Pinebrook Prologue
Hi, everyone, welp today I am going to be showing you all the prologue for my short stories of Pinebrook. Just to tell you that this is just 1 page of the prologue and will progress as time goes on. I just want to thank you all for supporting and pushing me to get this done, for giving me advice as well. @Beelzeboop, @Wamps, @DoritoHead , ya'll have said you've been intrigued for quite some time my friends, well I hope you like it, and I would like you to give me honest criticsm ( if any) and feedback, Just be dead honest with it, I'm okay with it. But before we begin I will leave a warning for everyone right now
WARNING: The following contains, blood, gore, violence, sever language, adult themes, psychological horror, and definitely not for anyone below 18 ( Ironically including me lol), if you are uncomfortable with these themes please click out now.
The sound of air wooshing against the windshield as the sun went down. There sat a man who was chewing on his sub that was his 'dinner' was driving down the road while listening to the state’s classic rock station. His name was Elliot Ford, he was a semi truck driver. He was a rather short and stocky man, with a proud and boastful beard. Elliot took another bite of his meatball sub as he continued down the highway passing the fields, the oak trees, and the farms of Indiana.Suddenly the sound of a ringtone caught his attention. He grabbed the phone.
"Hello?"
His voice is a bit scraggly, the result of bad habits and exhausting work. He didn't check the number on the screen, but he could guess who it was.
" Hey you almost there yet, our client called us and the truck hasn't arrived." The voice on the other end asked. " Yes sir, I'm almost there, can't blame me with all this weather can you"? " I will if you don't get there on time." the voice responded Elliot sighed, he hated the bastard he calls a boss, it was always this and that for the man. Time is money, some he would call it.
" So if it is too much to ask, what's up with this town... Damn, I forgot what it was called, what was it again?" Elliott questioned " Pinebrook, it's a decent town with a bunch of shops and markets, it has a bit of an interesting history from what I've heard." The boss answered, " That's not a first." He commented, " Anyway I'm driving to the town, I’m looking for that gas station nearby.” “ Okay once you get their drop off the soda cans, potatoes chips, all of it, you got that?”
“Yeah, I’m al-.” Elliot was cut off by a loud clanging of bells, they were loud, foreboding, and there were chiming in the distance. “ Hey sir, was there anything about a bell tower in this town, hello?” Elliot questioned as he looked at his phone to see he lost connection and the phone to immediately power off. “The #########?” he worded, suddenly his truck lights flashed off surrounding the outside in the darkness. Elliot’s eyes widened, his belly tightens as he tried to get the truck lights back on, he lifted his foot off the gas pedal. However, he was still going at the same speed as he was before. “What the ######### is this?” he expressed with fear.
‘ Suddenly a loud groaning and whooshing from outside of the truck, it sounded like whispering, there was something human-like about it that unsettled Elliot. His head began to ache with pain worse than a common migraine, it drove him crazy. “ God damn it where am I!?” he screamed. Suddenly the lights of his truck shined once more, but instead, it shined on a building as the side of the truck slammed into sending it twirling on its side. Elliot screamed out but before long he banged his head against the truck, knocking him out cold.
The truck came to a foreboding halt. It stopped in front of a sign that everyone in town knew. It was the sign with the iron poles that have rusted in time. With a large decorated rectangle-shaped sign with it being colored in a green tint. The letters upon the sign were ingrained in brass and bolted upon it to give the sign a rundown yet magnificent look. The Words upon the sign read. “ Welcome to Pinebrook”.
Comments
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Love it man! Great characters! Great Story and Very interesting! Keep up the good work!
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Thx, this just a page, although is their any advice you could give on this
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"sever language."
On an actual note, one thing that I find makes my writing a lot better and easier to read is to re-read it and see if there are better places to put information.
For example:
Suddenly the sound of a ringtone caught his attention as he grabbed it and answered the talk button " Hello?" He responded, as his voice was a bit scraggly.
I would write this sentence slightly differently:
Suddenly the sound of a ringtone caught his attention. He grabbed the phone.
"Hello?"
His voice is a bit scraggly, the result of bad habits and exhausting work. He didn't check the number on the screen, but he could guess who it was.
Just thought it was worth mentioning. You should probably hire an editor. No matter how good an author you are, it's very important to have one.
