this community needs a little bit of a face lift, people too

and i'm not necessarily talking about just in appearance, i'm just talking about us as people with this silly little game we all like to play. how we handle each other, what we find joy in, how we express our opinions, and how we overall live our lives beyond these screens

ive come to realize over the course of a couple of threads and comments ive made on these forums, asking questions and understanding what im reading, that negativity does indeed thrive and that, realistically, it always will. posts have evolved to speaking on their woes, have become argumentative, almost like being combative is the only way you will ever succeed in getting in communication with one another. debates are a normal aspect of life, but it feels unnatural when debating becomes a necessary trait in starting a conversation with others

i read an opening post today that highlighted the topic of the community being responsible for ruining this game (see https://forums.bhvr.com/dead-by-daylight/discussion/377518/the-community-ruined-this-game#latest) and it made me think about a lot lately... the first thought that came into my mind was "how would someone perceive this post"?

i feel like most would simply just scroll past, rolling their eyes and saying "this person is just complaining about the state of the game again", "this person is just salty", "they mustve gotten bullied by some toxic swf", or some other common statement thats typically made on here or on reddit, wherever it is. some have genuinely thought about it and shared their opinion already, feeling like it was worthy of their time of day

for the former, i do not fault them. i cannot fault them for believing as such when these emotions are fairly common amongst those who tend to be the loudest with their statements, and i cannot fault them for believing as such when they're surrounded by it because people want things to be this way too

so, i wanted to just kind of talk about this sort of thing and, hopefully, help jumpstart a change in vision as a person who too has gone through things in life. i do not expect people to read my post, outside of some volunteer or paid moderators doing their job or the occasional passerby who spares the precious seconds of their life reading what i have to say (if you do, im thankful for that). honestly im praying i dont accidentally break these forums what could potentially be the largest post on there ever as of recent. sorry mods who have to scan this entire thing i hope you get paid overtime for this 😭

i want to briefly make a disclaimer that this post is in good faith, im not trying to talk down on anybody or make it seem like im trying to be a messiah, because i know that there's going to be some very opinionated persons potentially approaching a post like this. i just wanted to promote a discussion and maybe a healthier way of thinking, thats all

with that out of the way, i will resume my rambling. you might as well grab a glass of water and a meal while youre at it LOL

im gonna start off with talking a little bit about myself and my relationship with this game

when i first started playing dead by daylight a little after its release, i was marveled by how fun the game was at its core at the ripe age of "playing this game a little underneath its intended audience age (18+) but enjoying the concepts anyway". you play as a survivor (or as a killer) and indulge in the simple task of completing your objective using or working against the little nuisances that the developers have set up for you, you gain points doing these things and accomplish your end task, reaping the satisfaction of doing so. for what its worth, its a very fun way spending your 15-20 minutes after wanting to wind down from a long day. you crack a can of soda, get a good snack, sit down, and do your thing. that's what ive done for the longest time every time and continue to do that. it became a common thing for me to do it, especially after dealing with a day of unnecessary hardships that changed the course of my life regularly

i grew attached to it because of its simplicity, and as being neurodivergent does by itself sometimes, i grew hyperfixated. dead by daylight has become a staple in my life as a product. i wouldnt consider myself a fanboy or a person whos wiling to lick boots and kiss tails over it, but i love the game enough to appreciate it in its entirety and understand it as if i had made it myself. it is a very interesting game, i have made some friends with it. in fact, a friend introduced me to the game during middle school, and thats where my love for it began

i loved everything it had to offer. the characters and licenses they got involved with (demogorgon my absolute beloved, i personally identify myself with it but thats a discussion for another day), the stories, the environments and moods, the bugs that ive encountered, the (theorized upon) technology, some of the frustrations that drove me to become better at the game and develop a playstyle, the music, sound design, the 3d models and their animations, some chunks of code i managed to uncover and tinker with, the forums, the discord server i was temporarily a part of before i got banned fairly swiftly due to triggering a forbidden word filter by accident (even though i was frustrated with that, i never once got mad at the mod who banned me for it 'cause it was my fault), the reddit. i loved the people involved too

