Pinebrook Prologue
Comments
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Yeah, me too.
I respect their work, though. They do a good job, even if it's a bit difficult for anyone, including myself, to really appreciate it.
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Well I spent most of my time instead of doing school work to instead write these two pages. I hope you all enjoy and this one starts off differently then before since I will edit the last page where Julie was instead dragged off, and have that excerpt done sorta off screen. But I want to thank all of you, this has been an amazing bit to write and I hope you all enjoy @Beelzeboop , @QwQw , @glitchboi , @GoobyNugget , here you guys go.
Elliot nearly wanted to vomit of remembering Penny, he felt nauseous as the bits of what was left of his sub nearly came out if it hadn't already. " Okay just get out of here, she's no one." Elliot lied He never felt so sick, and shocked, sure Julie got what she deserved he believed that but he expected a bit more vial end. Instead, she was dragged off, and out of the room. It felt like an eternity before Elliot could muster the strength to exit, but stopped realizing he needed a weapon. With his small trusty flashlight, returned it on. To his shock, there wasn't much in the janitor. He spotted a trench shovel, he walked over to pick it up. " Has a bit of heft, it'll do".
He exited the closet. " Oh Lord in heaven." He squinted at the rotten guts of the Rhodies. The smell was worse like rotten eggs but he could almost taste it as well. Suddenly another aroma, caught his attention, one he was to familiar with. "Smoke". He coughed as he saw a decent vapor of it leave through a door in a room down the hall, Elliot exited the room where there were a bunch of broken down bits of wood and saw a trail of smoke where Julie was dragged off, he could hear commotion inside the room . Elliot covered his mouth as there were noises of struggle were made clear, he could here Julie screaming for her life, it brought him memories of Penny.
He remembered her, Penny Hewitt a beautiful and kind woman. She wasn't as drop dead gorgeous as the girls in the magazines were, but unlike them she was real, and the only woman that Elliot truly loved. Elliot tried not to shed a tear, but he still coughed at the smoke that was in the air. Suddenly the sounds of struggle stopped, he heard the stomping of the floor as the Furnace thing marched out of the room. It moaned as its molten orange glow beamed in the smoke like area. Elliot held to what was left of his breath, it was suffocating, he felt like he was in a small box and if he moved something would happen.
The Furnace thing, marched around the area, with its ax in its right hand. The chains rattled with every step, they were like ringing bells. The monsters eyes were like a lighthouse that pierced the smoke. Elliot wanted to fight this thing, but apart of him told not to. He didn't even know what the hell this thing is, an idea popped in his head. I just need to get out of here, maybe I can break one of the windows and hop out, there wasn't a window in that room, what about the one behind.... Elliot thought. He stopped realizing that to know for sure there was window, he would have to sneak past the monster. He inhaled the bad air, and began to make his way to the room.
Elliot quietly crawled with his shovel in hand behind The Furnace thing, he dared not breathe, he dared not flinch. The monster towered over him as he was less than 10 feet away from it, as it marched, Elliot felt the floor shake slightly. He didn't dare to look at it, and wanted to pretend the monster didn't exist. Elliot noticed that this was the first time he felt this much heat since he arrived. For what felt like an eternity Elliot finally crawled past it, but then his shovel knocked into a metal sounding object that Elliot presumed, was a tin can. The noise echoed throughout the hall, and the Furnace Thing stopped.
His eyes widened, the hairs on his neck stood, as he began to shiver as he began to drip cold sweat. "Oh #########." Elliot whispered. He turned around and saw the Furnace Things' head turned and stared dead center at Elliot. He immediately stood up and pounded his feet against the floorboards as hard he could. The Furnace Thing began marching over to Elliot, its footsteps pounding against the floor. Elliot didn't look back as he ran straight for the door slamming it, and hoping there was a window. To his luck there was, and the now bloodied corpse of what happened to Julie as a large tear in her groin was made known.