You're writing has a strong sense of character and tone, which is genuinely pretty impressive given how short the actual text is, but your punctuation is poor, which leads to poor pacing, which damages tone. Working harder on the punctuation could quickly and easily bring out your strengths, but that's pretty difficult.
But that's what editors are for.
Their job is dealing with punctuation, grammatical, spelling and formatting errors, keeping the original story more or less intact.
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Wow, this is fantastic! Although I'd like to add in some of my own feedback.
Okay once you get their drop off the soda cans, potatoes chips, all of it, you got that?”
It would be better to add a comma after "Okay" and of course change "their" to there. But these are probably typos so take that with a grain of salt.
You might want to change "potato chips" to "the potato chips" just to make it sound more like a conversation and less like a list since they are only naming two specific items.
Elliot was cut off by a loud clanging of bells, they were loud, foreboding, and there were chiming in the distance. “ Hey sir, was there anything about a bell tower in this town, hello?”
So here Elliot asks about there being a bell tower in town. Bell Towers make a deeper, louder sound, but the "chiming in the distance" part doesn't suggest that. Also, you described the bells as loud twice, so it'd be better if you omitted the second one. With all of this said, this is how I would rewrite this sentence-
"Elliot was cut off by the loud, foreboding clanging of bells in the distance."
This is just my humble input. I'm no writer, so don't take my advice too seriously. This is great work, and I'm very excited to see more of Pinebrook!
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Thank you for being dead honest with me. It helps me a lot, and your right I do need an editor, I'm trying to find one but don't know where to begin. I thank you for the words, no one truly said anything about that with my characters yet. I also giggled at you mentioning the 'severe language', but don't worry there still is a lot more. Thanks man I do need to work on my pronunciation, it is hard to do that when surrounded by hillbillies lmao.
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Thanks yeah I'll change that in my spare time, I'm mostly focusing right now is getting the story done, I do plan to go back and add more, fix some pronunciation . I'm glad you are excited
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Anyway, I'm back with page 2 of the Prologue. I wanna say thank you to @DoritoHead , @MandyTalk , @Beelzeboop , @Wamps , @naughtyboyjames , and everyone else. You guys give me a lot to work for, before we begin, read the following Warning above, and see if you are comfortable with these themes. Well here it is, and just so you know I am the owner, Pinebrook has been copyrighted (finally), and I claim ownership. Please do not use my characters without my consent, or my title, people are allowed to create fan art, and fan services but nothing more. I will however allow the prologue of these short stories to be viewed to give readers a glimpse, leave feedback, if any, be dead honest with me guys, it helps me out please, and thank you
Elliot struggled to gain consciousness as his ears ring, they felt like they were gonna burst. He moved his body around the cramped space, as his vision returned only slightly to see. Elliot felt a hot sting on the side of his face, he touched it to feel dried blood on his face. He shuffled to un-buckle his seat belt which was challenging, however, Elliot always carried a pocket knife. He unclipped it from his pocket and cut himself free which left him alone in the dark. However, he had a backup plan, inside the glove compartment on the passenger's side was a heavy-duty flashlight in-case of any problematic situations such as this.
Elliot moved to grab hold of it, struggling to bend his body. He felt the handle of it but slipped out of his hands. “ Damn it, oh #########.” he groaned, he grabbed a hold of the steering wheel and hoisted himself slightly to grab a hold of the damn handle for the glove compartment. Finally, after another hoist, he opened the compartment and it spilled out with magazines, papers, and a handy dandy flashlight it landed with a clunk against the truck. One of the magazines fell onto Elliots’ face that was open.
He groaned in annoyance. " I should've been paid more to do this job,” he commented, he went to feel around for the flashlight. A loud wailing came from outside of the truck. It was animal-like yet, but it wasn’t anything like Elliot had heard, it reminded him of some kind of cat. He continued to search, however, he did it slowly and quietly before he had a grip on the rubbery handle.
" The hell, was that a bobcat?" He questioned. Elliot began to reconsider freeing himself from the truck. Maybe he could call the cops and ask for help, Elliot turned on the flashlight as it illuminated his surroundings slightly. His entire truck was a mess with the now ruined meatball sub laying on the driver's side window, the adult magazines he kept to himself, and to his phone which was shattered in two and laid right next to his side. " Oh, that's perfect, awesome, this absolutely helps me," Elliot growled, he sighed. Frustrated, and scared, he could barely think straight, it was as if the entirety of his brain had an itch, that he wanted to scratch.
