The entity's hangout (we have a discord now! all are welcome)
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freeway. BARRY (V.O) And once we’re at the airport, there’s no stopping us. CUT TO: EXT. LAX AIRPORT Barry and Vanessa pull up to the curb, in front of an TSA AGENT WITH CLIPBOARD. TSA AGENT Stop. Security. Did you and your insect pack your own float? VANESSA (O.C) Yes. TSA AGENT Has this float been in your possession the entire time? VANESSA (O.C) Since the parade...yes. ANGLE ON: Barry holding his shoes. TSA AGENT Would you remove your shoes and everything in your pockets? Can you remove your stinger, Sir? BARRY That’s part of me. TSA AGENT I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY Barry and Vanessa’s airplane TAKES OFF. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07THE GOVERNMENT LIES 110. BARRY (O.C) Then, if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 4025 - “COCKPIT FIGHT” INT. AIRPLANE Vanessa is on the aisle. Barry is on a laptop calculating flowers, pollen, number of bees, airspeed, etc. He does a “Stomp” dance on the keyboard. BARRY Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job. I think this is going to work, Vanessa. VANESSA It’s got to work. PILOT (V.O) Attention passengers. This is Captain Scott. I’m afraid we have a bit of bad weather in the New York area. And looks like we’re going to be experiencing a couple of hours delay. VANESSA Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. BARRY I’ve got to get up there and talk to these guys. VANESSA Be careful. Barry flies up to the cockpit door. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS A female flight attendant, ANGELA, is in the cockpit with the pilots. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 111. There’s a KNOCK at the door. BARRY (C.O) Hey, can I get some help with this Sky Mall Magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable travel pool filter. ANGELA (to the pilots, irritated) Excuse me. CUT TO: EXT. CABIN - CONTINUOUS Angela opens the cockpit door and looks around. She doesn’t see anybody. ANGLE ON: Barry hidden on the yellow and black “caution” stripe. As Angela looks around, Barry zips into the cockpit. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT BARRY Excuse me, Captain. I am in a real situation here... PILOT (pulling an earphone back, to the co-pilot) What did you say, Hal? CO-PILOT I didn’t say anything. PILOT (he sees Barry) Ahhh! Bee! BARRY No, no! Don’t freak out! There’s a chance my entire species-- CO-PILOT (taking off his earphones) Ahhh! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 112. The pilot grabs a “DUSTBUSTER” vacuum cleaner. He aims it around trying to vacuum up Barry. The co-pilot faces camera, as the pilot tries to suck Barry up. Barry is on the other side of the co-pilot. As they dosey-do, the toupee of the co-pilot begins to come up, still attached to the front. CO-PILOT (CONT'D) What are you doing? Stop! The toupee comes off the co-pilot’s head, and sticks in the Dustbuster. Barry runs across the bald head. BARRY Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! CO-PILOT Who’s an attorney? PILOT Don’t move. The pilot uses the Dustbuster to try and mash Barry, who is hovering in front of the co-pilot’s nose, and knocks out the co-pilot who falls out of his chair, hitting the life raft release button. The life raft inflates, hitting the pilot, knocking him into a wall and out cold. Barry surveys the situation. BARRY Oh, Barry. CUT TO: INT. AIRPLANE CABIN Vanessa studies her laptop, looking serious. SFX: PA CRACKLE. BARRY (V.O) (in captain voice) Good afternoon passengers, this is your captain speaking. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24F please report to the cockpit. And please hurry! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 113. ANGLE ON: The aisle, and Vanessa head popping up. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Vanessa ENTERS. VANESSA What happened here? BARRY I tried to talk to them, but then there was a Dustbuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded...Now one’s bald, one’s in a boat, and they’re both unconscious. VANESSA Is that another bee joke? BARRY No. No one’s flying the plane. The AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER, BUD, speaks over the radio. BUD This is JFK control tower. Flight 356, what’s your status? Vanessa presses a button, and the intercom comes on. VANESSA This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. BUD Where’s the pilot? VANESSA He’s unconscious and so is the copilot. BUD Not good. Is there anyone onboard who has flight experience? A BEAT. BARRY As a matter of fact, there is. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 114. BUD Who’s that? VANESSA Barry Benson. BUD From the honey trial? Oh great. BARRY Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. VANESSA I can’t fly a plane. BARRY Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? VANESSA Yes? BARRY How hard could it be? VANESSA Wait a minute. Barry, we’re headed into some lightning. CUT TO: Vanessa shrugs, and takes the controls. SEQ. 4150 - “BARRY FLIES PLANE” INT. BENSON HOUSE The family is all huddled around the TV at the Benson house. ANGLE ON: TV. Bob Bumble is broadcasting. BOB BUMBLE This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK airport, where a very suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh off his stunning legal victory... "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 115. Adam SPRAYS a can of HONEY-WHIP into his mouth. ADAM That’s Barry. BOB BUMBLE ...is now attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers, and an incapacitated flight crew. EVERYONE Flowers?! CUT TO: INT. AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL TOWER BUD Well, we have an electrical storm in the area, and two individuals at the controls of a jumbo jet with absolutely no flight experience. JEANETTE CHUNG Just a minute, Mr. Ditchwater, there’s a honey bee on that plane. BUD Oh, I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson’s work, and his no-account compadres. Haven’t they done enough damage already? JEANETTE CHUNG But isn’t he your only hope right now? BUD Come on, technically