Pinebrook Prologue
Comments
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Alright its been decided James Linderton, will now be renamed Daniel Linderton
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Beelzeboop mentioned that your James has a similar appearance to James Sunderland. Are you gonna change his look at all, or do you thing it shouldn't be a problem now that you've changed his name to Daniel?
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Well thing is, I'm trying to limit the similarities between the two characters. And Daniel had a very similar appearance to James Sunderland, except Daniel has a rounder face than James Sunderland does. Plus his hair is like a brownish blonde, Daniel also has blue eyes that are greyish. But in terms of personality Daniel tends to be someone very close to how Joe Baker is, with a bit more sense of patience and understanding. Physically Daniel isn't the most athletic and does have some 'weight' on him but very little.
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Oh alright then.
Yeah, I'd say now that you've changed his name and altered his appearance a little, there's a big enough difference between the two characters.
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This is the final page, for Pinebrooks prologue, it has been one helluva journey writing this from the start we met Elliot, a man with sins he couldn't fully confront. Now to the newly named Daniel Linderton ( James Linderton ). I want to thank everyone who has enjoyed my works as an author it brings me pride and joy knowing that my work has inspired and introduced you to this dark world. I might show small excerpts to give hints what is to come but I let y'all decide. Thanks for being apart of making Pinebrook and let us see how the beginning ends.
Daniel grabbed the shirt from his closet, and changed out of his t shirt for the formal looking one. Daniel also picked up his phone, and pocket knife. " Alright time to go" He mumbled, as he marched out of his room, he saw that the Tv was turned off and Caleb was tying his shoes. " Here you are boy." Caleb said as he handed Daniel his boots. " Thanks Pa." Daniel responded, as he quickly got his boots on. After they were nice and tight, he got up and went for the coat hanger to grab his brown, leather jacket. It had wool, and fluff around the collar of the neck which Daniel thought was a nice touch.
He exited the front door along with Caleb. He began walking down the steps of the patio and to his grandpa's red truck. Caleb locked the front door, as Daniel hopped in the truck. As he buckled down, Daniel began wondering about the missing individual that was last seen in Pinebrook. Why is someone missing in a small city like Pinebrook, we aren't that big like Indianapolis, maybe Bloomington, but still just how? He wondered. Daniel heard Caleb climb in and turned his to face him. He buckled down and inserted the keys. The truck roared to life, Caleb began putting the truck in reverse.
He reversed the truck into a small rectangle section of his rocky road. The sound of the tires driving over them, was like popcorn popping in a microwave. Caleb then shifted gears and had the truck drive forward on the rocky road and stopped at a gate that blocked off people from the property. Caleb hopped out and went to the console near the gate, Daniel just waited until the thing opened. Once Caleb entered the code the gate opened, and he made his way inside the truck. They drove off the property, then onto paved road, and to the right as they passed up and down the hills around the trees.
Even though Daniel has lived in Pinebrook for all his life he was still mesmerized by its beauty. With the trees were like gateways to some place that was from some fantasy. But now, something felt different, almost out of place, the trees now didn't emit the same beauty as before. Daniel still couldn't shake off the fact that someone went missing, he turned away from the window and looked forward. " Hey grandpa." " Yeah?" Caleb responded. " Is it me does it all feel different, I still can't shake off that someone went missing here." " Well it happens, I... I believe people will find the cityboy, either way and people will carry on." Caleb answered
Daniel squinted and looked at Caleb when he answered. Daniel knew his grandfather for being caring about others, even strangers of all people, its all part of Hoosier Hospitality. But now, Daniel didn't detect a sign of that caring side of Caleb. " Grandpa you okay, you just se-." " I'm fine boy, don't worry about me now, worry about yourself, let's not talk about the missing person, understand?" Caleb questioned. Daniel sat wide eyed, and nodded. If there is one thing Daniel knew is that when his grandpa spoke in such a tone, he will shut his mouth only to him.
They began to reach the small buildings near Pinebrook, and soon they began to see the whole view. The buildings though old looked magnificent with the brick decal placed on it, yet still it felt, off. " Alright here we are, I'll drop you off right next ." Caleb spoke. " Alright, but remember to pick me up at three o clock, don't forget ." Daniel reminded Caleb. " Dammit boy, that one time, one time." Caleb remarked. " I just wanna make sure my grandpa still got it." Daniel chuckled. " Boy I can still kick yo ass and you know it. " Caleb answered, Daniel still chuckled.
