and wound up with a sample of their own blood or tissue, despite the fact that ''all actions were directed solely at SCP-073''. Indirect damage through a medium also results in the person perpetrating the action receiving the wounds caused. Although SCP-073 receives no actual harm from damage to its person, it has stated that it still feels the pain of the action, and has politely asked researchers to abstain from overly harmful actions to its person.

Additional Notes: SCP-073 was found in the New York Police Department in 19██, having been taken in after subject had been found amidst the bodies of several violent gang members. SCP-073 told police members that the gang had attempted to make sport of it, but became angry and attempted to kill SCP-073, resulting in their own demise. SCP-073 was incarcerated, and was deemed a "John Doe" when NYPD could not find any information on it. SCP-073 came to the attention of the Foundation through a routine inspection of "John Does", and was subsequently released into our custody.

Addendum 073-1: In light of SCP-073's indestructible nature, photographic memory, and general will to please, high command have deemed that all information is to be "backed up" on SCP-073, ensuring it is not lost in the event of a catastrophe. While this action has met with mixed responses, SCP-073 has agreed and sworn itself to secrecy on its part.

Addendum 073-2: When information concerning SCP-076 was brought to the attention of SCP-073 for "backing up", subject showed familiarity with the information, although was disinclined to adding to it, despite the fact that it stated that it already knew all about SCP-076. It then stated it would be better for all parties involved that it not meet SCP-076.

Addendum 073-3: Examination of the unidentified metal on SCP-073 has suggested that it is beryllium bronze, a metal that has been documented as being utilized by various anomalous cultures and entities. Most notably, beryllium bronze is a component found in SCP-1216, SCP-1427, SCP-2481, and SCP-2711. In light of this discovery, the Foundation began working in an attempt to trace the origin of beryllium bronze and how it initially spread throughout the world. When prompted, SCP-073 was able to provide information that suggests that beryllium bronze originated in the Middle East, though the exact point of origin has yet to be determined. Further research into the origin of beryllium bronze is currently ongoing.

friendlykillermain · May 2019

EVRYONE ALL TOGETHER NOW JUST YELL

friendlykillermain · May 2019

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KillermainBTWm8 · May 2019

IM GONNA TAKE MY HORSE TO THE OLD TOWN ROADS

friendlykillermain · May 2019

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TheRockstarKnight · May 2019

Here's an uninspired meme:

The Doctor: Goth Kate Denson isn't real, Goth Kate Denson can't hurt you.

Goth Kate Denson:

PhantomMask20763 · May 2019

I for one would like to say, before we reach 100, that this journey, ever since its started in October, has been amazing, and I appreciate every person who was a part of this, thank you friends :)

LCGaster · May 2019

Item #: SCP-076

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Containment Area 25b is to be located 200 m below sea level, tunneled out of solid bedrock in a seismologically stable area. Sole access to the containment facility is to be through a vertical elevator shaft separated every fifty (50) meters with a reinforced blast door, constructed of 20 cm thick material shielding. Elevator shaft shall be flooded with seawater when not in use.

Containment Area 25b is to be constructed with the following components:

An Outer Security Perimeter against outside threats, staffed by security personnel trained in close quarters battle and counter-intrusion tactics.
An Administrative and Support Area (ASA) consisting of support facilities and living quarters for on-site personnel.
A Primary Containment Zone (PCZ), consisting of a 7 m cube encased in 1.5 m of reinforced material. PCZ is to be designed to be flooded and drained as needed, and should remain filled with seawater unless access to contents is required.
A 150 m "killing corridor" which is to be the sole access to the PCZ from the ASA (including water, power, drainage, and ventilation lines). The walls and floor of the corridor are to be reinforced in a similar manner to the PCZ, with the addition of an electric deterrence system capable of delivering a 20,000 volt shock.

A security station located at the entrance to the killing corridor is to be staffed with no fewer than three (3) armed security personnel on watch at any one point in time. Armament is to include, but not be limited to, at least one (1) ███████ CIW system on a pintle mount with a clear line of sight down the corridor, with a plexiglass screen to protect the operator from thrown weapons.

In the event of a full breach, all on-site staff are to proceed immediately to the closest security station for weapons and armor distribution. Staff will remain at Alert Condition One until SCP-076-2 is confirmed neutralized. Should 90 minutes pass after declaration of full breach without a Stand Down order being given by Level 4 or higher personnel, Final Contingency Measures will be activated, flooding the entire facility in seawater and sealing off the access shaft for a minimum of 24 hours before retrieval is attempted. This will, by necessity, result in the deaths of all on-site staff.

Description: SCP-076 consists of two components: a stone cube (SCP-076-1) and a humanoid entity contained within (SCP-076-2).