a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT. Barry REACTS BUD The wings are too small, their bodies are too big-- "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 116. BARRY (over PA) Hey, hold on a second. Haven’t we heard this million times? The surface area of the wings, and the body mass doesn’t make sense? JEANETTE CHUNG Get this on the air. CAMERAMAN You got it! CUT TO: INT. BEE TV CONTROL ROOM An engineer throws a switch. BEE ENGINEER Stand by. We’re going live. The “ON AIR” sign illuminates. CUT TO: INT. VARIOUS SHOTS OF NEW HIVE CITY The news report plays on TV. The pollen jocks are sitting around, playing paddle-ball, Wheel-o, and one of them is spinning his helmet on his finger. Buzzwell is in an office cubicle, playing computer solitaire. Barry’s family and Adam watch from their living room. Bees sitting on the street curb turn around to watch the TV. BARRY Mr. Ditchwater, the way we work may be a mystery to you, because making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you something about a small job. If you do it really well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to doing what we do best. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 117. Working together. That’s the bee way. We’re not made of Jello. We get behind a fellow. Black and yellow. CROWD OF BEES Hello! CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Barry is giving orders to Vanessa. BARRY Left, right, down, hover. VANESSA Hover? BARRY Forget hover. VANESSA You know what? This isn’t so hard. Vanessa pretends to HONK THE HORN. VANESSA (CONT’D) Beep, beep! Beep, beep! A BOLT OF LIGHTNING HITS the plane. The plane takes a sharp dip. VANESSA (CONT’D) Barry, what happened? BARRY (noticing the control panel) Wait a minute. I think we were on autopilot that whole time. VANESSA That may have been helping me. BARRY And now we’re not! VANESSA (V.O.) (folding her arms) Well, then it turns out I cannot fly a plane. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 118. BARRY (CONT'D) Vanessa struggles with the yoke. CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE The airplane goes into a steep dive. CUT TO: SEQ. 4175 - “CRASH LANDING” INT. J-GATE An ALERT SIGN READING: “Hive Alert. We Need:” Then the SIGNAL goes from “Two Bees” “Some Bees” “Every Bee There Is” Lou Loduca gathers the pollen jocks at J-Gate. LOU LODUCA All of you, let’s get behind this fellow. Move it out! The bees follow Lou Loduca, and EXIT J-Gate. CUT TO: INT. AIRPLANE COCKPIT BARRY Our only chance is if I do what I would do, and you copy me with the wings of the plane! VANESSA You don’t have to yell. BARRY I’m not yelling. We happen to be in a lot of trouble here. VANESSA It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice. BARRY It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 119. EXT. JFK AIRPORT ANGLE ON: The bees arriving and massing at the airport. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Barry and Vanessa alternately SLAP EACH OTHER IN THE FACE. VANESSA I don’t think I can do this. BARRY Vanessa, pull yourself together. Listen to me, you have got to snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE A GIGANTIC SWARM OF BEES flies in to hold the plane up. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 120. BARRY You snap-- VANESSA Hold it! BARRY (about to slap her again) Why? Come on, it’s my turn. VANESSA How is the plane flying? Barry’s antennae ring. BARRY I don’t know. (answering) Hello? CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE ANGLE ON: The underside of the plane. The pollen jocks have massed all around the underbelly of the plane, and are holding it up. LOU LODUCA Hey Benson, have you got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Lou, Buzz, Splitz, and Jackson come up alongside the cockpit. BARRY The pollen jocks! VANESSA They do get behind a fellow. BARRY Black and yellow. LOU LODUCA (over headset) Hello. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 121. Alright you two, what do you say we drop this tin can on the blacktop? VANESSA What blacktop? Where? I can’t see anything. Can you? BARRY No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY Adam SHOUTS. ADAM Come on, you’ve got to think bee, Barry. Thinking bee, thinking bee. ANGLE ON: Overhead shot of runway. The bees are in the formation of a flower. In unison they move, causing the flower to FLASH YELLOW AND BLACK. BEES (chanting) Thinking bee, thinking bee. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT We see through the swirling mist and clouds. A GIANT SHAPE OF A FLOWER is forming in the middle of the runway. BARRY Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. VANESSA What? BARRY I don’t know, but it’s strong. And it’s pulling me, like a 27 million year old instinct. Bring the nose of the plane down. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 122. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) EXT. RUNWAY All the bees are on the runway chanting “Thinking Bee”. CUT TO: INT. CONTROL TOWER RICK What in the world is on the tarmac? ANGLE ON: Dave OTS onto runway seeing a flower being formed by millions of bees. BUD Get some lights on that! CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY ANGLE ON: AIRCRAFT LANDING LIGHT SCAFFOLD by the side of the runway, illuminating the bees in their flower formation. INT. COCKPIT BARRY Vanessa, aim for the flower! VANESSA Oh, okay? BARRY Cut the engines! VANESSA Cut the engines? BARRY We’re going in on bee power. Ready boys? LOU LODUCA Affirmative. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 123. INT. AIRPLANE COCKPIT BARRY Good, good, easy now. Land on that flower! Ready boys? Give me full reverse. LOU LODUCA Spin it around! The plane attempts to land on top of an “Aloha Airlines” plane with flowers painted on it. BARRY (V.O) I mean the giant black and yellow pulsating flower made of millions of bees! VANESSA Which flower? BARRY That flower! VANESSA I’m aiming at the flower! The plane goes after a FAT GUY IN A HAWAIIAN SHIRT. BARRY (V.O) That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt! The other other flower! The big one. He snaps a photo and runs away. BARRY (CONT'D) Full forward. Ready boys? Nose down. Bring your tail up. Rotate around it. VANESSA Oh, this is insane, Barry. BARRY This is the only way I know how to fly. