To the pet owners in DBD: 2 days ago, while playing DBD, my cat tried to cuddle me
I put my elbow out because cuddles from him usually involve lots of rubbing his face against mine. I can't see when he does that. And I didn't want to blow a skill check or accidentally body block a teammate.
So I raised my arm, pointing my elbow out, again and again, gently deterring him. And then I kept playing DBD.
And he died last night. I found him in my bedroom, on the floor, next to my bed. He looked like he was sleeping.
Words cannot explain the unfathomable grief I have. It's choking me, making it hard to breathe, impossible to sleep, and twisting my insides until they want to expel.
He was fine. My baby was fine. No warning. He just went to bed, next to where I go to bed, and seemingly died in his sleep.
I can't really write well now. I'm still too much in shock.
But I guess the point of my story is, I didn't cuddle my baby because I didn't want to mess up in DBD. And I . . . I can't process that choice and the ramifications it now has for me. Maybe he knew something was wrong and he just wanted to feel better. I don't know. Thinking about that sends me into another wave of utter grief.
I have other pets. And thinking about how I didn't cuddle him makes me determined to cuddle them whenever they want. I don't care if I mess up in DBD. I don't care if I blow a skill check or body block a teammate or whatever--and you shouldn't either. If your pet wants to cuddle you, happily cuddle them. I won't care if I'm your teammate and I get sacrificed because you took the time to show some affection to the special ones in your life. It's just a game. It doesn't matter. They do. I always knew losing him would be hard, but I didn't know how hard it would be until I actually lost him.
Give your pets some love right now. Every cuddle is more precious when you realize you'll never have another.
(When I wrote this post I couldn't bring myself to post it. Still not totally ready to, to be honest)
Comments
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I'm sorry for your loss :(
Just remember that we're all human. As much as maybe we'd like to be, we can't exactly spend 100% of our energy on our pets at all times. Your cat almost certainly had a far better life having you as an owner than they would have otherwise. I'm sure right now you don't see it that way but try to keep that in mind and don't beat yourself up over what you could have done or what you didn't do that you should have.
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Give your pets some love right now. Every cuddle is more precious when you realize you'll never have another.
i just did. My chinchillas let you know they do not approve as they are not too fond of cuddling (though they got treats afterwards so they are fine)
though on a more serious note:
i am terribly sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is obviously hard and it is completely normal that you think you should/could have done something better - but you did give them a beautiful life and home, they clearly loved you and I don’t think pets hold grudges like that when not getting pet, they went to bed where they expected you after all.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. It's always rough when a pet you love dies. Since your brain likes to be a jerk when you're grieving it's going to have you think of any time you took forgranted and think what you could've done differently instead of focusing on all the many times you showered your kitty with love and affection. I'm sure for that one time you didn't snuggle your kitty there were way more times you dropped whatever you were doing to give it your undivided attention. Don't beat yourself up over that one time when you gave the cat an entire life of love.
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Thank you Tippy. Appreciate it.
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The chinchillas secretly love it ;)
Thank you, Mooks. That means a lot.
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Thanks, BM. It really is rough.
Thank you for saying that. It was a comfort.
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I am so sorry for your loss, I am not good with words to say much more than that, but... my heart goes out to you.
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I appreciate it--genuinely. Words aren't always best, and I can feel you mean it. Thank you.
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I’m terribly sorry to hear that. I’m in the same boat of not knowing what to say, but it goes without saying that you have my sympathies.
I’m not exactly a cat expert, but it seems abundantly clear to me that your cat was loved and he loved you.
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Very kind of you to say... thank you. Truly.
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