Elliot took a deep breath and exhaled, he just wanted to go home and get out. A lingering idea or a thought came to him, it started to give him hope. He has beaten up a bunch of drunk men at the bar before, a bobcat wouldn’t be any worse, and it was better than being squashed in a semi. Elliot smiled, he raised his flashlight and smashed through the window that was fogged. He began to crawl out, using the steering wheel as a way to push upon his body. Once out he was free, he stood up and was met with a sign that read ‘Welcome to Pinebrook’. “ Yeah thanks for the ######### notice!” he sarcastically scolded
Post edited by Dabihwow on2 -
I know I said I was taking a break, but boy it has been way too long since I posted a page. my only fear is that I won't be around much longer to be able to post the last few pages of Pinebrook, so I decided I might as well during my wait, I will post the pages that I've been writing. during my time I like to thank @QwQw and @GoobyNugget. I've felt a lot better than I had to begin with but I still want my break. So for those of you who have been waiting here is page 3 of Pinebrook prologue, not that my work and all the characters belong to me. So let's begin also leave me feedback please if you have any, be dead honest with me, I'm okay with some hate, I barely got any last time.
Elliot began to spin his head around, it was almost quiet. The wind was howling in the moonless night as if it was singing a tune he couldn’t understand. The area around was surrounded by trees, and a lake to the right which led to a river-like path with beaver dams, and swamp-like forest. “ So this is Pinebrook, well if I remember right, I was directed to go to the gas station, the town should be up ahead,” Elliot remarked
He began to walk down the road, after for what felt like an eternity he made it to the main street, and it didn’t even comfort him with the fact he was utterly alone. Elliot saw a group of buildings that he would assume was, the town, it had large brick buildings, with dimly lit street lights. The wind still whistled, as a faint howl in the distance of an animal like a coyote. Elliot felt surreal, calm, and yet uneasy. The street was quiet as if eyes were watching him in the dark, stalking his every step. Suddenly a loud slam echoed from across a building on his right.
Elliot turned and heard an ear-piercing skin that sent a cold in his bones. There was a sound of a struggle from a dark alleyway Elliot saw movement. The only light that imitated from the dark glowed a molten orange color, it shook violently as the sound of liquid splattering, then stopped and turned its head to Elliot. He could see outlines of two eye slots that slightly glowed, and were high above the ground at least six feet or more. Elliots' stomach churned as he instinctively bolted out and went to hide. He heard loud stomps in behind him, which only seemed to make him run faster.
Elliot ran straight to the town hall, he continued to crazily bang on the front door. “ Hey, help!” Elliot cried as he continued to bang on the door, he looked back and saw the thing wasn't in sight, his heart was a beating drum. He continued to bang on the door, suddenly he heard a click on the inside, and the door opened. Elliot was expecting to be greeted by an old manager but instead was greeted by a rather beautiful woman. She had slight tan skin, with beautiful black hair. She also had such a flaunting body that women would drop dead for. The woman pulled him inside, and slammed the door, and locked it.
" It's good I got you in, it's not safe out there. " The sweet woman said her voice was sultry and sassy. Elliot was breathless, stunned. " Who are you, what the fu-?” Elliot was cut off and was shushed. “ My name is Julie, I’m a nurse here, hey hun you look in bad shape, let me escort you.” She ordered as she took his hand. Julie's heels clicked as they walked down, she walked seductively as she swayed her bottom, much to Elliot's subtle pleasure. Men had hobbies, sometimes men like to run a model train layout,
The area was dark, it was dusty yet the wooden tiles on the floor were still somehow clean. Elliot couldn't but stare at Julie's rear, every man had their hobbies, some played video games, and some played golf. For Elliot, it was either a decent smoke or reading his 'personal magazines'. but he quickly glanced back up to make sure he wasn't seen. " So what the ######### is going on miss?" " I'm not sure, something feels off, everyone was absent until you arrived darling." She responded they stopped in front of an office at one part of the hallway that had a cross symbol above as Julie opened the door. " Head inside sir, and lay on the bed, I need to get some things so I can... help with your head," Julie ordered. " Okay... I will." Elliot obeyed. " and if you cooperate I'll give you a lollipop." She commented
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Well, I'm very happy that I was able to make you feel better. Again, be sure to take as much time as you need with your break.