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 124. AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL TOWER BUD Am I koo-koo kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY BARRY (V.O) Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid of it. Smell it. Full reverse! Easy, just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in. Drop it in, woman! The plane HOVERS and MANEUVERS, landing in the center of the giant flower, like a bee. The FLOWERS from the cargo hold spill out onto the runway. INT. AIPLANE CABIN The passengers are motionless for a beat. PASSENGER Come on already! They hear the “ding ding”, and all jump up to grab their luggage out of the overheads. SEQ. 4225 - “RUNWAY SPEECH” EXT. RUNWAY - CONTINUOUS The INFLATABLE SLIDES pop out the side of the plane. The passengers escape. Barry and Vanessa slide down out of the cockpit. Barry and Vanessa exhale a huge breath. VANESSA Barry, we did it. You taught me how to fly. Vanessa raises her hand up for a high five. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 125. BARRY Yes. No high five. VANESSA Right. ADAM Barry, it worked. Did you see the giant flower? BARRY What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius, man. Genius! ADAM Thank you. BARRY But we’re not done yet. Barry flies up to the wing of the plane, and addresses the bee crowd. BARRY (CONT’D) Listen everyone. This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers, and dress like this. If we’re going to survive as a species, this is our moment. So what do you all say? Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History key chains? BEES We’re bees! KEYCHAIN BEE Keychain! BARRY Then follow me... Except Keychain. BUZZ Hold on Barry. You’ve earned this. Buzz puts a pollen jock jacket and helmet with Barry’s name on it on Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 126. BARRY I’m a pollen jock! (looking at the jacket. The sleeves are a little long) And it’s a perfect fit. All I’ve got to do are the sleeves. The Pollen Jocks toss Barry a gun. BARRY (CONT’D) Oh yeah! ANGLE ON: Martin and Janet Benson. JANET BENSON That’s our Barry. All the bees descend upon the flowers on the tarmac, and start collecting pollen. CUT TO: SEQ. 4250 - “RE-POLLINATION” EXT. SKIES - CONTINUOUS The squadron FLIES over the city, REPOLLINATING trees and flowers as they go. Barry breaks off from the group, towards Vanessa’s flower shop. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS Barry REPOLLINATES Vanessa’s flowers. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: Timmy with a frisbee, as the bees fly by. TIMMY Mom, the bees are back! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 127. Central Park is completely repollinated by the bees. DISSOLVE TO: INT. HONEX - CONTINUOUS Honex is back to normal and everyone is busily working. ANGLE ON: Adam, putting his Krelman hat on. ADAM If anyone needs to make a call, now’s the time. I’ve got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! The bees CHEER. CUT TO: SEQ. 4355 EXT: VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP With a new sign out front. “Vanessa & Barry: Flowers, Honey, Legal Advice” DISSOLVE TO: INT: FLOWER COUNTER Vanessa doing a brisk trade with many customers. CUT TO: INT: FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS Vanessa is selling flowers. In the background, there are SHELVES STOCKED WITH HONEY. VANESSA (O.C.) Don’t forget these. Have a great afternoon. Yes, can I help who’s next? Who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is beeapproved. SIGN ON THE BACK ROOM DOOR READS: “Barry Benson: Insects at Law”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 128. Camera moves into the back room. ANGLE ON: Barry. ANGLE ON: Barry’s COW CLIENT. COW Milk, cream, cheese...it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel. BARRY Uh huh? Uh huh? COW (breaking down) Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat. BARRY I had no idea. VANESSA Barry? I’m sorry, have you got a moment? BARRY Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate here will be able to help you. Mooseblood ENTERS. MOOSEBLOOD Sorry I’m late. COW He’s a lawyer too? MOOSEBLOOD Ma’am, I was already a bloodsucking parasite. All I needed was * a briefcase. * ANGLE ON: Flower Counter. VANESSA (to customer) Have a great afternoon! (to Barry) Barry, I just got this huge tulip order for a wedding, and I can’t get them anywhere. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 129. BARRY Not a problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. Vanessa turns back to deal with a customer. VANESSA You’re a life-saver, Barry. (to the next customer) Can I help who’s next? Who’s next? ANGLE ON: Vanessa smiling back at Barry. Barry smiles too, then snaps himself out of it. BARRY (speaks into his antennae) Alright. Scramble jocks, it’s time to fly! VANESSA Thank you, Barry! EXT. FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy walking down the street. KEN (noticing the new sign) Augh! What in the world? It’s that bee again! ANDY (guiding Ken protectively) Let it go, Kenny. KEN That bee is living my life! When will this nightmare end? ANDY Let it all go. They don’t break stride. ANGLE ON: Camera in front of Barry as he flies out the door and up into the sky. Pollen jocks fold in formation behind him as they zoom into the park. BARRY (to Splitz) Beautiful day to fly
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if anyone can find the secret message i hid type it out i will be impressed
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Anytime soon fellas
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MY god spam block is the most annoying
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Damn, I thought that would get it to 100 for sure
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I figured it out it doesn't matter how long the messages are it just needs 30 per page so were roughly 60 away
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so we need one more great conversation
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quick spam comments! sadly I cannot help much with this due to my jail.