SCP-076-1 is a 3 m cube made of black speckled metamorphic stone. All surfaces outside and within SCP-076-1 are covered in deeply engraved patterns corresponding to no known civilizations. Radioisotope analysis indicates that the object is approximately ten thousand (10,000) years old. A door is located on one side, sealed with a lock 0.5 m in width, surrounded by twenty (20) smaller locks in a circular pattern. As of yet, none of the keys have been found, making the door impossible to lock once closed.

Interior temperature is approximately 93 Kelvin, and cannot be altered by any means, internal or external. Directly in the center of the room is a 2.13 m tall stone coffin, held in place and sealed shut by several chains of unknown make and substance, which are attached to the inner corners of SCP-076-1.

SCP-076-2 resembles a lean Semitic human male in his late twenties. Hair is black, and eyes are gray, skin tone olive. Subject is 1.96 m in height and 81.65 kg in weight. Numerous tattoos depicting arcane and occult iconography are present all over the body (mostly in the form of leering demonic faces) and ranges from subtle to openly ostentatious. Subject, when encased inside SCP-076-1, is technically dead.

However, occasionally SCP-076-2 will awaken, effectively "reanimating", complete with all vital processes needed to sustain a living human being. Subject will then attempt to leave SCP-076-1. If successful, subject will enter a trance state and seek out the nearest human being, ignoring all other living things in the process. Upon coming into contact with living humans, SCP-076-2 will enter a rage state in which it attempts to engage and kill all human beings encountered. To date, only the subject's death has been shown to be effective in ending these rampages.

Terminating SCP-076-2 is often problematic due to its significant physical abilities. Subject has superhuman strength and speed, and although not invulnerable, has shown a remarkable ability to ignore pain and shock, pressing on despite what would be debilitating wounds in normal humans. Prior encounters have shown that SCP-076-2 has the ability to (among other things):

Rip through a reinforced steel security door over the course of four (4) minutes of sustained assault.
Clear over 64 m of distance in under three (3) seconds.
Take multiple .50 caliber BMG rounds to the head and survive for several minutes to continue killing, despite severe damage to the cerebellum.
Swat handgun and assault-rifle caliber bullets out of the air with a length of steel rebar.
Survive for over one (1) hour deprived of oxygen before finally asphyxiating.
SCP-076-2's most unusual ability, however, is its ability to apparently materialize bladed weapons out of nowhere. Slow-motion video footage reveals that the blades in question are actually pulled from a miniature dimensional rift described as a "small hole in space." Where this portal leads is unknown, as is how SCP-076-2 is capable of generating said rifts. Footage of the blades in question shows them to be made out of a completely non-reflective black material appearing as a "black void in space." As the blades rapidly vanish after leaving the subject's possession, no structural analysis is possible at this time.

SCP-076-2 has effectively been killed several times in various manners:

Sustained fire from multiple heavy-caliber machine guns.
Asphyxiation.
Crushed beneath a 13.6 metric tonne piece of elevator equipment for use on SCP-076-1.
Cremation through the use of a Thermate-TH3 grenade placed directly inside SCP-076-2's open chest cavity.
During the worst breach to date, Containment Area-25 (which previously housed SCP-076) was forced to detonate its on site warhead as a last attempt to contain SCP-076-2 while it was attempting escape, resulting in total destruction of the site and all on-site personnel. SCP-076-1 survived.

Upon death, SCP-076-2's remains will putrefy rapidly, until reduced to dust. SCP-076-1 and the coffin within will then slam shut with great force, and the lock will rotate, sealing it shut. SCP-076-2 will then reform within the coffin, a process taking anywhere from six (6) hours to twenty-five (25) years.

What posthumous analysis of SCP-076-2 exists shows that it has a internal system highly different from our own, documented in [DATA EXPUNGED].

Additional: SCP-076 was found in ████████████, Mongolia, in 18██, by archaeologists from England. All members of the expedition were subsequently killed on the return voyage home. SCP-076 was recovered from the ship █████ ███████ by the ███████ Society (one of the organizations that later merged into the modern Global Occult Coalition) and placed on display in their Inner Sanctum.

SCP-076 remained in storage for ███████ (██) years, until SCP-076-2 became active and escaped on ██-██-████. The reason for SCP-076's activation is currently unknown, but it was at this point that the keys to the outer shell were lost. A massive manhunt, lasting over three (3) years and ████ ███████, took place until SCP-076-2 was incapacitated by ██████████ ███████, killing it and causing it to reform inside SCP-076-1, by then retrieved and secured by agents of the SCP Foundation.

Subject was in custody for three (3) more years, under constant supervision, and was terminated whenever it became active, although it occasionally was able to escape for short periods of time, often due to security breaches caused by attacks from other organizations. The Foundation's death toll due to this was [DATA EXPUNGED]

[DATA EXPUNGED]

After the last incident, the current procedures regarding SCP-076 were implemented, although they are upgraded regularly with the increase in technological standards.