Elliot with his shovel smashed against the glass, it shattered against the shovel. He peered out and saw a decent drop less then ten feet, suddenly a slam came against the door as a growl of the monster came from outside of it. With no choice Elliot hopped out cutting his leg in the process and landed on the ground outside of the town hall. He didn't care about the pain he wanted to live! Elliot stood up and was in awe of the town, it had changed all of it. " What the ######### is wrong with this town!?" He bellowed
The town no longer had only brick buildings, but building made up entirely of wood, some even sported a cross symbol. The streets now appeared run down and cobbled as blood and other liquid substances were splattered across the floors. The sky was brighter then before and had a greyish glow to it, as a group of goose flew across the sky chirping away. Elliots attention reverberated back at The Furnace thing as it roared loudly out of the room , it jumped out and landed near feet away from Elliot. " ######### you!" Elliot screamed as he swung his shovel at its head.
With one good whack the shovel smacked The Furnace thing across the head, and the monsters' head moved only a few inches, it didn't even stumble back. Elliot's eyes widened in fear , as it turned back to face him, in a flash it punched Elliot in the face, the blown sent him stumbling back and nearly falling over. The Furnace thing marched towards Elliot with ax in hand and raised it high to cleave him. But he quickly recovered as landed a blow at its chest this time it flinched back as it groaned. Elliot got up and shoved the shovel directly into its left breast, it cried in pan.
" Take that you fiery bastard!" He cried, the monster grabbed the handle to Elliot surprise, and began twisting the wooden handle breaking it. The Furnace thing grabbed the head of it out of its chest and through it to the ground, it growled and charged at Elliot. He tried to turn to the side but thing grabbed him by the beard and threw him forward to the floor , tearing at one of his hairs. Elliot cried in anguish, and raised his hands begging for mercy, but in a swift strike it landed directly on his stomach, as he felt what could be described was and extremely aching painful hit that burned tremendously.
"P-Penn...Y, help me." He futilly called for help for his former lover. From the wound a flame arouse setting both his clothes on fire but also him. Elliot screamed as his plastic boots melted at his feet combing them, his clothes joined in, his hair and beard lit a blaze as well. Elliot felt not only extreme pain, but also a great amount of rage, it was so great it shook his whole body. It felt like his soul was being torn apart, from the inside, he wish he could redo it all, make up what he did to Penny. Elliot felt guilt for what he'd done to Penny, as another wave of excruciating pain, the world began to go dark. The pain was still there only this time it intensified as he felt what was left of his strength shattered.
The Furnace thing lifted up the ax out of his stomach and began to walk off. Elliot by some miracle was still alive but not for longer. "P-Pen...ny, b..baby, I'm...so s-s-sorry." Elliot stuttered as tears enveloped his eyes. Elliot remembered when he had a deep love for Penny, he remembered how they met, the love they shared. However it was not meant to be for Elliot cared more about his drinking and other pleasantries then Penny, he left her only for her to contact him that she was pregnant. Elliot didn't want a child, nor did he want to pay for it, but knowing the fact that she worked at a church school he schemed to make sure she would get rid of the child. Elliot blackmailed her in aborting the child, or he will tell her boss that she was pregnant, the good sir wouldn't allow something like that allowed. Eventually Penny did abort the child, she grew depressed and committed suicide, leaving Elliot a loner. With one final breathe Elliot closed his eyes as he laid his on the ground, to be at peace, but in this town, he will never know peace...
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You should probs work on your schoolwork now, seems like you worked really hard on this, well done! Also, poor Elliot, he didn't deserve that.
Wait, I WAS RIGHT ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO JULIE! I... I think?
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Yeah you were I just wanted to rewrite it so it wasn't as cruel as it was originally, and so I didn't have people question my sanity, but this isn't the final page for the prologue
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Wow, I would love to read this again after its edited.
On a critical note, Elliot seemed to just suddenly remember Penny with no prompting whatsoever just after something violent and horrible had happened. Something you need to remember is that when people are scared, their minds stay "in the moment," so it would take a strong cue to remind them of something, even a traumatic or important memory.
There's another thing I've wanted to point out for a long while, but I've never found an actually constructive or even truly effective way to say it. You know, no actual advice on it other than just "get better" or "practice." But, given that the prologue seems to be over, I kinda have to say it now. If this comes off as a little harsh, it's due to my failures, not yours.