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I won't read all of it
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you just need to skim the shortest section
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@KillermainBTWm8 how did you get jailed?
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98 BOIS
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@friendlykillermainWe'll Make It to the Object of Obsession any moment now, I'm sure.
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yes we will
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you can post 3 times within 3 minutes
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i believe
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But I'm a very slow typer. :(
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@friendlykillermain Look at hoodedfengm1ns wall I put an explanation there because they asked on my wall sorry just 2 lazy to type
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right
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@Hoodedfengm1n @LCGaster @PhantomMask20763 cmon guys where almost there
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Imma scream
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Ugh...sorry I fell asleep in my recent class, ugh
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what class?
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@LCGaster im way ahead of you
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Just theology, nothing too important
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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WAH!!!
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REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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COME ON GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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oh god i look away for a second
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WE GOT THIS
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*BREATHS IN* REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELEEEEEEEEEEEEE
COUUUUUNNNNNTTYTTRYYYYYY ROOOOOOOAAAAAADDDDDASSSS TTTAAAAAAAKKKKKKKEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEE HOOOOOOOOMMMMEEEEE
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REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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the clock is ticking our goal draws near were in the endgame collapse now
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COUNTRY ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADS TAKE ME HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME TO THE PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I BELOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG WEST VIRGINIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TAKE ME HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME COUNTRY ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOADS
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I am glad nothing is happening in my class rn so I can spam useless posts :D
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every little bit help ;)
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we are so close!
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SO CLOSE
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@KillermainBTWm8 @LCGaster @PhantomMask20763
what if a mod locks the thread before we get 100
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@PhantomMask20763 This is for you
Item #: SCP-096
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-096 is to be contained in its cell, a 5 m x 5 m x 5 m airtight steel cube, at all times. Weekly checks for any cracks or holes are mandatory. There are to be absolutely no video surveillance or optical tools of any kind inside SCP-096's cell. Security personnel will use pre-installed pressure sensors and laser detectors to ensure SCP-096's presence inside the cell.
Any and all photos, video, or recordings of SCP-096's likeness are strictly forbidden without approval from Dr. ███ and O5-█.
Description: SCP-096 is a humanoid creature measuring approximately 2.38 meters in height. Subject shows very little muscle mass, with preliminary analysis of body mass suggesting mild malnutrition. Arms are grossly out of proportion with the rest of the subject's body, with an approximate length of 1.5 meters each. Skin is mostly devoid of pigmentation, with no sign of any body hair.
SCP-096's jaw can open to four (4) times the norm of an average human. Other facial features remain similar to an average human, with the exception of the eyes, which are also devoid of pigmentation. It is not yet known whether SCP-096 is blind or not. It shows no signs of any higher brain functions, and is not considered to be sapient.
SCP-096 is normally extremely docile, with pressure sensors inside its cell indicating it spends most of the day pacing by the eastern wall. However, when someone views SCP-096's face, whether it be directly, via video recording, or even a photograph, it will enter a stage of considerable emotional distress. SCP-096 will cover its face with its hands and begin screaming, crying, and babbling incoherently. Approximately one (1) to two (2) minutes after the first viewing, SCP-096 will begin running to the person who viewed its face (who will from this point on be referred to as SCP-096-1).
Documented speeds have varied from thirty-five (35) km/h to ███ km/h, and seems to depend on distance from SCP-096-1. At this point, no known material or method can impede SCP-096's progress. The actual position of SCP-096-1 does not seem to affect SCP-096's response; it seems to have an innate sense of SCP-096-1's location. Note: This reaction does not occur when viewing artistic depictions (see Document 096-1).
Upon arriving at SCP-096-1's location, SCP-096 will proceed to kill and [DATA EXPUNGED] SCP-096-1. 100% of cases have left no traces of SCP-096-1. SCP-096 will then sit down for several minutes before regaining its composure and becoming docile once again. It will then attempt to make its way back to its natural habitat, [DATA REDACTED]
Due to the possibility of a mass chain reaction, including breach of Foundation secrecy and large civilian loss of life, retrieval of subject should be considered Alpha priority.
Dr. ███ has also petitioned for immediate termination of SCP-096 (see Interview 096-1). Order is awaiting approval. Termination order has been approved, and is to be carried out by Dr. ███ on [DATA REDACTED]. See Incident-096-1-A.