i especially loved the people, the community

i was never really one to talk to others in fear of being bullied for sharing a thought or sharing some things that people quite obviously dont care a lot about, with the exception of the occasional post i made sharing something my ADHD told me to do or posting about my killer main, or me just being enthusiastic about something ive found and wanted to share with others. and even though the dead by daylight community is no different from any other community, for some reason i felt at home reading everyone's posts and checking the forums every day to see whats up. i felt happy here and, frankly would probably be really sad if dead by daylight were to ever go offline or the forums were to be shut down.

ive grown more confident over the years sharing my thoughts online and ive been practicing on doing that on these forums, encouraging people to try and talk with me on some topics i thought would be interesting or worthwhile of people's time. it helped me feel a sense of purpose when my depression kept on interjecting my ability to think and speak day-to-day. i am an artist, so my nature is to do this in the first place too, sharing things. so why wouldnt i?

but what ive come to realize is that there's not enough interaction with these types of posts that promote... i dont know, being content with things and happily showing stuff? or sharing a thought and having a thoughtful discussion, boosting creativity or innovation, or anything?

sometimes, a post like that gets a lot of attention. i would say about a good 40% of the time, which is decent 'cause that means people do care about things people have to say... but that attention isnt always the greatest. opinions are always going to be a thing which is pretty normal for a human being like yourself and i, but sometimes theyre shared for better or for worse. some of the opinions are not healthy or are very emotionally driven, which is also for better or for worse.

i dont shame people for having thoughts about something, even if i dont agree with it or it could be extremely negative, because there's a reason for everything and it could be for the most complex or simplest reason known to man. but sometimes i cant help but feel sad reading some things.

often times when you log into these forums or.. really, anywhere that involves dead by daylight and digital social gatherings/discussion bulletins, you see a LOT of negative opinions. all the time, in any place, on something that has to do with dead by daylight. now, this is a common thing for literally anything that involves people, even beyond just gaming communities. im talking, you have people having negative about the fact that the earth is round or that their pillow isnt cold enough to sleep on at night, and its just so overwhelming to them that it has to be shared and held up to the highest regard online.

that's where the remaining 60% comes in with a majority of the posts. i wont necessarily say they're all complaints or straight up negative, but it feels like people have lost their spark in being able to understand the concept of something and take it in for what it is, or could be. now, i could be wrong with this, because i too can be subject to bias sometimes, but that's just what i personally see.

and it makes me sad! because a lot of the cool stuff that could be talked about or enjoyed is buried underneath all the arguing, emotionally charged discussions, and strong opinions about what the developers couldve changed or "who said what about something that joe said because joe is wrong and mary keeps siding with simon instead of listening to me because i think im right, the devs are wrong, the game is wrong, YOURE wrong, this is all wrong! survivors and killers are wrong and bad and this is all so bad and-"

maybe now you're starting to see my point. and i dont mean to make it seem like this is always the case, sometimes points of discussion do start from a negative point of view and later turn neutral or positive! i live for those conversations because they bring the most interesting debates that ive ever witnessed. but, sometimes it gets to be a bit much. it especially becomes way too much when you encounter it in-game and it makes you want to turn it off or do the same thing back to someone.

sometimes it makes me wonder what people are going through in their lives that causes things like this to come up. i know we're all suffering from something to some degree, everybody has their own issues at the end of the day. but i feel like a lot of the time, things get internalized way too much to the point where it influences and even downright encourages that kind of behavior. it ends up becoming the norm, to allow yourself to impose something negative upon someone because it feels good to get that out or to make someone feel the same annoyance as you have. sympathy and empathy are a very powerful thing, but when used incorrectly it can harm whole cultures. it can have an effect on how you live your life, because a decision will always have an impact

and i think dead by daylight's community is a perfect example of that in its fullest, even if people dont really see it that way because its associated with a silly party game with four survivors and a killer. in a way i perceive it as a fundamental life thing. the way in which you choose to live will craft your day-to-day, all the way down to how you decide to breathe and eat.