You need to make sure that the story sort of... "flows," for lack of a better term. The way you write it, it seems like you're just trying to cram in all the information you need without paying much attention to how it impacts the tone. If you didn't know, text has a "pace," like any other media. Commas give a little speed bump, ellipses(...) bring it to a grinding halt, periods give a brief pause to let the reader take a moment to think or catch their breath, and run-on sentences cause acceleration.
If you want to sound breathless or tense, put in multiple sentences that communicate small amounts of information. That conveys a "logical" element, which human minds tend to default to when in pain, or when they are particularly relaxed. Do the opposite if you want it to sound overwhelmed with an emotion, like awe or terror or adoration.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that you need to work on how you pace the text and the story. A general rule is to make the pacing look something like this:
Sorry for my crappy mousewriting, I was doing this f a s t.
You can have as many "humps" as you want, but in general the more of them you have, the more complex the story. In Pinebrook, I would suggest at least three. In general, the wavy line should look fairly uniform, going up and down, getting slightly higher as it goes on, and peaking at the climax.
The "status quo" is where the story starts. The default state of the world, if you will. At the end of the story, everything should have either returned to an altered state of normal, or an entirely new form of normality should be established in it's place. If there is no change, all of the events of the story are meaningless in context. Unless, of course, the story exists to set up events for a future story.
I'm not sure if any of that was actually helpful, or if you already knew all of that.
Anyway, I'm really hoping to see more from you in the future. I'll be keeping an eye out for your work.
Remember, no matter what you write, you'll always have a fan in me. And I will
always
be
watching
you
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Yeah I absolutely suck at pacing, and knowing when to cram info in stories. The problem is that I want to keep the prologue short, and good, all the more while setting up the story and themes of what is to come into Pinebrook, but... your right I need to work on it. Honestly I don't know if I can make this perfect, I will try but I don't want to make the a story each 90 ######### pages. Also this isn't the end of the prologue there's like three more pages, maybe four or five, to get to the damn point and make it perfect.
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Oh, sorry. I kinda thought that with the whole "protagonist dying" thing combined with the text at the end of the page that it seemed like it was over.
You never need to go for perfect. "Good enough" is really the goal. Improvements can be made from there if you want, but in the end striving for perfection is often counterproductive.
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Yeah I get it, I wasn't going to leave the story like that without an idea of what the hell happened, plus the prologue is also to set up what is to come into Pinebrook so , but you mentioned that my pacing was kinda off ngl, but I should probably have improved upon it . The only reason Penny exists was to humanize Elliot, from my standpoint he was an absolute jackass to begin with, and I wanted to show that this character really wasn't a bad person always. But now reading what you read, I might just cut her at this point. I feel like she was the reason there was so much info to begin with. I might not cut her entirely though, I can reuse her later but she would have no connections to Elliot.
However Elliot's story isn't over yet, I've actually showed y'all what was gonna happen to him in the end even before it happened. Anyway the story will continue after the events of the prologue . If you don't mind I might share small tiny excerpts of the short stories to come but I'm not sure yet. You know what's funny is that I've basically foreshadowed what is to come in the next three short stories, using very small details, that flew over people's' head.
However I have to ask is there anything you liked about todays pages? I'll admit I could probably work on making the town, I didn't want to go to in depth of it by mostly allowing you to imagine it, but maybe I could've added a bit more.
Post edited by Dabihwow on2 -
Alright, sorry for the late reply, yesterday was very stressful and busy for me.
When you said James was going to be the main character, I just thought that meant Elliot would join forces with him, not that Elliot would die. That caught me really off guard.
I gotta say though, that was one sad way to go out. I know Elliot did an awful thing to Penny, but I still can't help but feel a little bad for him as Furnace Head set him on fire.
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I understand but yeah, sorry about that, I planned Elliots' death from the very beginning . But from his death will then therefore begin how the events of where Pinebrook takes place. Penny although I'm not sure if I'll cut her, the only reason she exists is to humanize ELliot, but I felt I crammed way to much info in this page for it to be likeable. I haven't set her up from the beginning, she was a quick idea I came up with and I probably should've established her from the beginning
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Yeah I agree that she kind of came out of nowhere, overall though I think she'd be a good addition to the story.
