how do i stop being competitive?

catslayer Member Posts: 145
edited October 4 in General Discussions

to clarify, this doesn't happen always. just sometimes, for some reason. no, i don't go out of my way and be toxic in the post-chat, i keep it to myself but i still clearly get pissed off and start cussing at them to myself. this may sound normal for most of us, but i still don't like it when i catch myself being so angry just at a videogame that is supposed to be casual/for entertainment.

is there any way that i can just play calmly/for fun? i'm already trying to keep up with my "play to improve, not to win" attitude but there's still times whenever i just act like that out of the blue. how can i stop taking this game seriously? this post may be really similar to my other one, "how can i change my point of view on this game?", but on this one, i'm just looking for tips on not getting all lit up whenever i fail in a chase. sometimes it's hard since i'm kind of a "competitive" person and there are times when i want to win 24/7, but i'm working on that, and it does get better bit by bit.

Post edited by Jocelynbee on


  • tjt85
    tjt85 Member Posts: 279

    As a competitive person myself, I've struggled with similar emotions. My advice would be to try out a silly meme build once in a while. That's what I do when I feel things are getting a bit too serious. On killer, I might fill all my perk slots with screaming perks and be laughing for the whole match (Infectious Fright + Hex: Face the Darkness + Iron Maiden + Make Your Choice).

    Or as Survivor, I might play a Locker Dwight build for a bit. I only recently bought the Switch version, so at the moment I'm enjoying being a P1 locker Dwight with an all locker themed perk loadout (default cosmetics with the bloodpoints charm for added authenticity).

    I can't say it always works, but it does help to remind myself that DBD is a silly video game and it's meant to be fun.

  • Mushwin
    Mushwin Member Posts: 4,557

    Is why I don't play killer any more lol, I just get too annoyed and peeved off, so I stick to survivor, but I feel you, a few times wished to throw the controller at the tv.

  • Xxjwaynexx
    Xxjwaynexx Member Posts: 189

    I like this take. When I started I wanted to win every match and if I didn't win it used to make me so mad. The more I played the more I realized that sometimes there's nothing at all you can do to win, and guess what you don't have to win to have a wonderful game.

    I also had to come to the realization that I'm not the best player in world or even close it and that there will always be teams that are leagues better than me. As a killer you can only depend on yourself while surv you have multiple team mates. If the surv team is super competent your probably gonna lose if y'all are the same skill level and your playing fairly.

    Last this isn't a game where overall skill is a factor you can be amazing and play amazingly against worse survs or killers and still lose due to map rng, perk builds, bhvr bugs, wonky hit hit boxes, or network issues. There's just too much RNG.

  • Shroompy
    Shroompy Member Posts: 5,645

    Whenever you find yourself doing it, take a step back from the game and come back whenever you have a fresh mind.

    If youre also aiming to get better, record your games if possible. If youre able to do that rewatch those games and try to spot one thing you could of done better. With that one thing in mind, go into your next game and try to avoid making that same mistake.

  • Dustin
    Dustin Member Posts: 2,124

    Find a second game to play when you take breaks from DBD. Limiting your time and "detoxing" from this game helps a bit.

    Just understand that you won't win every round as it's designed and losing is sometimes part of the fun. Ignore chat and just try to enjoy the moment instead of worrying about the end of the round.

    My personal go to recommendation for anyone is Deep Rock Galactic. Fun affordable 4 player coop game with a lot of content.

  • GannTM
    GannTM Member Posts: 10,749

    I think the first thing you need to do is take a break. Do other activities like playing other games, working out, listening to music, etc. Just stay away from DBD for a couple days or maybe even a week. This can help with going back to the game with a fresh mind.

    Once you’re back, tell yourself that mistakes will be made in game and that you’ll take those mistakes as learning experiences. Try to say it out loud as well.

    Also, don’t beat yourself up for your behavior. I and many others have had this exact same issue and I am still trying to improve with it as well. The fact that you acknowledge it and you want to do better is a major step and is something a lot of people can’t really do.

    Good luck!

  • Maelstrom808
    Maelstrom808 Member Posts: 679

    The cool thing about this game is what it means to "win" is entirely up to you. Change your game for a while. Give yourself some goofy goal to achieve in the game that's open ended but with the understanding that you are going lose by convetional standards.

    For example, load up a jump scare Myers with a Lery's offering and see how many jump scares you can get. Don't chase or injure just scare em off the gen then start giving the "yeah MFer" nod. Let everyone out at the end. Do it again and see if you can get more. I like to load up Nurse with Anxious Gasp that makes survivors scream when you blink over them and see how long it takes before they realize you are just screwing with them (and of course I load up on every scream causing perk I can).

    Retrain yourself on what it means to "win" and you'll find that you start taking your enjoyment from other aspects of the game.

  • Xernoton
    Xernoton Member Posts: 3,378

    You can try and use weaker perks and more off-meta loadouts. That way, you know that you are at a severe disadvantage and if you lose that can cushion the blow a bit. Also, sometimes it's better to not focus on winning but learning. Eventually this will teach you how to approach the game a bit more casual.