so why is it that people choose to live in misery and actively surround themself with all sorts of negative things? why is that, every time i come onto this forum, i see someone mumbling about how mad dead by daylight makes them, or how poor developer decisions have affected their ability to want to keep going or causes them to behave a certain way they play the game? why is it that, because of these things, survivors are worse than killers or killers are worse than survivors? science and personal philosophy has taught me that pain and pleasure are close to each other, but i personally dont see any reason as to why pain has to be indulged in the most instead of the benefits of pleasure. you cant have one without the other, but you can choose to create how much of what you want out of one side more.

and i think that's something a lot of people nowadays miss as a whole when it comes to any sort of community. sure, you have the right to leave or change something if you yourself are not satisfied with something, and that's perfectly fine! that's actually what i wanted to bring up in these walls of text. nobody is obligated to hang onto things that do not make them happy, and nobody is obligated to torment themselves. its not worth it, especially since we live only one life anyway

you do not have to be miserable, you do not have to have a miserable place to call home, you do not have to have a miserable game to play.

a change in perspective and a change in how you go about things does a whole lot, and i can safely say this as a person who has been through many things since they were little. some have had worse than me, but the lessons that life teaches are all the same for every person. i feel like this community needs that, and i feel like we also need that as people. seeking out the pleasures in things rather than the pain can be just as good as wanting to feel the pain in order to grow and be a better person as a whole.

we as a people need to not be tolerant of slop or bullcrap, sure, absolutely if we do not want to have a terrible experience. but we cannot always be so adamant about our tolerance either. sometimes, its just better to let go and let things be as they are once in a while. sometimes, its better to change things so you dont have to be as adamant about it. there's nothing wrong with allowing an opinion to be an opinion, there's nothing wrong with curating your own personal experience, and most importantly, there's nothing wrong with having fun and trying to find something more positive to hold onto.

dead by daylight is a game that, at its core, brings people together to have fun. its social media presence is, at its core, meant to sell that to you. as much as business can be a pain sometimes, and we all have our loves and hates with capitalism (yes im taking a jab at politics because some of that comes into play with discussions too, i see you political nuts! :P) there's nothing wrong with enjoying a product for what it is. that applies to people too. for once, i feel like we would all benefit from changing the way we deal with things and offer a much healthier space for the sake of ourselves as well as the world around us.

we already live in a pretty nasty place as it is. the world can be extremely cruel to us simply because of someone else's decision, so why should we make it any harder and crueler to ourselves than we need to? if we want to be selfish, at least be selfish with the intentions on doing what it takes to make it easier for all of us. we get closer to our own personal utopias this way. a lot of us need that.

if you really feel opinionated about something and want something to change, logic is most certainly your best friend and can be used in tandem with emotion. express yourself, but do it in a way that makes sense and do it in a way that helps others understand you without adding unnecessary hardship or cruelty. it goes a long way and encourages a more healthier way of building and maintaining relationships amongst each other and, as silly as it is, the people who have brought you a game like dead by daylight to begin with. distancing yourself would not have to be necessary, and you will feel much closer to yourself and home than you ever have.

you also teach yourself inner peace. truly! you wont feel as frustrated with the survivor whos teabagging you at the gate after a hard game because you find it easier to remind yourself that the experience is what you choose to feel

if your eyes havent bled out of their sockets by now (unless youre the demogorgon and you dont have eyes, good on you!), congrats, you made it to the end of the opening post because i ran out of steam despite me having way more to say and i probably will continue what i wanted to say in a comment later on

i encourage a discussion about this and i personally really hope that people actually comment on this too, because i feel like there needs to be a reminder about.... whatever i just said! HAHA

anyway, talk to you guys later :) bye bye