They came into a parking space as Daniel hopped out of the truck and waved goodbye to his grandpa. As Caleb drove off, Daniel then began to make his way to the museum. "Daniel." A feminine voice whispered directly at his ear. He spun around to see no one, Daniel also received some weird looks, as he smiled and waved. Calm down, its just you Daniel lets not make it weird. He assured himself. Daniel sighed and began to hum a tune the people knew in this town, as he began to walk in the streets, of Pinebrook.
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@Beelzeboop @glitchboi you forgot to tag the boy's.
Anyways, man it's been a hell of a ride. Pinebrook has been such a cool series, I'm gonna be sad to see it go for now. I can't wait for the full thing to release!
Now, about this page, as usual I really like it! I fine it very eerie how Pinebrook is almost normal, but not quite as stated by Daniel. Caleb also seems off, meaner than he usually is. I wonder what's gonna happen to him.
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Oh crap I forgot to do that, sorry you two. thanks QwQw its really been a long time three or four months of work and there is still a lot more, now that I'm done I can focus on the second story. Once that is done Pinebrook by then would be technically done, but thanks to your feedback and suggestions I now will commit time into adding quality of life changes to the stories
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Ayo thanks for tagging me. And no worries man.
The prologue's over, I wish you luck on the rest of the novel!
Also, poor Daniel.
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It's cool man.
If you had to guess, when do you think you'll actually be able to publish Pinebrook?
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If I had to really work my ass off on Pinebrook, maybe later this year. However I need to edit or have someone edit some stuff to make light of the stories. In Elliots case you could see it wasn't the best, plus I need to completely rewrite the third story, write the second story, then the epilogue, find a publisher, and a way to advertise the book. So I have a lot on my hands. plus I need to find a way to balance it with school, and dbd.
I was thinking about making into a game but I need to finish the book first before that.
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Yeah I understand. It would be insane to ask you to publish it this year.
Whenever it does come out though, I'll be first in line to buy it! A Pinebrook video game would be sick, but I imagine it'd be extremely hard to make.
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Thank you for your patience you can follow me on twitter or not its up to you. I don't usually post any tweets, but onto the subject. I would love to make it into a video game but no way in hell will I make it by myself, I have decent knowledge of coding and programming in Javascript I can do basic stuff but nothing to advance than that.
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I know Jack-######### about coding, so I probably wouldn't be much help.
Here's hoping that when Pinebrook succeeds you can use the money to hire some professionals to help you make the game.
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Or I could get lucky which I hope I do.
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Don't worry, you didn't need to tag me. I've had this thread bookmarked since page three.
Some issues I've noticed:
You said "buckle down" instead of "buckle up," which is the more common way to phrase it. However, it might just be a regional difference I haven't heard of. If so, then that's fine.
Characters tend to put in commas when they're speaking as opposed to periods, turning what would have been natural sounding dialogue into awkward run-on sentences.
When dialogue is cut off (meaning ending with a hyphen), you don't put in a period at the end. Question marks and exclamation points are good, though. For example:
"Smile, you son of a- !"
If the sentence ends after the dialogue it contains, you shouldn't put a period at the end of the sentence, following the above mentioned rule. For example:
" I don't know, it's like this: thousands of years ago this spaceship crashes, and this thing, whatever it is, jumps out or crawls out and gets entombed in the ice," MacReady sighed.
Otherwise, the whole thing is great, as usual.
I'm kinda disappointed that we're not gonna get much more Pinebrook until the books come out, but it's probably for the best.
Remember to save one of the first prints of the book for me. I don't care how much it costs as long as I can get my hands on it.
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Its something I need to work on but I'll see if I can get it to you
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@glitchboi oi, @QwQw , @Beelzeboop
S barely retained conscience as he began to open his eyes. his head and body still ached; S eyes made out a dim light in a dark dank room. His eyes widened as he felt his arms and legs were strapped together. He felt a strange ache around his jaw, as two sharp points were poking around his back cheeks. " Oh good our guest of honor!" A scraggly high voice vocalized. The individual turn around frantically looking for the voice, he then made out movement in the dark. Then from out of the shadow a figure came into view, the man stopped before his victim.