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I just need to find a way to incorporate her
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Hey, I'm back. I kinda... passed out after my last post, and ironically only got like three hours of sleep. So if this post reads like my brain is melting, that's because it is.
I don't think adding Penny was a bad idea, but to include her you would need to rewrite the entire prologue so that she doesn't abruptly come out of literal nowhere. If you're up for it, I think she should be included in the final piece.
You know, it would be really cool if you split Pinebrook into multiple short stories instead of one or two long ones. This suggestion may exclusively be the result of stress, exhaustion, and reading too much The King in Yellow. Either way, I would love to read Pinebrook short stories.
One thing I liked in the pages you posted was how well you pulled off the scene where Elliot was sneaking behind Furnace Head. You got the pacing and tone pretty good there, and, as usual, it had an excellent concept that a lot of writers would struggle to set up properly.
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That's something I didn't consider, making Pinebrook an anthology series.
I think that could be a very cool idea.
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I considered it being an anthology series, but I'm not sure. I have more experience in the 'video gaming industry', and honestly I'm not sure if RE follows the term anthology. I don't want it to be however just about a new singular character every time, it would be like a switch between a few characters every now and then. I have to give this thought, making Pinebrook into an anthology series would require a lot more work on developing the characters that is different each time. I will consider it, I do plan to rewrite it to help make sense of it, but now I'm gonna finish all the stories before considering rewriting them
Its not that an anthology series is a bad idea its jsut a lot of stress
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Well if you thought the last page was the end of the prologue, well guess what... It isn't however it is almost done. Now I want thank you guys for pushing me to finish the prologue. Anyway here is the next page @QwQw , @Beelzeboop , @glitchboi, without futher ado here it is
Somewhere else in Pinebrook, an alarm that sat on a nightstand began to ring through out the dark room. The individual that laid in the bed let out a sleepy groan. They covered their head with another pillow, but it did little to blare out the loud alarm. The now annoyed person sat up and placed his hand on the alarm, it still continued ring. At this point, he had enough and slammed his fist on the alarm, it finally stopped ringing. The person let out a long sigh as he began to rub his sleepy eyes. His name, was Daniel Linderton. " Good mourning Daniel, time to get your ass up and movin'." He muttered, his voice had a slight southern drawl that he learned from his grandfather.
As he began to stand up he looked at his LED clock, it read six o'clock, enough time, for Daniel to get ready for work. I better call Samuel, make sure he did my job at the museum. Daniel noted as he walked for the light switch in the room. He carefully tried to maneuver his way to the light, but almost tripped on the stuff on his floor, . Daniel managed to get to the switch, and flipped it , however the light blinded him as he covered his eyes. " Oh ######### ,bad idea!" Daniel cried. After what felt like a while, his eyes adjusted to the light he was able to open them again to his room.
His room was slightly messy, with some clothes on the floor that need to be taken to the washer, and there was one stain on a carpet. Given that the house old it is close to being fully renovated, the room wasn't terrible, it had a baseball poster of the Indians. But the greatest thing in that room, was a Louisville slugger, that was around a yard long. This bat that Daniel named 'Sluggy', was a recently acquired bat for Daniel to use later on in the league. It was made of ash , and had a leather grip. But James stared down at his desk and reached for his phone, scooting his chair out of the way. He picked it up and dialed and waited.
" Come on Samuel, pick up the phone." Daniel whispered impatiently. But the call didn't come back. " I'm sorry, but the person your trying to call is unavailable, at the tone please leave a message, when you are finished please end the call." the receiver stated. A beep came and Daniel took a deep breath. " Hey Samuel, its me Daniel, I hope you did the cleaning last night, and when you have a moment call me back alright, bye." Daniel ended the voicemail and sighed.