Now as for Pinebrook itself, I really like it!
The story feels very mysterious and unnerving, it almost gives me Silent Hill vibes. Elliot and Julie both seem like interesting characters, I can't wait to see more of them. I assume the story will revolve around the history of Pinebrook and what happened to it. Honestly, I haven't read any good horror books recently, so this is a welcomed change of pace.
My only gripe so far, is that I think the grammar could use a little work. If you'll allow me, I'd be happy to go back and edit any of the mistakes I saw.
I know Pinebrook is still early in development, but if you had to guess, how many pages are currently planning on writing?
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This gives me Silent Hill vibes. And i'm glad that I helped you feel a bit better.
You said in one post that you could be able to publish these, and honestly i'd buy stories like these.
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Thanks man, I will try to take my time, and if you want to edit your gladly able to, I absolutely suck at grammar, and I've thought of making this series into a video game series, but I struggle with coding in some aspects. Texturing and such, I barely have a decent computer programming teacher to help. So I learn a bit on the internet but its a bit of a challenge, plus I need to raise money to even begin the said project.
I've been hearing that a lot with Pinebrook giving off Silent Hill vibes, in fact Pinebrook was very closely inspired off of Silent Hill. But also on Resident Evil, and Outlast, two of my favorite horror franchises. I try to make each character as interesting as before. Thats awesome your willing to buy this as is, but there is a big difference between these posts then the actual book, this version is the cut version. While I was writing I realized there is excerpt or two that would definitely get me in trouble if shown on the forums. So when the book does come out it will be through by through the uncut version.
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Pinebrook would make for such an awesome video game, I'd definitely buy it! I'll get started editing your pages, I don't think it'll take me too long.
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oh damn a video game? That'd be sick.
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It'd be a mix of fps,but mostly melee combat, you will go around and collect items to make medicine, breathers, homemade bombs, but no bullets. I always thought Fps games are a bit overused, and want to get a realistic vibe, you wouldn't find bullets scattered throughout areas. So you primarily use a baseball bat similar to Lucille from twd to fight, but the player will suffer from exhaustion for a few seconds, as for guns they are very reliable but very limited ammo. For example you get 30 rounds for the rifle gun and that's it for the entirety of the game. In some areas the player will be exposed to the madness of the town, where if they stay too long they'll fall victim and become a crazed scavenger, aka you died. as for enemies their are common foes that spawn around some of them you'll see in these posts. But the biggest challenge would be the stalker variants, these enemies don't die, are a constant threat, will chase you constantly, and each one is different from the last, with abilities, tactics, and other.
The game would sadly it might be episodic, it would give us time to make it, receive feedback and improve upon it. We might release a deluxe edition which comes with a new gun variation, some starter crafting supplies, and a second game that basically replays the whole game again but through a different perspective of a character, it will also change the story. These are ideas I wrote down when thinking about this but I might not be able to do it all by myself
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Please tell me one of the enemies will be a hippy
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Close, but its not a woman
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the only other thing i can think of is a cultist
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I've thought about it but as a Christian it is kinda a line I don't want to cross but maybe when I'm a little bit more comfortable
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@Dabihwow, alright here's my edited version of page one, sorry it took so long. Let me know if you like it!
The sound of air whooshing against the windshield felt calming and freeing as the sun sank slowly on the horizon. In the cab of a semi-truck, there sat a man chewing on his sub, or rather his 'dinner'. He was driving down the road while listening to the state’s classic rock station, a personal favorite of his. The man's name was Elliot Ford. He was a rather short and stocky man, with a proud and boastful beard. Elliot took another bite of his meatball sub as he continued down the highway passing the swaying cornfields, old oak trees, and the rustic farms of Indiana. Suddenly the sound of his heavy metal ringtone caught his attention. Elliot quickly reached over and tapped the answer call button, followed by the speakerphone button.
"Hello?" His voice came out scraggly and horse, the result of bad habits and exhausting work. He didn't need to check the number on the screen to know who was calling him.
"Hey, you almost there yet? Our client called us and the truck hasn't arrived." The voice on the other end asked.
"Yes sir, I'm almost there. You can't blame me for being a little late with all this ######### weather can you?"
"I will if you don't get there on time." The stern voice responded.