The man barely showed his face and made sure his top hat covered his eyes. But what from he could tell, the man was wearing a tail coat that had a crimson hint of color. Down the chest in a line formation colorful cotton balls that reached down the waist. " Wha, who-," "I know helluva surprise right, well its my specialty!" The high pitch voice squeaked. S stopped and tried to struggle out of the chair he was sitting in. " Look at you wiggle worm here let me help you." The man assisted as he pulled a odd looking object out of his pocket and pulled S to the floor; bonking his head in the process. " Ow, hey let me go who the ######### are you!" S screamed.
The man stopped and grabbed S's face still not showing his eyes. " Watch your mouth you ######### brat!" The man growled. The man stopped and tilted his head up, and S saw his eyes. Those eyes, they weren't human, they irises of the eyes, were a pale glowing white. The eyes seemed to illuminate the rest of the eyes and S saw a very heavy red color in the eyes around the irises. " Don't worry, I'm here to celebrate with you, come now, lets have FUN!" The man cackled as he dragged S down the dark hallway
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Now just what in the hell is this? A teaser maybe? Either way, I'm very interested.
I guess until we get more info, all we can do is speculate on who these two characters are, but I assume that "S" isn't Daniel? Or maybe it is, and you're trying to throw us off?
Hmmmm.
Oh, and by the way, congratulations on 3,000 posts, Dabihwow!
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Thanks
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Let me just whip out my pencils and crayons real quick here...
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Interesting. I wonder who S is? Eh, he's probably dead anyways.
Wait, is this page related to Pinebrook, or is it a teaser for something else?
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Its related to Pinebrook yes
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So I was writing a bit of a rough draft that sole purpose was to explain the atmosphere and to add detail to the streets of the town in the dark realm of Pinebrook. So here it is
The street lights illuminated a tan yellow, like it did much. The buildings appeared crumbling as some had long streaks of rust, and blood running down the sides. The powers lines were a sight to see, as blood dripping intestines, organs, and human appendages wrapped around the cords. They sizzled at on the lines emitting a stomach clenching aroma. The paved road now was filled with cracks, it even had graffiti that was painted in dry crimson colors. There were bodies of different creatures hanging off buildings and some across electric lines. Their bodies were covered in barbed wires, but looking closer the barbed wire were spewing out of them, carving their rotten skins.
The sky was a grey and the moon couldn't shine through the clouds. The trees that gave the town its name appeared withered and spewed a moldy black looking liquid that was as thick as puddy. The smell was that of sweat, rusted iron, and blood as it stung his nostrils. The wind howled and sang in the night sky, it was a song that not many would understand. The streets were as quiet as dead man's coffin. It was something, to see no one insight.
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This sounds horrifying.
The details are all very nice, and it really sets the mood. Since this is a smaller passage, and I don't have much homework (for once), I think I'll try editing it.
The street lights glowed a dim a tan yellow, illuminating the piercing night. The many tall buildings that crowded the town of Pinebrook appeared to wither and crumble, as the steel on them began to rust. Blood dripped from the rooftops like melting popsicles. The power lines were a ghastly sight, intestines, organs, and human appendages were wrapped and tangled around the cords. They sizzled and smoked like meat on a grill, and a sickening, stomach clenching aroma wafted from the sky. The paved road was littered with cracks, graffiti that was painted in crimson stretched across the entire street, repeating nothing but the same few words over and over. Bodies of different, wicked, creatures hung off buildings and piled up in the street. Their corpses were covered in barbed wire, but if one took a closer look, they could see that the wires were twisting out of them, carving their rotten skin like jack-o-lanterns.
The sky was a dark grey, and the moon's light couldn't shine through the clouds that covered the sky. The trees that gave the town its name appeared dead, and they spewed an oily, moldy, black liquid that was as thick as puddy. The smell that permeated through the town was that of sweat, rusted iron, and blood, and it stung his nostrils of any who inhaled it. The wind howled and sang in the night sky, it was an eerie song of sorrow not many would ever hear nor understand. The streets were as quiet as dead man's coffin, being utterly alone, was truly a cold and unforgiving sight.
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Sometimes I wonder if I should let you write the stories, the attention to detail is beautifully well done
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Thank you for the praise, but I don't think I'd ever make for a good author. Although I enjoy telling stories, I feel like my style of writing gets very old very fast.
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Oh give yourself a break you did well mate
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Thank you.
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Sorry I'm late. I've been looking into getting Identity V lately, and it's weirdly difficult to decide if it's worth my time and RAM. So far it seems like it is.