Daniel set the phone down and left for the shower down the hall. He carefully paced down the wooden hallway, and into the shower. He closed the door behind him, stripped, and washed his body. It was quite a while before he turned off the shower head, and began to make his way back to his room with a towel. He checked the clock again and it read six seventeen . " I got time, before work." Daniel noted. He began dry off, and toward his dresser and pulled out a pair of dark jeans, a t shirt, and boxers. " You almost done there boy?" A gravelly voice came from outside the door.
"Yeah gimme a sec." Daniel responded as he pulled up his pants, and put on his shirt. He tightened his pants down, grabbed a pair of socks and exited his room to be greeted by his grandfather, Caleb Linderton. The man was old, but built like a damn tank, this man had large muscles, and could probably lift a whole fridge by himself. Daniel grew to respect him, even at a young age to now. " Alright son, I need you to go check on the chickens, and ol' Betsie while at it, also stand up straight boy, don't slouch." Caleb commanded, Daniel nodded as he began to walk down the hall. " I'll make breakfast for you, how does bacon and pancakes sound?" " Oh you don't need to ask that to get an answer." Daniel chuckled
Post edited by Dabihwow on3 -
Ah, James has finally been introduced, I like him so far.
I'm interested to see why Pinebrook seems normal at the moment, maybe things will change after James does a little exploring.
Side Note: Caleb is giving me slight Jack Baker vibes.
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Thx, I mostly am basing James personality off of myself, and Caleb is in fact similar to Jack Baker now that think about it, but not as pychotic
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Yeah, I more so though of Caleb as having slight uninfected Jack vibes. A strict but loving parent.
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Sorry I had to go do something, yeah I mean, Caleb is technically a military veteran so that's why he has that strick demeanor
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I'm here. Sorry for not responding right away.
Now it's time for the unending criticism that you must endure for the heinous crime of making something I'm willing to spend my time to contribute to.
...
Wow, I actually don't really have anything to say against this...
Wait, I've got one. There were a couple lines of dialogue that should've had a period instead of a comma. Also, you shouldn't put a space between the opening quotation mark and the first letter. I thought it was just a recurring typo, but given the quality of this page it seems deliberate.
Also, if we don't see Sluggy become very briefly implanted via surprise invasive surgery as an impromptu prosthetic brain, I will be sorely disappointed.
I like Caleb. There are so many things you could do with him as a character, both immensely horrific and endearingly wholesome.
We haven't seen much of James, but I like him so far. But I swear to God he better have anger issues, or so help me-
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Good evening! I'm not sure how I missed the mention of this, but I'm glad to have been 1/3 of the people to have been mentioned! I'll start reading it!
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Interesting, so it's shifting at the last few parts of the prologue. I like where it's going! Excited to see these new characters' development.
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Thx, yeah Sluggy is actually James favorite weapon of choice, a baseball bat. I wanted it to reflect his personality and his interests, plus when I was thinking about making Pinebrook a game I felt that having to many guns blazing is a bit overused. So I wanted a melee weapon that forced the players to get up in front of the monster they're facing, it was a lot scarier given the fact of having to get close to a monster like Furnace Head, or some of the others just to fight them.
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You could make the game a Souls-like, too, so the player absolutely needs to know their weapon and the enemy they're fighting at any given moment. That way. they'll be more engaged with the combat system than with more standard survival horror games.
Remnant: From the Ashes is a good example of a Souls-like with firearms, in case you were wondering how that could work.
Just a thought.
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You mean dark souls? Oh boy I don't want to ensue that much rage into my players, but it could work, I don't have a lot of experience. I want to make some situations where you can fight your way or be stealthy to pass your obstacles. I do want there to be crafting making it for the players to be mindful of what they can and can't do in some situations. Now firearms are in the game, but... the ammo is extremely limited; for example the ammo for a rifle has only thirty rounds total and that's not including going around finding the bullets.
As for crafting James has some knowledge for crafting materials like a baby powder bomb, medicine, but not bullets. Playstyle of the bat was very similar to Joe bakers ( If you ever played RE 7 dlc End of Zoe), where James can perform combo that he learns later on.