    Focus on what is fun for you. If you like playing competitive then that is what you should do. If you enjoy chasing part more than anything else, then focus on that. And when a match still is rough and you find yourself close to rage quitting, then close your eyes, count to 10, take a deep breath and keep playing. As dumb as it might sound, it actually helps.

  • Nun_So_Vile
    Nun_So_Vile Member Posts: 1,636
    edited September 24

    Hope you find the solution you're looking for OP.

  • UndeddJester
    UndeddJester Member Posts: 1,074
    edited September 24

    A good way to stop taking things so seriously is to win by personal goal, rather than win by game definition, and go friendly once in a while.

    By this I mean, go hard every game, but in every other game you're winning (especially when someone DCs or Suicides on Hook), go for 10 hooks. Then down the 11th hook and instead of killing them, go friendly and pick them up only to let them wiggle free. Find the other player and do the same and let them repair and get out. In your own mind you know you won the game cause you could have killed them but you didn't. If you want 3k, give up hatch.

    By doing this you remind yourself, there is no prize for "winning" or "climbing the ranks". You don't gain anything more by getting a 4k, than you do a 2k with max hooks and alike. When you do get smashed, it's less bitter, because there was a decent chance you were gonna let 1 or 2 people go anyway, and your frame of mind is more about having fun than winning at any cost.

    The benefit this attitude has, is if you're having tough game, you naturally define a new game for yourself while in game. If 10 hooks isn't possible, try for 6. Or know you've lost, but damnit, this Feng that lopped you for 3 gens is going to get hooked... but then let go cause she played well. Being competitive is good, but if you're getting upset, just play some fun games to remind yourself, it doesn't really matter. You're here to have fun...

  • BubbaDredge
    BubbaDredge Member Posts: 802

    The best way to deal with something that bothers you is to do it a whole bunch. You still think winning matters, and that's hindering you and ruining your time. It's like exercise, you don't get stronger by doing things that are easy. Losses are the sore-muscles of DBD. Strength is taking a beating and getting back up to fight some more.

    Play some games that are unwinnable, you'll build skills that will make you more dangerous when you're armed, and you'll harden yourself to it. Once I log in, I just hammer out the trials, bam, bam, bam, just having fun, doing some pretend-violence, racking up BP. You're wasting a lot of time caring. No BP for caring.

    Also throw a few games. Play hard, do really well, but don't win. Taste the poison and you'll get used to it, you'll realize it can't hurt you. Power in this game is controlling the trial. Not caring if you lose means you can go for the big plays, take risks, try all-or-nothing builds. Also it makes you more chill in chase, survivors dance around to confuse you, you're not in a hurry so you can just take your shot like it's no big deal.

    That's your homework assignment. You're not very good at losing so you need more practice. Trust me, I'm an expert at losing.

  • AbsolutGrndZer0
    AbsolutGrndZer0 Member Posts: 944

    First, let me be clear what I am about to say is hard. It took me almost two years to get to this point in Dead by Daylight.

    Remember it's just a game, and everyone wants to have fun, but your idea of fun is not the same as others.

    That's really it, it really is that simple, however of course getting to that point is difficult, so I'll try to explain more.

    For a long time, flashlight blinds, chain-blinds, especially Head On locker stuns made me angry. Body-blocking by crouching at my feet as I walk and even worse at the base of the hook so it's literally impossible to hook the survivor? RAAAAGE.

    But now, I think of the above. They more than likely aren't trying to be jerks, they are just doing what they find fun and trying to win. That's all any of us are doing in the end. So, yes I might get frustrated at the time, but when all is said and done and those insanely frustrating survivors all run out (throwing in some rapid crouches to taunt me at the exit gates) leaving me with a 0K, I look at it as what it truly was. Some VERY good gameplay by them, and I tell them GGWP.

    Now, as for when you get those who kind of ARE being jerks, made clear when they say insults or "ggez" or call you various names, to them I say just one thing, if anything at all. "GL next game." which in them being so rude, if players are saying something like that, odds are they are looking for a negative reaction from you to get their kicks. So by giving them instead a positive reaction, you are giving them the complete opposite of what they want and that will make them even more angry.

  • Shaped
    Shaped Member Posts: 5,851
    edited September 24

    You can't really choose how to feel about certain things unless your perception changes.

    And there is also impulses that we all share especially when it comes to "competing".

    Best way to go about it is not dwell on emotions and move on next even if you rage quit because of an impulse or whatever. Don't ruminate or overthink. And try not to message or talk to people while you are hotheaded, it won't lead to anything productive.

    Don't be too hard on yourself as well. There is nothing wrong with you. You can also choose not to play this game and play something more enjoyable. Let's face it, dbd is a hectic game.

    I never play dbd and expect to enjoy it.

  • the_honey_badger
    the_honey_badger Member Posts: 111

    Maybe you're playing dbd too much? It comes to a point personally for me where I experience the same things you're talking about, I get angry and I just cuss ect. But I find that it's just sort of being way too exposed to dbd, at times I take a break for months and when I come back it feels so much better. Maybe it's just one of those things where you might need to take a break?

  • pseudechis
    pseudechis Member Posts: 3,543

    lets avoid the higher concepts of changing perspective all together and look at what you can practically do in game. If you are serious about changing your perspective.