Wow, this is good. Maybe listening to The Caretaker's It's Just a Burning Memory helped a bit.
One issue I see is how you're using the two main design elements of Silent Hills (rusty metal and barbed wire), which is okay, but shouldn't be readily apparent. I would suggest making slightly more... I'm trying to come up with a nice way to say this... original motif.
Maybe bring in the meat hooks and chains from the hotel. A factory farm and/or meat processing plant motif could be interesting.
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Yeah, I admit I was a little worried about the "rusty metal/barbed wire" theme going on too. A factory/farm setting could definitely work.
Also, @Dabihwow, what would you think about me making my own Pinebrook character? I'm not trying to insinuate that you would have to add them to the story or anything, but I think it'd be cool if I gave making a character for the series a shot.
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hm that's fair, how about, rope, for example, their appendages are cut off and the only thing that's holding together is a knot the has been tied inside the organs. Then for the rope is coming out of where their arms, legs should be and is piercing the sliced-off arm, and attaching itself onto the buildings. IT also goes through the eyeballs, anus, sliced-off legs, groin anywhere basically. Sorry, it's taking a while to explain this, its kinda difficult ngl, but if I could Illustrate it, I have no doubt it would be super damn cool. I might choose rusted chains instead but I'll let you give me your opinion. As for the rusted metal, I was talking about something like this
plus I don't mind if I illustrate that some of the buildings look like that. Maybe have metal tiles that you would commonly see on barns attached to the buildings would be a neat touch, showing off some Indiana barn styles. Maybe 19th century like buildings, reminiscent of the I have to think more on this. Also maybe I didn't want to overuse the meat hooks because uh well... there is gonna be used quite a bit in the second book, in which will kinda take place in a meat factory/farm/plant
Maybe however I will be skeptical. I'm sorry if that sounded harsh but, I'm not sure, however, I am rewriting book 3 to add more dexterity to the characters and youths of Pinebrook. plus I would like to see what you have in mind, so feel free, I might not make them super important but we'll see, so go ahead feel free to share.
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Yeah, It's completely understandable if you won't want to add them to the story.
Well anyway, I'll get to work and see what I can make!
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Alright @Dabihwow, here's my spin on a Pinebrook character. Sorry it took a little while, a disease I have flared up and knocked me out of the loop for a little while.
The woman stumbled as she ran. She had been chased by one of the many monsters that now called Pinebrook home. Stopping to catch her breath, she examined her surroundings. She was in a forest on the outskirts of town. The woman fell to her feet beneath one of the trees. The forest had an eerie, but relaxing atmosphere. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh of relief, before she heard the crack of a branch echo our from nearby.
In a flash, the woman opened her eyes and staggered to her feet. Staring through the dense fog, she made out the silhouette of a figure. The woman slowly took a step back, terror filling her heart and pulsing through her veins at the though of what would come forth from the fog.
What emerged from the fog was a strange sight. A man, clad in a dark purple old fashioned tail-coat with faded yellow accents stepped forth. The woman couldn't make out his face, as it was being concealed by a back plague doctor mask.
"Ah, hello there, my fine madam! You managed to outrun the furnace-headed fool? Truly impressive!" The strange man shouted with gusto.
"Who the hell are you?" W-what do you want?" The woman stammered out.
"Who am I? Why, that isn't important. Who YOU are on the other hand, is. There aren't many left out there, you know? If you're one of the small fraction left alive, then you must be pretty tough. Or just a fast runner, I suppose." The man spoke while slowly taking a step forward.
"The #########...?" Wha-What do you want with me?"
"Oh, nothing much, but I'm afraid you'll have to come along with me, for the meantime." The man said, still continuing his approach.
"H-hey, don't come any closer." The woman said while backing up.
"Now now, do not be alarmed, I am unarmed. Please, do not make this more difficult than it has to be." The man said in a soft tone as he raised his hands.
"Answer my goddamn question, what do you want with me!?"
"M-madam, please, do not run!" The man shouted out after the woman who had began to run away.
Suddenly, the woman felt a pain shoot up through the back of her leg. As she fell on the cold dirt, she looked back to see a scalpel was plunged deep into her calf.
"Quite the good throw, am I?" I didn't want it to be like this."
"Wha-what the #########!?" I though you said you were u-unarmed!?" The woman cried out as she moaned in pain.