Elliot let out a long sigh. He hated the bastard he called his boss; it was always this and that for the man. Elliot sometimes questioned if "Time is money" were the only words the guy could speak.
"So if it's too much to ask, what's up with this town... Damn, I forgot, what was called again?" Elliot questioned.
"Pinebrook, it's a small little town with a bunch of shops and markets, and it's got some interesting history from what I've heard. I gave you a map of the place, how could you forget it's name?" Elliot's boss Otto answered.
"I-I don't know." Elliot responded, trying to hide is panicked tone. He had realized in that moment that he had forgotten to take the map of Pinebrook with him.
"Anyway, I’m looking for a gas station on the edge of town right?”
"Yeah, once you get there, drop off the soda cans, potatoes chips, all of it, you got that? And while you're at it, put the petal to the metal, time is money." Otto said with an commanding voice.
“Yeah yeah, I got memo already. I'll speed up a litt-" Elliot was abruptly cut off by a chorus of clanging bells. They were loud and foreboding, and were chiming from somewhere off in the distance.
“Hey sir, was there anything about a bell tower in this town?" Uh, hello? Elliot questioned. He looked over at his phone to see he had lost connection, and that phone had somehow turned itself off. "The #########?” He let out in surprise. Suddenly his headlights started to wain until they cut out completely, plunging his view into darkness. Elliot’s eyes widened, a knot began to form in the pit of his stomach as he tried desperately to get the trucks headlights back on. He lifted his foot off the gas pedal and slammed on the breaks, however, the truck didn't stop. “What the ######### is going on!?” Elliot screamed as his truck started to accelerate.
Suddenly an eerie groaning echoed from outside. It sounded like whispering, and there was something human-like about it that deeply unsettled Elliot. His head began to ache with pain worse than a common migraine, it drove him crazy. “God damn it where am I!?” He screamed. Unanticipatedly the lights of his truck flickered to back to life more. As Elliot looked up, he saw the headlights were illuminating a building; that he was now speeding towards. The side of the truck slammed into the dilapidated brick building sending it twirling on its side. Elliot screamed out, but the force of the crashed slammed Elliot's face into the steering wheel, knocking him out cold.
A short distance away from the now overturned truck, a sign stood, it's iron poles rusted with time. With a large decorated rectangle-shaped sign, it's bright green tint had long since faded. The letters upon the sign were ingrained in brass, and it gave the sign a rundown yet magnificent look. The words etched upon the sign read. “Welcome To Pinebrook”.
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I could kiss you for this, I like it a whole lot, you've done an amazing job. You added details I would've missed the first time, thank you man!
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Thank you so much! I really don't consider myself that good of a writer, but I'm glad you liked it so much! I'll definitely edit the other pages as well.
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You don't have too but you can if you want
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You really edited that entire thing for him? Man, maybe these forums need more people like you
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Agreed
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@Dabihwow, alright, here's page two. I don't when I'll be able to edit page three, because I have a lot of homework to do, but I'll try and do it today.
Elliot fumbled about and struggled as he started to regain consciousness. His ears were ringing, they felt like they were going to burst. He shuffled around as he hung sideways from his seat. As his vision returned, Elliot strained his eyes to look around. He felt a moist, wet sensation dripping down the side of his face. He reached up to touch his forehead where he had slammed his head on the steering wheel. He retracted it and looked on to see warm blood dripping from his finger tips.
Elliot shifted about uncomfortably as he tried to un-buckle his seat belt, which was proving to be quite a challenge. Eventually after many failed attempts, Elliot reached into his right pocket and grabbed his lucky pocket knife he always carried with him. He unclipped it and sawed through his seat belt. He braced himself as fell a few feet onto his passenger side window, which was now the floor. Elliot shakily stood up, barely holding back the bile building in his throat. After a couple of minutes, he had finally regained his composure, and he looked around to examine his surroundings.
Elliot remembered that he kept a heavy duty flashlight in his glove box. He reached up and grabbed around until he felt the handle. After an initial struggle, he manged to yank open the box. Papers, dirty magazines, and the flashlight tumbled out and fell on Elliot. After digging through the pile of junk and porn, Elliot found his flashlight. Since the truck was flipped on it's side, both doors were inaccessible, leaving Elliot to have to crawl out through the broken windshield. Although he tried to sweep most of it out of the way, he still ended up getting some shards of glass stuck in his hand.