This was something I wrote down on paper while making it I'm not
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I got the idea for a QaA for Pinebrook I might do it seperate post. Although I'm not sure if there will be any questions I'm up for it if anyone is interested
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You'd better tag me if you do, because
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@Beelzeboop, @QwQw ,@glitchboi Here is the next 1 or 2 pages of when we spend time with James, I might have to look it over but it took a while to make sorry for the wait. Now onto the page
He began making his way out into the living room making his way past the the couch and tv, and over to a shelf that had his outside boots. James picked them up and slipped his feet inside. He tied them into a tight knot and exited out through the front door. James walked out onto the porch and breathed in fresh morning air, as the sun was rising. He walked off the porch and onto the concrete, which he then made his way to the chicken coop. James already heard the chickens flapping furiously and clucking like a bunch mad dogs. "Well into the belly of the beast I go." James sighed
He stopped at the coop, and let out a sigh as he entered and was greeted by a mad flapping of birds. Feathers bird ######### and weat laid on the floor. The chickens in question were excited to see James, however he was not excited to see them. James went to pick up an egg container and began to pace toward the chickens' cubbies, he picked up at least eight eggs, and received two or more bite marks. After words, James exited the coop irritated from all the clucking, and went to the front porch to drop off the eggs. "God damn chickens." James growled.
He then walked to the small barn on the right of the two story house, and entered inside. "Betsie you here girl?" James called out, he heard a loud moo. " There you are honey." James, as he walked over to the old cow. She has been a part of James life since childhood, saldy though she was dying, James knew that. A pain came to him, Betsie has been apart of his life since growing up on the farm. Its like saying goodbye, suddenly Betsie mooed again bringing James back to reality, he blinked, and looked over at the cow. "Sorry about that honey I'll feed ya here shortly."
James walked over to a closet, and grabbed a bag of cow feed. He lifted it over his shoulders, and made his way to Betsie's food bowl. James opened the bag then poured it into the bowl until it was full. He checked her water bowl and thankfully for him it was still rather clean. "Alright, I'll see ya later Betsie." James spoke softly as he made his way out of the barn and back to the front porch, he picked up the eggs and walked inside. "I'm back." He called out as the smell of bacon, pancakes, and coffee filled his nostrils
James quickly took off his boots, and marched into the kitchen where a plate of two pancakes, two bacon slices and a cup of coffee waited for him. "Thanks grandpa." James thanked Caleb as he took the plate, and the coffee then sat down at the dinner table. James stared at the tv watching the news talking about the weather forecast, he cut up his pancake and took a bite out of one of them. "Was Betsie alright?" Caleb questioned as he came to sit down next to James. James shook his head solemnly, which made Caleb sigh. "I don't know if there is much we can do for her now, poor girl, I know how much you love her but we gotta put her down, your daddy wou-." "I know pa, I don't want to talk about it though, alright, just, not now." James interrupted him
Suddenly he felt a chill in the air and lifted his head up to face Caleb, and his expression didn't show a hint of a smile. "I'm sorry I-." "I know, I get it boy, you don't want to think of, them, right?" Caleb questioned, James nodded his head sadly as he continued to eat the rest of his breakfast."I understand I apologize, but don't talk to me like that again, got it boy?" Caleb demanded. "Yes". "Yes what?", James sighed. " Yes,sir ". James groaned as apologetically as he could. "That's more like it." Caleb voiced. James rolled his eyes and stared at the Tv, and watched as the meteorologist talk about the weather.
"Well it looks like its gonna rain in the next few days." James announced. "Yeah, I'll have to check in and make sure it can work ." Caleb commented. "Thanks John up next we have a missing reports case that has been shared to us this morning." The newswoman said on the TV. James stared at the screen as he took his coffee, drank the burning hot liquid, he tasted the cream and sweetener. "We have reports of a man named Elliot Ford who went to deliver concessions and others at a local gas station in the town of Pinebrook, South of Indianapolis has gone missing last night." It was at this moment Caleb looked and stared at the tv screen with concern. "He was last seen ordering a meatball sub from a local restaurant, and was last heard by a phone call with his CEO, Otto Franklin."
