Fanmade chapter “Burning Hate”
This is my first attempt at creating a fanmade chapter so feedback or criticism is accepted.
“Burning Hate”
Killer: The Burnt/Sammy Wallace
The Burnt is a Powerful Killer, able to move quickly and silently. His personal Perks, Hex: Fearless Rage, Silent Night, and Shadow Walker, allow him to be harder to spot and track.
The Burnt is focused on stealth and speed. making it harder for survivors to escape his grasp.
Lore:
Sammy Wallace the son of a prosperous family. His father Barry Dick was a famous artist who painted portraits of politicians and royalty. He died tragically in a car accident. Three months later, his mother passed away after falling ill. The young Sammy was sent to an orphange where he was bullied and made fun of by the bigger kids for 4 years with none of the teachers doing anything to help him, he was tired of it all and set the school on fire burning everyone inside including him All the bodies were found badly burnt except for Sammy’s body as it was never found.
The Burnt comes with 3 perks that are unique to him:
Hex: Fearless Rage: The pain they have caused you has filled you with rage.
Each time a Generator is completed, all survivors that were on that generator are given the Exposed status effect for 25/30/35 seconds.
Silent Night: every time a generator is completed your aura can not be read by survivors for 40/50/60 seconds.
"It’s always nice to work on a painting under moonlight” - Barry Dick
Shadow Walker: You hid in the shadows from your bullies but this time you lurk in the shadows for a different reason. Upon snuffing a boon totem you gain the Undetectable status effect for 10/20/35 seconds.
"Stay away from me!" - Sammy Wallace
Weapon: Burnt Knife
The Burnt Knife is the primary weapon of The Burnt. A knife from the school’s cafeteria after the fire Sammy caused.
Power: Burning Rage.
As the match goes on Burning Rage slowly powers up over a 60 second time frame. When Burning Rage is ready press the activate ability button to go into a rage. The rage last 70 seconds, during this time you gain a 0.6m/s speed boost and all survivors suffer from the Exposed Status effect. During your rage you are immune to flashlights, firecrackers, and flash bangs. While in rage you vault windows 2x faster. When a survivor stuns you with a pallet during your rage the pallet breaks instantly and you leave your rage.
Mori: you push the survivor to the ground and stab them in the back as they try to get up. You pull your knife out and pull a lighter from your pocket which you light then drop in the open wound. Smoke rises from the cut and the survivor screams in pain before falling limp.
Gender: Male
Nationality: British
Realm: Foggy City
Movement Speed: 115% 4.6m/s
Terror Radius: 24m
Height: Medium
Survivor: Elizabeth Gold
Elizabeth Gold is a smart but troublesome kid often play pranks on others. Her personal perks, Smartass, Boon: Exposed Weakness, And Planned Out, Allow her to mess with the killer and and get out of trouble.
Lore:
During a vacation to London with her family they got in a car crash killing her parents but leaving her unharmed. She was left in a nearby orphanage as she had no other living family members. After a few years of staying in the orphanage she started pulling off pranks left and right and she was having a great life until a fire broke out and the orphanage was set ablaze. She escape the burning building as smoke from the fire surrounded her. The Smoke slowly turned into a dark fog and began to consume her. As the dark fog vanished she realized she was somewhere different.
Elizabeth comes with 3 perks that are unique to her:
Smartass: When you are hooked hit the activate ability button to get off the hook and break it for 15/20/25 seconds. This can be used once per match. “Sweet! I aced the test!” - Elizabeth Gold.
Boon: Exposed Weakness: Press the activate ability button near a dull or hex totem to make a boon totem. A soft chime rings out for 19/26/38 meters. Whenever the Killer is inside the boon’s range their aura is revealed to all survivors.
Planned Out: Upon opening a chest you may choose which Common/Uncommon/Rare item you want including Flashlights, Medkits, and Toolbox’s. “I’m always one step ahead.” - Elizabeth Gold.
Gender: Female
Role: Solo Prankster
Nationality: American
Realm: Foggy City
Map: Burning Orphanage
Comments
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There's quite a few good ideas here, that with tuning can lead to quite the nice chapter. The concept itself is already a great start, though, so for the first go I'd say it's a success.
On actual balance though;
The Burnt's Power, "Burning Rage"
The power has shades of both the Shape's and the Oni's powers, but lacks agency on the Killer's part to activate it, leaving the Burnt as a normal 4.6 m/s Killer without a power for 60 seconds, which is more than enough time for you to be severely set behind.