Audio log from Interview 096-1:
Interviewer: Dr. ███
Interviewed: Captain (Ret.) █████████, former commander of retrieval team Zulu 9-A
Retrieval Incident #096-1-A
<Begin Log>
[████████ ████████ Time, Research Area ██]
Capt. █████████: It always sucks ass to get Initial Retrieval duty. You have no idea what the damn thing is capable of besides what jacked up information the field techies can scrape up, and you're lucky if they even tell you the whole story. They told us to "bag and tag." Didn't tell us [Bad Word] about not looking at the damn thing.
Dr. ███: Could you describe the mission, please?
Capt. █████████: Yeah, sorry. We had two choppers, one with my team and one on backup with Zulu 9-B and Dr. ██████. We spotted the target about two clicks north of our patrol path. I'm guessing he wasn't facing our direction, else he would have taken us out then and there.
Dr. ███: Your report says SCP-096 didn't react to the cold? It was -██o C.
Capt. █████████: Actually, it was -██. And yes, it was butt naked and didn't so much as shiver. Anyway, we landed, approached the target, and Corporal ██ got ready to bag it. That's when Dr. ██████ called. I turned to answer it, and that's what saved me. The target must have turned and my whole squad saw it.
Dr. ███: That's when SCP-096 entered an agitated emotional state?
Capt. █████████: Yep. [Interviewed now pauses for a second before continuing] Sorry. Got the willies for a second.
Dr. ███: That's all right.
Capt. █████████: Yeah. Well, I never saw its face. My squad did, and they paid for it up the ass.
Dr. ███: Could you describe it a little more, please?
Capt. █████████: [Pauses] Yeah, yeah. It started screaming at us, and crying. Not animal roaring though, sounded exactly like a person. Really ######### creepy. [Pauses again] We started firing when it picked up Corporal ██ and ripped off his leg. God, he was screaming for our help… [Bad Word]… anyway, we were blowing chunks out of the target, round after round. Didn't do [Bad Word]. I almost lost it when it started [DATA EXPUNGED] him.
Dr. ███: That's when you ordered the use of an [Papers are heard moving] AT-4 HEDT launcher?
Capt. █████████: An anti-tank gun. Started carrying it ever since SCP-███ got loose. I've seen those tear through tanks like tissue paper. Did the same thing to the target.
Dr. ███: There was significant damage to SCP-096?
Capt. █████████: It didn't even [Bad Word} flinch. It kept tearing apart my squad, but with half of its torso gone. [He draws a large half-circle across his torso]
Dr. ███: But it was taking damage?
Capt. █████████: If it was, it wasn't showing it. It must have lost all its organs, all its blood, but it didn't acknowledge any of it. Its bone structure wasn't hurt at all, though. It kept tearing my squad apart.
Dr. ███: So no actual structural damage. How many rounds would you say were fired at SCP-096?
Capt. █████████: At the least? A thousand. Our door gunner kept his GAU-19 on it for at least twenty seconds. Twenty [Bad Words] seconds. That's six hundred .50 caliber rounds pumped into the thing. Might as well been spitting at it.
Dr. ███: This is when Zulu 9-B arrived?
Capt. █████████: Yeah, and my squad was gone. Zulu 9-B managed to get the bag over its head, and it just sat down. We got it into the chopper and got it here. I don't know how I never saw its face. Maybe God or Buddha or whoever thought I should live. The jackass.
Dr. ███: We have obtained an artist's depiction of SCP-096's face. Would you like to view it?
Capt. █████████: [Pauses] You know, after hearing that thing's screams, and the screams of my men, I don't think I want to put a face to what I heard. No. Just… no.
Dr. ███: All right, I believe we are done here. Thank you, Captain.
[Chairs are heard moving, and footsteps leave the room. Captain (Ret.) █████████ is confirmed to have left Interview Room 22.]
Dr. ███: Let this be on record that I am formally requesting SCP-096 be terminated as soon as possible.
<End log>
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what if we all get banned/warned/jailed for spam?
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They better not
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We are there boys!!! Almost there!!!
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that would be devestating
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also 99 WE ARE SO CLOSE
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quick before they can lock it get to 100
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the ground is shaking the last generator is done quick we must power the exit gates!
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I will post something very long, I hope it doesn't cause problems
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Things Dr. Bright is not allowed to do at the Foundation
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to feed anything with peanut butter to Kain.
- Telling new researchers that you can tame SCP-682 with a rolled up newspaper and a tummy rub is right out.
- No longer allowed to challenge Able to unwinnable games like tic-tac-toe. It was three weeks before Able conceded a draw.
- SCP-018 is not to be taunted!
- Giving 113 to Diogenes is just plain pointless.
- Attempting to disprove 343, to 343, is a horrible idea. Agents are still studying the resulting paperweight, supposedly so heavy that 343 should not be able to lift it.
- While it is true that "No one expects the SCP Inquisition!", that is only because there is no such thing.
- Dr. Bright is not king of anywhere. Or queen.
- SCP-963 is not to be used for recreational or procreational purposes.
- Although it is entirely possible to use SCPs currently under control of the Foundation to create tentacle monsters, no.