"Alas, that was a lie, but a necessary one." Now please, hold still." The man said calmly as he took out a handkerchief and bottle of liquid.
"What-what are you doing!? Let me g-" The woman was cut off as the handkerchief was placed over her mouth.
"Sh, sh, sh, sh, madam. I mean you no harm, but I cannot let you get away. I need you." Was all the woman could make out as her vision went black.
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Wow, I like it. Actually, I created a character very similar to this. The character in question was a symbolism of male dominance, in short, the character was a sick groom, wanting to have the perfect obedient wife, and by perfect I don't just mean personality. And if they fail to live up to his expectations, well lets say killing them would be putting it lightly. His interactions with men end a lot more pain as he tends to torture them, making sure that only he is the 'alpha' of the others. Its a concept I might continue but I like what you did
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Actually, for clarification, Dr. Green isn't supposed to represent anything; he's human, and was not created by the town of Pinebrook. In fact, his victim was originally going to be male, but I though it'd be too confusing as Dr. Green is also referred as "the man" in this segment.
I'm still working out the kinks, but as of right now, Dr. Green is shaping up to be more of an anti-hero than a villain. I also though to spice things up, it'd be interesting among all the twisted monsters of Pinebrook, there'd be a human antagonist.
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Thats not bad at all, I like the uniqueness, if I was to make a human antagonist they would only be recently enter the dark world. However they would've been driven crazy from the horror they experienced in Pinebrook and become violent, think in Dead rising with the pychopaths
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Dr. Green has certainly been affected by Pinebrook, but the reason he experiments on people is because he's trying to find a way to leave. The irony in his character comes from the fact that he thinks he's doing good, but it actuality isn't much better than the monsters he hates.
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Thats really interesting for a character. Although the only reason he is there is well because he did something very terrible in life, or is struggling mentally. See people aren't just randomly dragged into Pinebrook dark realm, they are brought there to live a crooked hell. I can't tell you how to escape but it will be revealed in the book.
Also I noticed that Dr.Green mentioned the Furnace headed fool. Which I'll say is rather bold of him, the monsters of Pinebrook know Furnace Head however, who he was, and all. But they never talk about him, mention him, or joke about him. They are ######### terrified of him . In fact he... nevermind I'm not gonna tell you, to much of a spoiler.
Overall well done,
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Ah, so that's how people end up in Pinebrook. I'll ask this though, can whatever force that control's Pinebrook take people from other time periods? If it can, I'll probably make it so Dr. Green was taken during the 1940-60's in Britain.
Also yes, Dr. Green does in fact mock Furnace Head. His drive to escape Pinebrook is so great, that he has come to absolutely despise Furnace Head because it keeps killing the people he wants to experiment on.
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I really can't say, but as the years go on yes it does. so people here are from the 60s 40s, different time periods. that's all I can say as for Dr. Green he's really well done, good job mate
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So would you be interested in adding him to the actual story? Again, it's completely fine if you don't want to.
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All I can say is maybe, but right now In the book, I can't add him. I already have the main villains down for the book, but maybe in a future Pinebrook project. I might not make him exactly as your depiction but something rather close. I love the work and time put into this, and I don't want to claim it as my own, it's yours. I have to think about it, but just know, it's a maybe
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Okay, that's completely fine.
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You did amazing work, you should be absolutely proud of this. Its just I had the plots and the characters down, and I had been working on it for over a year now. So changing it would cause me to try and rewrite a large portion of Pinebrook and make a new story for it. This isn't your fault, you, came up with something truly unique, it just I'm so far into the development of the story for me to create this character now. Again you did amazing work, and you truly should be proud of what you've done
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Yeah yeah, I get it. I wasn't expecting you to add Dr. Green to the story, as I know Pinebrook has already been in development for awhile now. I just thought it'd be fun to come up with my own Pinebrook character.
Thank you so much for the praise, though!
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You do deserve the title for being the first to make a fan character though, so good job
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Well, I'm writing a fanfic right now, actually, so I'm gonna come in second. And no, not that kind of fanfic.
Also, just because I started it doesn't mean I'll finish it, if that hasn't been made clear from the piles of half-finished Pinebrook fanart lying around my room.
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Lol, alright man good luck, I like to see it sometime
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Look's like we're anything if not dedicated to Pinebrook.
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I've officially started a fandom!
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