James glared at the screen, it wasn't the first time he heard a missing persons report. However, it was the first time he heard it here in Pinebrook, of all places. "I... I'll get ready, I'm finished thank you." James said as he took his plate and walked over to the sink and washed it off. He then walked back to his room, hearing the news lady talk more about this, Elliot Ford. James entered in and picked up his phone, he turned it on to see he missed a phone call. He checked the time and it read six thirty. "Oh #########, I gotta get going. then." James commented, as he quickly began gathering his uniform.
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Ohhh, I like this one!
Maybe it's just me, but your grammar is also improving.
I have to question how all the ######### with Furnace Head went down and yet the town seems completely normal, but I guess we'll figure that out in time.
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You know thats a question, not even I can fully answer.
Also thx, I am beginning to keep track of what I'm writing and how I'm writing
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This one was pretty good! Also poor Betsie.
James is the main protagonist, correct?
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Yes
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Sorry for responding so late. I've been really busy for the past couple days. You know how it is.
But I'm here now, and that's what matters.
Well, actually, what matters is that you posted a new Pinebrook page or two, but I'll let that slide for now.
This is really good. I can see a couple mistakes, but nothing that a minimal amount of editing couldn't clean up. You've really improved a lot since you started writing this, and I'm pretty proud of you to be honest.
Gotta say, I really expected the town to be abandoned like Silent Hills. But I actually like this better. It adds an additional level of uncanniness to Pinebrook, which I really love.
Something I feel like I need to address... the protagonist's visual description sounds a bit too close to another James we know... with the whole sunken eyes, coat, jeans, dirty blonde hair. While the similarities aren't too extreme, you need to be really careful when making a work that's heavily inspired by another one.
People are very, very overeager to call something a rip-off if there's even a slight similarity. I've seen Gemini Home Entertainment be called a Local 58 rip-off, to give you an idea.
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Oh my god how in the hell did I forget about him... #########, I didn't mean to literally make the character sound literally close to James Sunderland, damn it ok I'm gonna have to think of a new name for the character or at least make up something else, the name James literally popped in my mind when I was creating the character.
Maybe something like Jack Linderton, Henry Linderton, Nick Linderton, Oh boy I gotta get to editing
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I agree, the town actually seeming completely normal adds a level of uncanniness that makes you think "Somethin' ain't right."
Almost reminds me of the end of Daughters when after all the horrific ######### that just went down the prior night, the Bakers sit down and eat breakfast like nothing even happened. That sense of uncomfortableness I feel is big part of horror that lot of modern work seems to be lacking.
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Okay important discussion: Since yesturday I found out that the name James Linderton was extremely close to James Sunderland, I've decided to rename him.
However I want you guys to decide, tell me which one sounds better
Jack Linderton, Nick Linderton, Henry Linderton, or Jedidiah Linderton
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Hmmm, I'm gonna have to go with Jack Linderton. Even before I played RE7, I always liked the name Jack.
Also Scott. For some reason I always liked that name too.
@Beelzeboop @glitchboi I'll tag the boys for you.
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I always liked it but both the name Jack and Scott are family member names I have come up with one being my grandfather, the other, being my dad
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So then does that mean you don't want to use the name Jack or Scott?
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I probably won't however I have some other names like Ben Linderton, Rick Linderton, I was gonna go for Jedidiah Linderton but now I'm not sure
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Well let me ask you this; how "exotic" do you want the name to be?
Like, do want something a bit more generic such as Josh, Bob, Ben, Alex, or would you want a more uncommon name? Like how I named my character in the chapter I made "Graydon"?
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Not too exotic, but I might not want to go with something as generic as alex, but looking through a list of names how does the name Jacob Linderton sound Iike it or Daniel Linderton either I'm fine with
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I like the name Daniel.
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I like it too so far it seems like I'll choose Daniel Linderton as the new name but I'll wait for the others
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Yeah, I'd wait for the others to give their input before you choose a name.
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Hello!
I like the name Daniel as well, seems pretty cool. It's also unique. Although Henry is pretty good.
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Okay a large majority vote for Daniel lets see what Beezleboop says
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Hubert Linderton.
But Daniel works too.
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