- Not even if Dr. Palmer asks nicely.
- There is no market for SCP brand pornography.
- No, not even in Germany.
- It probably would generate a great deal of revenue if sold in Japan but still, 682 on █████, Jesus Christ man.
- Should not replace the buckshot in Dr. Clef's shotgun shells with any of the following: birdseed, confetti, cake sprinkles, sawdust, or sexual lubricant.
- Should not replace Dr. Rights' lamp with a "novelty" lamp shaped like a marital aid.
- Should not replace Dr. Rights marital aids with a 'novelty' aid shaped like a lamp.
- The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for dealing with containment failures from horrible eldritch artifacts sold by Marshall, Carter, and Dark.
- Dr. Bright must never come in contact with anyone under the age of 18. Let him contact them. It's the only way they'll learn. Just because it is a learning experience, does not mean anyone needs to come in contact with Bright.
- Any requests by Dr. Bright to utilize SCP-212 for enhancement are to be denied, due to several requests being submitted with the research goal stated as "to stick my privets in it and hope for the best."
- This includes requests to use it for enhancement of other organs. I don't care how awesome you think it would be, Bright. You should not be allowed to have telekinesis.
- Victims of SCP-217 are not toys.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to bargain with personnel for their "souls" if they are unaware of SCP-158.
- Don't let Dr. Bright get a sample of SCP-379. Let my laptop be the last victim.
- Not allowed to go off my medication.
- Not allowed to pretend I have any medication to be on.
- May not use any form of the word 'accident' as an excuse.
- Violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays.
- No matter how many times you say please, Dr. Bright, we won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code.
- Nor are you allowed to create and wear hats made using or out of various anomalous objects. We understand that your SCP-894 top hat collection has some tactical value, but that is not a valid reason to wear them in the presence of other researchers.
- If an SCP file says never to do something, it is not because we want to control your mind. Yes it is.
- No, it's not, and Dr. Bright may not edit this document.
- SCP-437 is not to be handed out as weaponry to unsuspecting new researchers.
- [DATA REDACTED ON O5 REQUEST]. Not even for recreational use.
- Not allowed to send Nigerian-esque spam email to the Church of the Broken God.
- Not allowed to lead a Mobile Task Force against the UIU under any circumstances. without inviting Dr. Clef at all. In fact, just stay 500 feet away from any Mobile Task Force at all times.
- Not allowed to end reports with lyrics from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air".
- But is allowed to end with lyrics from the Safety Dance.
- The interpretive dance routine, however, is forbidden until he gets lessons for the foreseeable future.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed anywhere near a Renaissance Festival.
- Especially not with D-class in garb.
- Nor is she allowed to shock the monkey.
- Or anything else related to the monkey.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge anyone to a duel, and then give them SCP-572.
- Dr. Rights is not allowed to spank the monkey.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer spankings to Dr. Rights as punishment, as it only causes more rules to be broken.
- No, it doesn't matter that they are both "consenting adults", no matter how much either of them argue otherwise.
- [REDACTED], [REDACTED] hard.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to use any SCP to alter or affect the outcomes of any reality based television shows, including but not limited to Survivor, Big Brother, Hell's Kitchen, American Idol, or any dating show on VH1.
- Not even if Dr. Rights asks nicely.
- SCP speed dating never happened. Any one who claims to remember such an event should report to Site Command for administration of Class A amnesiac.
- Chainsaws are not the solution to every question.
- Nor is 'More Chainsaws'.
- Or "Chainsaw cannons"
- Except for that one time. And yes, it was awesome.
- Dr. Clef and Dr. Bright are not allowed to interact without the presence of a responsible administrator.
- Dr. Kondraki does not count as a responsible administrator.
- Nor does Agent Strelnikov.
- Or Dr. Mann.
- In fact, let's just keep the two of them apart, period.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed near SCP-5555-J in any way or any excuse. Remember what the miniature version did to Dr. L██████.
- Dr. Bright is not from an alternate timeline.
- Dr. Bright cannot issue orders to "preserve the timeline".
- Or to "corrupt the timeline".
- Or to "screw with those history nerds".
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to apply SCP-963 to any major political figures. Again.
- No longer allowed to make up jodies for morning calisthenics.
- Yes, this includes The Mickey Mouse Club song.
- There is no Ethics Committee.
- And even if there was, does anyone believe Dr. Bright would be on it?
- As anything other than a 'What not to do?'
- If a mind-controlling SCP is discovered, it is to be turned over to the proper authorities. It is not to be used to advance himself or others higher in the Foundation. Kondraki
- Taking said mind controlling SCP to a strip club or Vegas shall be right out.
- Dr. Bright is NOT: A superhero of any sort, Head of Public Relations, in charge of Orientation for new staff, a doctor of psychology, a member of Site Command, made out of bacon, in possession of a IQ over 300, Head of SCP Review, or a member of Maintenance Staff. (Sorry boys, Dr. Bright IS a member of Site Command. It's usually best not to ask why. It's O5 Command you're thinking of.)
- SCP-963 is not a joy buzzer.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-███ to make 'kick me' signs.