As Elliot picked the pieces of glass out of his hands, he looked around the empty building he was now standing in. As he shone beam of light throughout the room, he saw many abandoned mechanical parts and machines. Elliot came to the conclusion this must have once been a factory. He methodically walked around the brick building, searching for an exit. The eerie silence was abruptly interrupted by a shrill scream. Elliot paused, not daring to move a muscle. It was animal-like, but still nothing like Elliot had ever heard before. After some time passed, and no more screams echoed through the night, Elliot continued his search for the exit.
Eventually Elliot found a stream of moonlight breaking through a crack in a pair of rusty doors. With a swift kick he broke them open and stepped outside into the chilling night air. As he looked at his flipped over truck, he knew he would be fired. No one would be believe his story of bells, whispers, and a possessed truck. He let out a sigh and examined his new surroundings, and took notice of a decrepit green sign that read "Welcome to Pinebrook". "Yeah, thanks a ######### lot." Elliot sarcastically mumbled.
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Ironically Elliots' semi was supposed to begin in an asylum, or some kind of building, I cut it because it didn't make sense to me at first, but now, I think it could've perfectly worked. This is amazing, I'll post page 4 some time this week, in fact I'm done with at least five pages as a hole including these three
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Yeah, I added that because I felt it was a little weird how it wasn't really explained what building Elliot crashed into. I can't wait to read more of Pinebrook though!
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Yeah you have a point, originally when writing it was an illusion, the building that he rammed into wasn't real, thats why it existed in the first place, but now I changed the rules where the dark world of Pinebrook is an almsot exact replica of the real one
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Ohhh, I guess that's a bit of insight into Pinebrook? I'll have to keep in mind now that things aren't always gonna be as they seem when I read.
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DOn't worry this town is meant to ######### with you both mentally and physically, madness reigns in that realm, and for ELliot its gonna take a lot to retain his sanity as he deals with what goes on the realm, but that doesn't mean everything exact, some of the places like the creek, is a swampland like Dulvey in Re7 the town hall isn't even exact, the town sometimes changes to fit the victims mind, and sometimes it won't
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This is awesome :O
I'd love to see where this is going!
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THx I actually have page four done but I want everyone to catch up first
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Now THAT'S the type of horror that genuinely gets to me, that slow soul-crushing dread. I'm definitely getting Silent Hill vibes from this.
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But unlike Silent Hill, the reidents are meant to reflect real life human nature, a bit spoilerish but one of the most feared stalkers( a prestigious title for the monsters of Pinebrook) represents addiction, either it'd be alcohol, drugs, tobacco, or even food for all that matter, he exposes it to you and tortures you with it, until all that's left of you is a pig craving this item. Also he then kills you, and eats you... fun right!?
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@Dabihwow, Alrighty then, here's the edited version of page 3. Today has been really #########, but this has allowed me to relieve some of my stress, so thank you for allowing me to do this.
Elliot spun his head around, it would have been quiet were it not for the sound of crows and other animals dancing through the night. The wind was howling, as if it was singing a tune he couldn’t understand. The area around the factory was surrounded by dense thickets of trees, and he spotted a lake off to the right which led to a river-like path with beaver dams, and a swamp-like marsh. “Guess this is Pinebrook, well if I remember right, the gas station should be just ahead, up on the main road.” Elliot spoke aloud to no one in particular.
He began to walk down the cracked road, humming the tune of one of his favorite songs while he strolled. After walking for what felt like an eternity, he had finally made it to the main street. Despite buildings now appearing as silhouettes on the horizon, Elliot was still utterly alone. The dim streetlights began to flicker, and the wind blew even harder. Elliot shivered as he continued walking, when suddenly he heard a faint howl emanate from the distance. It came from what sounded like a coyote. Elliot felt calm and steady, yet uneasy at the same. The street was quiet, every noise echoed like it had been created in a vast empty space. Elliot's skin crawled as he felt eyes were watching him in the dark, stalking his every step. Suddenly a loud slam echoed from the gas station he had finally reached.