    First - No quitting.

    When you hit the queue button you are committing to play out the game regardless of what happens. You'll never build resilience to what frustrates you if you constantly avoid it. The moment you quit mid game your session is done you don't play again till the next day at the earliest. If you lost but stuck it out in game then reward yourself.

    Second - Try playing with no addons or offerings

    Remove any false sense of additional investment in the game. You're here to play it out and have a laugh, not earn back what you spent on items/addons. Reducing the sense of investment reduces the sense of competitiveness. You don't have to do this every game but if you are starting to feel agitated then take one possible element of agitation and eliminate it from the pool, you'll care less about outcome and focus more on fun.

    Third - Still do anything to win and expect the same from your opponent.

    Its entirely possible to be a casual gamer and still be motivated to win, the difference lies in whether you enjoy playing the game or just winning the game. The aim is to foster the former and forgo the latter. Even on the losing foot, play it out, play it out and see you may surprise yourself. Don't beat yourself up if you get caught up in your need to win, remember the game itself is fun win or loss, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to win.

    Fourth - Take regular breaks

    Do something else, anything else. Not just when you feel frustrated either, end it on a high note sometimes and try and resist that urge to play again for a bit.

    Last - Don't take it out on other players

    The moment you start doing something out of spite (i.e face camping an obnoxious survivor, Hanging around the exit gate to BM an obnoxious killer). Stop. No mater how justified it might feel. Stop. By all means camp if it makes sense, tunnel if it makes sense but, don't do it out of spite.

    The moment you think "I'm going to get this jerk survivor and punish them" stop and let them go. The moment you think "That killer was scummy I'm gonna BM at the exit gate" just leave and move on. When your motivation becomes negative your overall experience becomes negative, don't do that to yourself.

    Give some of these a try next time you sit down to play a game.

  • RpTheHotrod
    RpTheHotrod Member Posts: 1,155

    If your gaming system supports it. Enable anonymous mode. That way, it doesn't matter how well or poor the match went - no-one has any clue who you are, so you have nothing to prove. Let's you also play more casually and less serious if you want. Who cares if they know you weren't going all out? They can't message you. Your reputation isn't threatened. There's zero ties to you. Just play and have fun.

    Anonymous helped me be more relaxed on playing.

  • Hex_Llama
    Hex_Llama Member Posts: 1,746

    What I've found in this and other games is that I get a lot more frustrated when I feel like I need something specific out of the match -- a win, or challenge completion, etc -- and other people are "playing wrong" and making it impossible to get.

    I think the flaw with the "play to improve" strategy is that it's still often based on hitting certain metrics that aren't totally in your control. So, you still need something specific, and you can still get frustrated by getting blocked by others.

    So, if your focus is improvement, my advice would be to maybe refine your goals into something that is 100% in your control and feels like a success no matter what anyone else does. So, instead of saying, "I want to successfully land all of my hits" maybe "I want to stop swinging impulsively." Stuff like that.

  • Zraith
    Zraith Member Posts: 88

    often times the other players are in fact jerks so feeling upset about it is actually the correct emotional response. if more people were banned for unsportsmanship more often (or at all), then maybe we would not need to face these people this often in the game

  • Amaroq64
    Amaroq64 Member Posts: 93
    edited September 26

    Play survivor with your friends.

    I would start killing myself on hook whenever I got pissed off and felt the game was bullshit.

    When I did that with my friends, they told me after the game "We could've won that if you didn't suicide at the start."

    That made me realize that someone I actually cared about was depending on me to stay and keep trying.

    So that forced me to persevere even when I felt it was bullshit.

    My attitude improved, I began persevering instead of rage-quitting.

    And now I'm better about sticking with it to the end, both as survivor and as killer.

    Also, if your killer is underpowered enough to put you back into rage-quitting, stop playing that killer.

    If you need to prestige a garbage killer, play as a good killer and then feed your bloodpoints into the garbage killer's bloodweb.

    You get like 3-6x more bloodpoints as killer than as survivor, so it's much easier to feed a garbage killer's bloodweb by just playing a different killer.

  • Vanishlord
    Vanishlord Member Posts: 320

    Try fun builds and maybe even try taking a break for a few weeks if none of the other suggestions work. I took one for 6 months and it helped me come back and be able to play for fun and stop being competitive. Now I play pig and have some friendly matches obviously this isn't for everyone. Try play you're own way. Maybe taking a break won't work for you the same way it works for other people.

  • appleas
    appleas Member Posts: 713
    edited September 26

    This is the wrong game to be competitive in because the developers can’t make up their mind if they want it to be competitive or casual, leaving it in an ambiguous state.

    FPS or fighting games would be a better expression of your competitive nature. I believe you would be happier playing games of those nature than DBD.

  • Grigerbest
    Grigerbest Member Posts: 1,287

    Personally I think it's hard to "cure".

    The competitive nature is within some people personalities. It's hard to "pretend" that you enjoy losing.

  • totallynotamegmain
    totallynotamegmain Member Posts: 441

    i ran only light-born in a game with no flashlights on Freddy, that was the game I stopped caring