- SCP-082 is not to be given song requests, especially not "Like A Virgin".
- "Accidentally" spilling green gelatin on a dead body in the presence of the O5 was funny exactly once, and the smell of excrement exuding from O5-2's khakis spoiled the moment.
- Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to utter the phrase "More than 1,000 babies" in the presence of any SCP personnel.
- Nothing in the Foundation is rated 'Over 9000.'
- Stop posting classified information on 4-chan.
- No using SCP-705 for personal gain.
- Or to plant monitoring equipment.
- And absolutely no giving them tons of extra Play-Doh 'just to see what they can make.' That Mecha was damned annoying!
- If Dr. Bright has to ask, it's above his clearance level.
- If it's above Bright's security clearance… run.
- If it involves something right, you did it wrong.
- If it involves doing something wrong, it isn't right.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing or person.
- A stripper a day keeps the doctor away. Dr. Bright is not allowed to contribute to this list. Besides, ██% of Foundation staff have their Ph.D. It'd take more than one stripper to keep them away.
- That is not a challenge!
- Foundation credit cards or expense accounts are not to be used to purchase pornography.
- Not even anomalous pornography.
- Dr. Bright is not a "marital aid" and cannot refer to himself as such. Especially on official documents.
- Dr. Bright is not the Lord of Rodly Might.
- And is hereby banned from playing Dungeons and Dragons making use of SCPs to 'simulate the real danger.'
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to go to fan conventions.
- Let alone use them as recruitment drives.
- Especially not at Furry Conventions.
- When writing a report, more detail is expected than "Object class: Keter. Special Containment Procedures: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Description: [DATA EXPUNGED]."
- And inventing new security clearances just so nobody can see what you've written is also considered poor form.
- Showing Monty Python episodes to SCP-239 was not a wise decision. Please never try this with any other reality warping SCP.
- "For the Emperor" is not an acceptable justification for any decision.
- "My evil twin did it" is no longer considered a viable excuse.
- Nor is "My good twin did it," considering the implications.
- Yes, forum trolls are annoying. No, they don't automatically become D-class personnel.
- Not allowed to lace 'orgasm muffins' with Ex-lax. Again.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to send e-mails with memetic hazards attached.
- Not even when replying to spam.
- The "Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny" is not grounds to pit more than fifteen combative SCPs, including SCP-682 and Able, against each other.
- "Weeding out some of these angsty teens with attitude problems," however, is.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer 'Free Hugs', nor an act called 'Surprise █████████'.
- "Suck Cock and Penis"
- "Let's use it on 682!"
- "Throw the cheese!"
- "That's it, you're on Keter Duty."
- "Can we put it in 914?"
- "Blood makes the grass grow, kill, kill, kill!"
- "######### trees, I climb clouds #########!"
- "Someone is getting stabbed."
- But some days, it should be.
- "Whose hand is that?"
- "If all else fails, poop on it."
- "If all else fails, there's always the sun."
- "We need bigger kittens."
- "Society of Creepy Perverts."
- "######### Death, War, Famine and Pestilence. We've got Clef, Gears, Kondraki and Bright."
- "Throw D-Class at it until it stops."
- "447 and dead bodies, two great tastes that taste great together."
- "The FBI are a bunch of pansies."
- "Who wants to see what I can make the president do in public?"
- "For the Horde!"
- "Science for the Science God!"
- "Make sure to wipe your feet on 2558!"
- "When in doubt, feed it to 682."
- "Slapstick, Clowns and Puns"
- "Drop the blanket now!"
- "Seduction, Coitus, and Pregnancy"
- "We always need more Dakka!"
- "Still Alive, and Found the Cake"
- "Don't Worry, O5 won't ever figure it out!"
- "Will it blend?"
- "Commies love us!"
- "Snap Crackle and Pop"
- "Sex, Cocaine and Powwahh!"
- sexual healing
- 'more cowbell'
- The "Tamlin House School of Witchcraft and Wizardry" is just a plain bad idea.
- Despite what he may say and any evidence, no matter how plausible, the SCP Foundation has never and will never be associated with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and regardless of what Dr. Bright may say, he is not, and I quote, "A real life wizarding tutor." And we ask him to stop showing us his "wand".
- Nor is he a vampire. That was body glitter and bad acting.
- And despite what the computer file on him may say, he is not Muad'dib. The spice can flow just fine without him.
- Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to offer the solution of "Use more guns" to any problem.
- Or "Get bigger guns."
- Despite his doctoral degree, Dr. Bright is not allowed to either prescribe or administer any of the following:
- enemas
- homeopathic remedies
- any sort of medication
- free hugs
- the healing power of laughter
- Attempts to use Foundation radio telescopes to contact omniscient and omnipotent extraterrestrial entities will result in a bill for any damage to local space-time, including the cost of demoting objects to dwarf planet status.
- Pranks placed into new staff's desks are not funny because they "liquefied in record time."
- A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?" not "Please continue."
- Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to play "Hippocratic Oath Chicken" with the medical staff.
- The Foundation motto is "Secure, Contain, Protect", not any of the following:
- "Stab Carrion Powerfully"
- Instances of SCP-2558-J-Ex are not to be spooked when being held by members of O5. No instances of SCP-2558-J should be anywhere near an O5, let alone SCP-2558-J-Ex.
