Eight said:

Who cares? You're a Dwight, just die already.

61.056-71.808 depending on perk tiers

@PhantomMask20763 said:
I would run over to the shirtless David and ask him to heal me as we hide behind some trees

Default Healing Time: 16 Seconds
Self-Care (50% speed): +16 seconds; 32 seconds
Dying Light (25% speed) +8 seconds (with self-care); 40 seconds
Sloppy Butcher (25% speed): +8 seconds (with self-care); 48 seconds
Coulrophobia (50% speed) +16 seconds (with self-care); 64 seconds
Thanatophobia, 3 survivors injured (12% speed) +3.84 seconds (with self-care); 67.84 seconds

Not including potential stacking values. For instance, Coulrophobia would probably factor 50% after all the other effects. In that case, it would be 77.76 seconds.

I'd do the calculations in the way I assume they work, but since this seems like a joke thread...

@Khalednazari said:
It's not a joke thread. Atleast for me. 

It was worded like that, but whatever.
Post the percentages of each perk involved and the base healing time and I'll do the math, but I'm too lazy to look up all the info for myself.

@Khalednazari said:
The calculations from the perk percentages do not match the actual result ingame. 

Then the calculations being done do not match how the game actually makes them.

@Khalednazari said:
So you mean, these perk description doesn't contain all the info needed to calculate it? 

If only one perk is being applied, then they do. However, if more than one is being applied, you also need information on how the game handles overlapping interactions, which is not expressed in the perks.

Look, do you want the math or not? If so, give me the percentages and base heal time. If not, I'm going to eat something.

@TheDarkLycan said:

@Orion said:
2 minutes and 3 seconds (123 seconds), give or take, if it's done additively (adding all percentages and using that number as the debuff) with all perks thrown into the mix simultaneously.
54 seconds, give or take, if it's done multiplicatively (multiplying all the reciprocal percentages and using that as the debuff) with all perks thrown into the mix simultaneously.

EDIT: I saw you added Sloppy Butcher after I did the math. Give me a minute.

it would make since if it is additive since caulrophobia itself is 50% of base heal time and with self care it would already take over 45 seconds so a total of around 54 seconds would be too low to make any sense

Heal speed is not the same thing as heal time. Sloppy Butcher reduces healing speed by 20%, but it increases the healing time by 25% (4 seconds out of 16 seconds). To make it additive, you'd get a 107% healing speed decrease, meaning your speed would go below zero.

It's possible some perks apply additively and others don't, which would make this virtually impossible to determine without a KYF group with the patience of a saint.

@Khalednazari said:
What's the calculation with Sloppy Butcher? 

With Sloppy Butcher and everything else, it's 1 minute, like I said.