Elliot turned and heard an ear-piercing shriek that sent an unnatural coldness up his spine. His skin began to crawl, and every hair on his body stood attentively. The sound of a struggle rung out from behind a parked car. As Elliot slowly approached, he saw a quick flash of movement followed by the sound of liquid splattering against pavement. As Elliot fearfully took a small glance around the trunk of the car, he was greeted by a pair of sickly molten orange colored eyes starring back at him. They shook and twitched violently as their hunched owner rose to stand up fully. The shadow of the gas station's overhang showered the area in darkness, but Elliot could still tell the figure before him was easily over seven feet tall. His stomach churned and twisted with a primal sense of fear he had never felt before, and he instinctively turned on his heel and began running for his life. The creature swiftly began chasing after him. Elliot was not an athletic man in the slightest, and his heartbeat grew faster as the creatures booming footsteps grew louder and louder behind him. He knew it was going to catch him.
In a twist of fate, the creatures pace slowed. It was most certainly still chasing him, but it wasn't running at nearly the same speed it had been before. Elliot didn't have time to think of why it had slowed down, he simply continued to pour all of his energy into sprinting full speed. Just as his strength was beginning to wain, a building close nearby off to his left caught his attention. He practically flung himself at the door, crashing into it. He pounded on the old wooden door with his all might, screaming "Help me!", Let me in!", Someone, open this ######### door. Please!". By a stroke of luck, his payers were answered as the door was pulled open and a pair of hands grabbed him and dragged him inside. Just as the door was slammed shut once more, the creature had picked up it's speed and rammed into the door with full force. Thankfully, the door was sturdy enough to withstand the strike, and silence soon followed.
Elliot panted on the floor, as he looked up to see his savior. Before him stood a woman with slightly tanned skin, long silky black hair, and a rather well-endowed body that be sure to make any other woman jealous.
"It's good I got to you in time, it's not safe out there." The sweet woman spoke. Her voice was sultry and sassy.
"Who are you, and what the fu-” Elliot was cut off and shushed.
"My name is Julie, I’m a nurse in this town. I ran here to the town hall for safety." She explained.
"Hey sweety, you look like you're in pretty bad shape. Here, let me patch you up.” Julie ordered as she took his hand.
Julie's heels clicked along the polished wooden floor as they walked down a hallway. As she escorted him, Elliot began to wonder about the creature that had chased him. It's menacing orange eyes had been burned into the back of his mind. He questioned why is had slowed down during the chase. "Maybe it was playing with it's food, and that's why it sped back up when I started running to the town hall?" He thought to himself. Elliot's concentration was broken as he remembered the person who had saved him. As he looked back up at Julie, he couldn't help but notice the way she walked. She seductively swayed her hips from side to side, and Elliot tried without much effect not to stare.
The room they eventually reached was dark and dusty, yet the wooden tiles of the floor were still somehow clean. As Julie seated Elliot he couldn't help but look at her face. Every man had their hobbies, some played video games, and others played sports. For Elliot, it was either a decent smoke or reading one of his "personal magazines". But once again he quickly glanced away from her to not make the situation awkward.
"So, uhhhh miss, do you know what the hell is going on here?" Eliot asked inquisitively.
"I'm not really sure to be honest, everything feels off. Everyone vanished until you came knocking at my door sweety." Julie responded.
"Now sir, I want you to lie down on this bed. I need to go get some things to treat all those cuts you got." She ordered.
"Uhh, y-yeah, um alright I will." Elliot stuttered out.
"Oh, and if you cooperate, I'll give you a lollipop." Julie added sarcastically as she winked and skipped out of the room.
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Damn you did it this late at night, wow thank you. There is a reason why Julie acts this way but that I'll show later. honestly, I might just post page 4 already your giving me nostalgia
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Yeah, I thought the way she acts was a little strange given the situation, I can't wait to see how the story developes. Might I ask what I'm giving you nostalgia for though?
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I've never felt so motivated than before to continue writing Pinebrook is probably what feels like, a long while
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Oh, well I'm happy that I reignited your passion for Pinebrook. It genuinely is a very interesting story.
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Thank you... I'm super damn tempted to post the fourth page
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If you do decide to post it tonight. I probably won't be able to edit it until tomorrow though. Just a heads up.
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I'll post it tomorrow in the morning
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Alright then, I'll be looking forward to it!