- Any proposal which includes the phrase 'Metric ######### Load' is straight out denied.
- Not allowed to kick SCP-2558-J.
- Not allowed to play dodgeball with SCP-2558-J Not allowed to play any type of ball game with SCP-2558-J.
- Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that anyone is ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of breasts under laboratory conditions.
- If Dr. Bright is ever found under the influence of any recreational substance, he must immediately be contained under level 15 containment. If you want to know why, please refer to the security tapes for ██/██/████ between the hours of ██:██ am and ██:██ pm.
- If Dr. Bright is found deliberately getting high to get out of paperwork, he is to be placed in a Type 4 cell and hosed down with cold water from a pressurised hose for no less than 5 minutes. Maybe this will teach you that drugs are bad, m'kay?
- Cthulhu and R'lyeh are not valid reasons to send Pandora's Box out into the Pacific Ocean in order to capture them. Furthermore, these are not even SCPs, and I will find the person who decided to enter a database file for them.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to upload visual memetic kill agents to 4chan 7chan any imageboard.
- Well, okay, maybe to 4chan. It'd be doing the gene pool a service.
- Dr. Bright cannot change the standard issue D-Class uniform to black pants with a red polo shirt.
- I see your reasoning, but we just don't want to be associated with Star Trek.
- No matter how many times he may claim it, no matter how many uniforms we may confiscate, Dr. Bright is not a ninja, nor has he ever been.
- No. Not even if he uses SCP-281 to do it.
- There are no security codes for:
- Zombie conga line
- Badass hat
- Vampire can-can
- Disco corpse
- Intense homoeroticism
- Hoo mama
- Necrophilia (I do NOT want to know!)
- Extreme crotch violence
- Man disguised as a palm tree
- Man with porn 'stache
- Kung fu rasta
- Puppy-eating monks
- Justifiable homicide of all you dumb ass mother humpers.
- Bright Family Reunion (Code Brown. Find a place to hide, and make sure you leave an offering of booze outside your door.)
- Dr. Kondraki beach party.
- Just because Bright is a doctor does not mean that he is the Doctor, no matter how many British men he possesses.
- While humour can be an effective way to improve staff morale, it is highly inappropriate to make "Your mum" jokes in the vicinity of SCP-597.
- Dr. Bright may not classify any researcher, including himself, as a memetic hazard.
- Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to accept or use the following as payment for bets:
- Your soul
- Anyone else's soul
- Virgin's blood
- Reproductive organs
- SCPs
- Memories (real or imagined)
- Pieces of your past I have no idea how that worked with Clef, but apparently he can do it.
- The island of Manhattan
- Beads
- Firstborn children
- Second-born children
- Red-headed stepchildren
- Rented mules
- Gold spun from straw
- A child's laughter
- A child's tears
- Virginity
- Anal virginity
- Aural Virginity
- Nasal Virginity (I do NOT want to know)
- Navel Virginity (What does this even MEAN?)
- Ponies
- Anyone's grandmother
- Anyone's grandfather
- Anyone's sister
- Any blood relative
- No matter how many times he photoshops himself into a picture of SCP-682, and no matter how many Australians he possesses, Bright is not, and never was, the "Crocodile Hunter".
- Nor does every SCP/D-Class "really hate it when you jam your thumb up their bum."
- And he is not allowed to do that "Right naow!"
- Nor does every SCP/D-Class "really hate it when you jam your thumb up their bum."
- As funny as Incident 387/682-██ was, Dr. Bright is not allowed unsupervised access to SCP-387. Researchers are still trying to figure out how an animate model of 682 was so invulnerable, despite only being made of just plastic blocks.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new researchers experimenting on SCP-168 to divide by zero, find the square root of negative one, or find the last digit of pi using the SCP. Dr. ██████ is still comatose, and 168 itself is quite displeased with the event.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to use examples from Star Trek when administering Turing tests to artificial intelligences of any sort. Computer hardware does not grow on trees, dammit!
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to plant SCP-2383-J into science labs. We're still picking up complaints from the office of Stephen Hawking.
- No, not even for the good of "SCIENCE"
- Or even as "Science for the Science God". Dr. Bright is also not allowed to refer to himself as such either.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-587 to re-enact the locker scene from Men In Black, nor play Godzilla with its inhabitants.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to show SCP-682 any of the following:
- any Uwe Boll movies
- The Room
- Troll 2
- Manos: The Hands of Fate
- movies considered "so bad they're good"
- movies considered "cult classics"
- you know what, Dr. Bright is just not allowed to show SCP-682 any movies at all, ever.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new researchers that typing "01100110011011110111001001101101011000010111010000 100000011000110011101001011100 0010000000101111010100010010111101██████" in a text file and renaming it "079.exe" will give them complete control over SCP-079.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-559 with one candle in order to [DATA EXPUNGED] attempted breast-feeding incident.
- In fact, let's just amend that to 'Dr. Bright is not allowed to be breast-fed. Period'.
- Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim SCP-014-J has "Breached Containment" and then leave a dining fork in the hallway.
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