The power itself is interesting and would be nothing if not terrifying to be in a chase with, but the Burnt lacks the stealth or speed to truly capitalize on its benefits. Survivors can just run in a straight line away for a majority of the duration, which they can't do easily against the Shape or Oni because both of them have a tool to allow them to quickly down a Survivor with their power; the Shape's stealth and the Oni's dash.
Something that irks me a little as well is that it was stated the Killer was based on stealth and speed, while his power offers neither. The only stealthy part about the Killer is his smaller-than-average terror radius and smaller stature, which while helpful won't make sneaking up on Survivors any easier.
If you're committed to the concept of stealth and speed, I'd probably make Burning Rage more akin to a movement power, and give him a secondary ability that's stealth oriented, but if you want to stick to the actual rage aspect I'd say it's effective, but needs some way for the Burnt to actively charge it rather than having to wait for it to charge, or just be able to activate it for free by holding the Active Ability Button. If the latter route is taken, it'd probably be necessary to reduce its duration to 30 seconds and give it a 20 second cooldown. He could still benefit from another power as well, to further solidify a certain playstyle while also helping the Burnt during Burning Rage's cooldown.
The Burnt's Perks
Hex: Fearless Rage
This perk is interesting, and creates a massive risk and reward. However, the obvious "it'd be broken on Nurse and bad on lower tier Killers" applies to it, though that's likely going to end up being unavoidable.
Maybe if the Survivors who completed the generator screamed, so you know which Survivor(s) are Exposed?
Silent Night
This perk is short and simple, likely to its detriment. It's exceptionally uncommon for Survivors to see the Killer's aura, and more often then not they just use sound queues such as the terror radius to keep track of where the Killer is.
To keep the thematic aspect of Silent Night, it could instead reduce the sounds the Killer makes while using their power, or even just standard sounds like footsteps? This would be to differentiate it from the Undetectable status condition, as it doesn't seem like it's meant to apply that.
Shadow Walker
Shadow Walker is a nice perk, all things considered. It wouldn't be used commonly though, due to it being situational as not all Survivors use a boon perk, and the most common boon (Circle of Healing) is often placed in the most inconvenient places for the Killer to reach, making it hard to capitalize on the Undetectable the perk grants.
As a small boon for Shadow Walker to make it easier to use and more rewarding, it could also reveal the aura of the Survivor who placed the snuffed boon totem for 5-10 seconds?
Elizabeth Gold
Smartass
This perk, while funny, is simply a way better version of Deliverance without any of the requirements or downsides of that perk. Due to this alone, I think the perk would need a complete rework, as Deliverance is already amongst the best perks in the game.
Said rework could be something related to pallets and breakable walls, like the Survivor with the perk can spend apply something to a dropped pallet or breakable wall so that when the Killer breaks it, they're blinded. Only one would be able to be applied at a time and it'd have a long cooldown, but this is just an idea I got for it.
Boon: Exposed Weakness
This perk breaks an unfortunate amount of rules the Boons follow. It expands in range as it increases in tier, meaning other Boons you're running with it have a different radius than it, and full aura reading on the Killer over 76 meters in diameter is legitimately ridiculous, especially since it's revealed to all Survivors, not just ones in a smaller radius.
Tweaks I'd make to the perk would be removing the range increases, and capping it at 24 meters in radius. Instead, the aura reading could only apply for a short amount of time after the Killer does an action (such as kicking a pallet/generator, picking up a downed Survivor, snuffing a Boon) and for a short time after a chase starts in that radius. Maybe something like 6/8/10 seconds for the aura reading.
Planned Out
This perk is really funny. Free purple medkits are pretty strong, but something I find interesting is that the second tier of this perk can arguably be better than the third because of how broken Commodious Toolboxes and Emergency Medkits are. One question I have with this perk; do the other items of the rarity disappear after one is chosen or do they stay in the chest?
Overall, the chapter concept is an exceptionally good one. Oddly enough, despite it being your first concept I found this easier to read than a majority of other chapter concepts on this site. Keep doing what you're doing really, the flavor of the Killer and Survivor are wonderful, and they both have defined personalities that you can pick up on even if you skip the lore sections.
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Thanks for the feedback! I've been writing short story's for a while when I'm bored but this was my first attempt to design something that would be in a game so I definitely had trouble keeping things balanced. When I attempt to write another chapter I will definitely come back here to review problems I made last time. Thank you.
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