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Page 4: @QwQw @GoobyNugget , here's page 4 I just couldn't resist the temptation to post this, and I wanna keep the hype going so here you go. Now if for everyone for some reason started on this page please head to the front to read the warnings given before hand. leave feedback if any, and hare your thoughts, so lets begin
Elliot entered the room, there was barely flickering light, and a bed that he went and sat on. Elliot was thinking about Julie, she was beautiful, she was proud, and she was familiar. Images of that face kept resurfacing in the back of his head, it ached with an almost unbearable pain. He got up and went to the sink to wash up, the water that poured was clear. Elliot grabbed a handful and washed his face, he got a handful and began washing his face.
He looked back at the mirror and strangely began to think of the past events. Elliot remembered how he always wanted to go to college and get a degree in economics but couldn't afford it and found a job as a semi-truck driver which had good pay but hated his job, to forget, he indulged in terrible habits like eating, drinking, and pleasurement of the wrong kind. It tore him to think about what others thought, so he closed himself to other's feelings. Elliot sighed and decided to re rinse his face, but as he did he sneezed splashing the water on the sink and him.
Elliot looked at his snot, his eyes widened. He saw a black, bloody, and meat-like piece of snot with a wiggling worm on his hand . Elliot stared back at the mirror, and jumped, but stopped to stare at the mirror for what stared back at him. What stared back was covered in rotten food, bloody with maggots and worms crawling around the sides of the shoulder, and ashes with cigarette butts having out of the moldy ribcage. Its cheeks on the right were molding, like it was rotten food found in a restaurant's dumpster. The ashes smelled of tobacco and past the ash covered ribs were lungs that began to spew a black oily substance. The Worms and maggots ate away at the left eye of the figure, cheeks, belly, nose, and skull. Elliot somehow, felt it all ,the slime pouring out from his lungs, the ache in his lungs, the irritation in his left eyes, cheeks and the digging within the skull he wanted to scream.
Elliots' rapid breath and disgust as he heave as he began to vomit. Decomposed meat, with maggots, worms, shards of a beer bottle, cigarette butts, and a latex object for what he could assume was a condom. The pain was unbearable, he wanted to cry out for help for the nurse but found little strength. Elliot spun around away from the mirror, suddenly all at once, it stopped, the pain was gone ,the irritation, and he felt no cavity in his chest either. He heaved in and out, and almost slumped to the floor, he saw the room had changed, the floor was concrete, that was covered in dust with rust staining the ground. The bed Elliot sat on, was still a bed, but instead looked like handcuffs on each end of the corner. It had stains on the sheets that had a brown like substance, it also had a strong ripe aroma that Elliot closed his nose
" Good god." Elliot cringed. He paced over towards the door. " Julie, where are you?" he called out but was greeted with silence in the air. Elliot turned on his flashlight and was awed, the entire area changed! It had the same layout but now had hooks and chains that dripped with stained filled blood. Wood of a broken down structure was splayed in bits around the area, with signs of a fire as light peered into the windows. Elliot was holding his breath for quite a while, it felt like a thousand questions were running throughout his head. What the ######### is happening, what happened back there with the mirror, and where's' Julie?
" If that ######### doesn't come now then I'll go," Elliot commented, he began marching off to the door that led to the exit. A loud moan that reminded him of a cow but had a shrill human-like quality to it resonated past the debris, Elliot jumped and began to crouch behind the debris. He saw a skinny creature that had a cow-like pattern, the creature in question was to the bone skinny. However, in some parts it had flesh, and appeared if it had been, nearly eaten or chewed up. The creature didn't even have a stomach, its head sure enough was that of a small cow with one sighed of it being eaten and the other completely full, the creature also had fruit attached to the skin just like the image in the mirror.
Elliot starred as it was scampering along with its left hand a meat hook went for a door as it opened. Elliot breathed, but before he crouched up, he turned and saw a ruined piece of paper, suddenly it began to turn brown and crumble up. Another loud shriek of the creature from behind the door this time sounded like it was in distress, a loud roar that was more human than the creature before, and a lot deeper. Suddenly there was a loud smash against the door, a loud crack of the wood echoed throughout the room. Another slam came and the door fell to the floor broken along with the creature it was now bloodied. Elliot flinched and saw the now mangled and broken creature, as it struggled to recover.
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That version of Elliot in the mirror made me cringe so hard hard.
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Oh god the wording in this makes it so much grosser, but in a good way
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Is that bad?
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That was the intention
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No, it's the good kind of cringe.
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Okay i thought there was something wrong with it
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